Hey Naldy! First thing I noticed was that you have no hyperlinks for some terms. I added a few to help you out! Your lead captures the important information that you have provided so far and goes in order along with your sections. Also, you have a lot of sources used (10). Do you think you can get more information out of them to expand on your article? I edited some of the wording and deleted the extra space before the section title "Samburu." Jlh428 ( talk) 18:21, 2 April 2018 (UTC)
Hello Jonathan!
Thank you for your feedback! Hyperlinks had completely slipped my mind and I will make sure to use them as I continue to build on my article. I will be expanding on the sources I already cited to help strengthen my knowledge on El Molo. Thank you again for noticing and correcting my mistakes I had made thus far.
Naldysol21 (
talk)
14:31, 6 April 2018 (UTC)
Hey! I believe that you can expand on alot of statements in your lead paragraph, such as the Cushitic language and what that has to do with your main topic. The introduction of the Cushitic language comes in a bit late, making your text sligtly confusing. Also you may want to double check your wording throughout your page because they're a few typos and grammar errors here and there. This will help your page flow a little better. I edited a few grammatical errors in your last paragraph. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Anjalisp998 ( talk • contribs) 02:50, 6 April 2018 (UTC)
Hello! Thank you for pointing out the flow of my work so far, I will make sure to switch around some paragraphs so it can be less confusing as far as the history of the language goes. Also thank you for fixing a few of my grammatical errors in the last paragraph! I will make sure to proof read again so I can catch the other mistakes. Have a great weekend! Naldysol21 ( talk) 14:40, 6 April 2018 (UTC)
Hello Naldy, I think you have an interesting topic and can do a lot with the history of this language since you have sources that talk about it in depth. I made some changes to the grammar because some of it was redundant. You have many sentences and are short and makes your paragraphs sound a bit choppy. Something that you did well was the wide variety of sources. I looked at some of them and they include a lot of information about the language and its history. I especially like the last sentence which was “According to linguistics experts, the name El Molo is a Samburu name referring to people who do not use livestock as their source of income.” This was well phrased and gives information about the history behind the language’s name and ties it with El Molo’s connection to Samburu. I would consider taking out the last reference because it contains information from different newspapers in Africa which does seem like a reliable source overall. The most important thing to improve this article is to add more information from the journal articles listed.
Ml970 ( talk) 20:38, 6 April 2018 (UTC)
Dear Naldy,
The information you have gathered seems to be a bit chaotic and confused. You give excellent historical facts as well as enough data for the reader to be able to understand what you are talking about. It seems you have just gotten a bunch of facts and put it into your article, which could leave the reader terribly confused. You should gather the data you have found, place it in the correct spaces, and then fully develop your article. The background information on El Molo was quite interesting and you should expand on it even more. Information that is not really reliable, such as the newspaper info, should be left out unless proven to be worth of value. I made a few minor edits and continue your great work.
Hey Naldy! First thing I noticed was that you have no hyperlinks for some terms. I added a few to help you out! Your lead captures the important information that you have provided so far and goes in order along with your sections. Also, you have a lot of sources used (10). Do you think you can get more information out of them to expand on your article? I edited some of the wording and deleted the extra space before the section title "Samburu." Jlh428 ( talk) 18:21, 2 April 2018 (UTC)
Hello Jonathan!
Thank you for your feedback! Hyperlinks had completely slipped my mind and I will make sure to use them as I continue to build on my article. I will be expanding on the sources I already cited to help strengthen my knowledge on El Molo. Thank you again for noticing and correcting my mistakes I had made thus far.
Naldysol21 (
talk)
14:31, 6 April 2018 (UTC)
Hey! I believe that you can expand on alot of statements in your lead paragraph, such as the Cushitic language and what that has to do with your main topic. The introduction of the Cushitic language comes in a bit late, making your text sligtly confusing. Also you may want to double check your wording throughout your page because they're a few typos and grammar errors here and there. This will help your page flow a little better. I edited a few grammatical errors in your last paragraph. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Anjalisp998 ( talk • contribs) 02:50, 6 April 2018 (UTC)
Hello! Thank you for pointing out the flow of my work so far, I will make sure to switch around some paragraphs so it can be less confusing as far as the history of the language goes. Also thank you for fixing a few of my grammatical errors in the last paragraph! I will make sure to proof read again so I can catch the other mistakes. Have a great weekend! Naldysol21 ( talk) 14:40, 6 April 2018 (UTC)
Hello Naldy, I think you have an interesting topic and can do a lot with the history of this language since you have sources that talk about it in depth. I made some changes to the grammar because some of it was redundant. You have many sentences and are short and makes your paragraphs sound a bit choppy. Something that you did well was the wide variety of sources. I looked at some of them and they include a lot of information about the language and its history. I especially like the last sentence which was “According to linguistics experts, the name El Molo is a Samburu name referring to people who do not use livestock as their source of income.” This was well phrased and gives information about the history behind the language’s name and ties it with El Molo’s connection to Samburu. I would consider taking out the last reference because it contains information from different newspapers in Africa which does seem like a reliable source overall. The most important thing to improve this article is to add more information from the journal articles listed.
Ml970 ( talk) 20:38, 6 April 2018 (UTC)
Dear Naldy,
The information you have gathered seems to be a bit chaotic and confused. You give excellent historical facts as well as enough data for the reader to be able to understand what you are talking about. It seems you have just gotten a bunch of facts and put it into your article, which could leave the reader terribly confused. You should gather the data you have found, place it in the correct spaces, and then fully develop your article. The background information on El Molo was quite interesting and you should expand on it even more. Information that is not really reliable, such as the newspaper info, should be left out unless proven to be worth of value. I made a few minor edits and continue your great work.