Peer Review:
I really like your additions to this article! It fleshes out detail where necessary and make it, on whole, much more complete. The tone is clear and it reads like an encyclopedia entry. The two main suggestions I would give would be to break up the giant paragraph under Early Life and Childhood, and to reorganize some of the information at the end; it seems like the last section runs a bit long. Maybe a section called Achievements could be helpful.
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Peer Review:
I enjoyed reading your draft of Halsted's life! Your edits to the article were neutral and from good sources, and everything is cited, which is great! Similar to the previous peer review, I would suggest to break of the Early Life & Childhood passage - maybe into his childhood, college experience, and medical school experience. This would make it easier to read and would highlight how each portion of his life influenced his later work. I like that you took differing perspectives from two different sources for Halsted's reason(s) for attending medical school. In addition, you mentioned that Halsted published an article in a "well-known publication" while under the influence of cocaine: could you describe what you published and how that contributed to medicine? I think this could help expand on his achievements. Another suggestion I have is to separate the advances he made to make him well-known from the rest of his medical career. While I think they're important to mention, it's confusing to try to separate his significant advances from the rest of his career. You could use a separate section to really expand on his well-known achievements — what were those achievements, and why did they make him well known in medicine? How was surgery performed before Halsted, and why were his surgeries so radical? I think adding information on the previous state of surgery/medicine before Halsted would help readers better understand his contributions.
Furthermore, you mention in your medical residency paragraph (under his medical career section) that "many prominent figures in medical surgery were affected and influenced by his new system of training". Can you expand on this — who, how, what did they do after? Also, can you rearrange the medical career section so that his contributions to surgery are together and separate from his contributions to medical education? You could also create a personal life section where you could move information to, like the sentences about Caroline Hampton.
All in all, I really enjoyed your additions and I hope that these suggestions help! Azg717 ( talk) 01:24, 29 March 2018 (UTC)
Peer Review:
I really like your additions to this article! It fleshes out detail where necessary and make it, on whole, much more complete. The tone is clear and it reads like an encyclopedia entry. The two main suggestions I would give would be to break up the giant paragraph under Early Life and Childhood, and to reorganize some of the information at the end; it seems like the last section runs a bit long. Maybe a section called Achievements could be helpful.
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Peer Review:
I enjoyed reading your draft of Halsted's life! Your edits to the article were neutral and from good sources, and everything is cited, which is great! Similar to the previous peer review, I would suggest to break of the Early Life & Childhood passage - maybe into his childhood, college experience, and medical school experience. This would make it easier to read and would highlight how each portion of his life influenced his later work. I like that you took differing perspectives from two different sources for Halsted's reason(s) for attending medical school. In addition, you mentioned that Halsted published an article in a "well-known publication" while under the influence of cocaine: could you describe what you published and how that contributed to medicine? I think this could help expand on his achievements. Another suggestion I have is to separate the advances he made to make him well-known from the rest of his medical career. While I think they're important to mention, it's confusing to try to separate his significant advances from the rest of his career. You could use a separate section to really expand on his well-known achievements — what were those achievements, and why did they make him well known in medicine? How was surgery performed before Halsted, and why were his surgeries so radical? I think adding information on the previous state of surgery/medicine before Halsted would help readers better understand his contributions.
Furthermore, you mention in your medical residency paragraph (under his medical career section) that "many prominent figures in medical surgery were affected and influenced by his new system of training". Can you expand on this — who, how, what did they do after? Also, can you rearrange the medical career section so that his contributions to surgery are together and separate from his contributions to medical education? You could also create a personal life section where you could move information to, like the sentences about Caroline Hampton.
All in all, I really enjoyed your additions and I hope that these suggestions help! Azg717 ( talk) 01:24, 29 March 2018 (UTC)