Group Comments
First of all, excellent job on beginning work on the lead and starting the outline. Make sure you are all posting in the group sandbox space, and also please make sure that you are posting a list of the sources you are all looking at. I would also suggest that as you move forward into beginning the drafting process, each of you puts your name by the section that on which you are working. This will make it easier to see who is doing what. I am also going to include a link to the Digital Divide in South Africa page. This is a good example of about how much you should be writing for each section, though obviously your sections will likely not be identical to the South African ones. [ Divide in South Africa] Remember that should you need any extra help you can come to mine or Dr. Benoit's office hours. Overall great work on your outline!
Mmaggi9 ( talk) 16:58, 11 October 2017 (UTC)Melanie Maggio: TA for LIS 2000
https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/d7ypxx/the-tragedy-of-ethiopias-internet
http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-40118378
While I see that you have started a basic outline, as well as your lead, this week you should really be working on your completed first draft. You are bringing up several important aspects of the digital divide in Ethiopia, and the rest of your draft should reflect this. Make sure that you also put all of your sources on your group page. Please make sure that if you have any other questions you contact Dr. Benoit or myself.
Mmaggi9 ( talk) 02:15, 17 October 2017 (UTC) Melanie Maggio: TA for LIS 2000
I am taking a look at things on Monday morning, and would re-emphasize Melanie's points. Right now I see the sections there, but without draft language. I do see that you are discussing things on Moodle, however. Eabenoit ( talk) 14:54, 23 October 2017 (UTC)eabenoit
https://cipesa.org/2017/03/gender-digital-divide-persists-in-africa/ http://www.soawr.org/resources/women_and_ICTs.pdf http://itidjournal.org/itid/article/viewFile/792/333 Jamikleinpeter ( talk) 18:03, 22 October 2017 (UTC)
Cite error: There are <ref> tags on this page without content in them (see the
help page).Effects Sources
http://afkinsider.com/98737/ethiopia-largest-country-in-the-world-without-a-stock-exchange/ https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/d7ypxx/the-tragedy-of-ethiopias-internet — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aebrah4 ( talk • contribs) 20:05, 23 October 2017 (UTC) http://www.scidev.net/global/digital-divide/feature/ethiopia-gets-connected.html https://www.un.org/press/en/2015/gaef3432.doc.htm
I really think you guys need to starting including more citations in your article. I'm assuming in the Education section, you are writing paragraphs from one source, so you just list the citation at the end. There is statistics in the lead (the CIA ranking) that needs a citation, and your "Effects" section has no citations at all.
Also move all the sources from your talk page to the sandbox and create a references section.
Education
You need a comma after 2016 in the first sentence.
Remove the comma after "affairs" and place it before "blocked." This sentence is also very long and could be broken down into multiple sentences.
I suggest if you have the time for it, take the last paragraph and create a whole new section titled "Solutions" and place it there. If you could elaborate more or it that would also be beneficial, (as well as other sections, I know this is only the first draft) my team is running into the same issue where we need to go into more detail in our sections.
Effects
I'm assuming the dash marks are statistics that you need to find
There is an extra space between "essentially" and "non-existent."
The phrase "in this poverty stricken country" can be seen as negative and doesn't fit with Wikipedia's neutral tone. Replace with "in Ethiopia."
There is an extra period after economy.
Remove "snail" from "snail's pace."
Gender
There is nothing here yet.
KimPham ( talk) 03:37, 27 October 2017 (UTC)
I think that each section is off to a great start. There does need to be a little more elaboration on each subject. The article does lack links to other information. I should be able to view the country page on Ethiopia by hyperlinking the name to the article. I do think you need to add another section or two to bring your article together. In the section Effects on your fourth paragraph you need to pull the first sentence even with the rest. Your article draft is good you just need to deveope your ideas a little further.
For my section, a lot of the peer review suggestions were useful and I implemented them. Only one suggestion seemed irrelevant and I liked the way I wrote this particular sentence so I left it as is. I think our article is looking really great, y'all!! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aebrah4 ( talk • contribs) 22:45, 5 November 2017 (UTC)
The feedback we received during our peer review really helped. I went back and fixed some of the grammar and the formatting issues we had regarding our sources. We still need to create a References section but other than that we're looking good. Cjrucker10 ( talk) 05:16, 6 November 2017 (UTC) Cecil Rucker Jr
Group Comments
First of all, excellent job on beginning work on the lead and starting the outline. Make sure you are all posting in the group sandbox space, and also please make sure that you are posting a list of the sources you are all looking at. I would also suggest that as you move forward into beginning the drafting process, each of you puts your name by the section that on which you are working. This will make it easier to see who is doing what. I am also going to include a link to the Digital Divide in South Africa page. This is a good example of about how much you should be writing for each section, though obviously your sections will likely not be identical to the South African ones. [ Divide in South Africa] Remember that should you need any extra help you can come to mine or Dr. Benoit's office hours. Overall great work on your outline!
Mmaggi9 ( talk) 16:58, 11 October 2017 (UTC)Melanie Maggio: TA for LIS 2000
https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/d7ypxx/the-tragedy-of-ethiopias-internet
http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-40118378
While I see that you have started a basic outline, as well as your lead, this week you should really be working on your completed first draft. You are bringing up several important aspects of the digital divide in Ethiopia, and the rest of your draft should reflect this. Make sure that you also put all of your sources on your group page. Please make sure that if you have any other questions you contact Dr. Benoit or myself.
Mmaggi9 ( talk) 02:15, 17 October 2017 (UTC) Melanie Maggio: TA for LIS 2000
I am taking a look at things on Monday morning, and would re-emphasize Melanie's points. Right now I see the sections there, but without draft language. I do see that you are discussing things on Moodle, however. Eabenoit ( talk) 14:54, 23 October 2017 (UTC)eabenoit
https://cipesa.org/2017/03/gender-digital-divide-persists-in-africa/ http://www.soawr.org/resources/women_and_ICTs.pdf http://itidjournal.org/itid/article/viewFile/792/333 Jamikleinpeter ( talk) 18:03, 22 October 2017 (UTC)
Cite error: There are <ref> tags on this page without content in them (see the
help page).Effects Sources
http://afkinsider.com/98737/ethiopia-largest-country-in-the-world-without-a-stock-exchange/ https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/d7ypxx/the-tragedy-of-ethiopias-internet — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aebrah4 ( talk • contribs) 20:05, 23 October 2017 (UTC) http://www.scidev.net/global/digital-divide/feature/ethiopia-gets-connected.html https://www.un.org/press/en/2015/gaef3432.doc.htm
I really think you guys need to starting including more citations in your article. I'm assuming in the Education section, you are writing paragraphs from one source, so you just list the citation at the end. There is statistics in the lead (the CIA ranking) that needs a citation, and your "Effects" section has no citations at all.
Also move all the sources from your talk page to the sandbox and create a references section.
Education
You need a comma after 2016 in the first sentence.
Remove the comma after "affairs" and place it before "blocked." This sentence is also very long and could be broken down into multiple sentences.
I suggest if you have the time for it, take the last paragraph and create a whole new section titled "Solutions" and place it there. If you could elaborate more or it that would also be beneficial, (as well as other sections, I know this is only the first draft) my team is running into the same issue where we need to go into more detail in our sections.
Effects
I'm assuming the dash marks are statistics that you need to find
There is an extra space between "essentially" and "non-existent."
The phrase "in this poverty stricken country" can be seen as negative and doesn't fit with Wikipedia's neutral tone. Replace with "in Ethiopia."
There is an extra period after economy.
Remove "snail" from "snail's pace."
Gender
There is nothing here yet.
KimPham ( talk) 03:37, 27 October 2017 (UTC)
I think that each section is off to a great start. There does need to be a little more elaboration on each subject. The article does lack links to other information. I should be able to view the country page on Ethiopia by hyperlinking the name to the article. I do think you need to add another section or two to bring your article together. In the section Effects on your fourth paragraph you need to pull the first sentence even with the rest. Your article draft is good you just need to deveope your ideas a little further.
For my section, a lot of the peer review suggestions were useful and I implemented them. Only one suggestion seemed irrelevant and I liked the way I wrote this particular sentence so I left it as is. I think our article is looking really great, y'all!! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aebrah4 ( talk • contribs) 22:45, 5 November 2017 (UTC)
The feedback we received during our peer review really helped. I went back and fixed some of the grammar and the formatting issues we had regarding our sources. We still need to create a References section but other than that we're looking good. Cjrucker10 ( talk) 05:16, 6 November 2017 (UTC) Cecil Rucker Jr