This is an archive of past discussions with Bobbychan193. Do not edit the contents of this page. If you wish to start a new discussion or revive an old one, please do so on the current talk page. |
Archive 1 | Archive 2 > |
All Pages: | 1 - 2 - 3 - ... (up to 100) |
Date range: December 2013 to July 2019
Welcome to Wikipedia, Bobbychan193! Thank you for
your contributions. I am
Michaelzeng7 and I have been editing Wikipedia for some time, so if you have any questions feel free to leave me a message on
my talk page. You can also check out
Wikipedia:Questions or type {{
help me}}
at the bottom of this page. Here are some pages that you might find helpful:
Also, when you post on talk pages you should sign your name using four tildes (~~~~); that will automatically produce your username and the date. I hope you enjoy editing here and being a Wikipedian! Michaelzeng7 ( talk) 22:33, 9 December 2013 (UTC)
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You've been busy! Are you sure you're a new editor? You have a really good grasp of editing and encyclopedic tone.
I don't have much advice to give you except for some tiny MOS notes as I reviewed Southwest Detroit Hospital. Don't feel that this minutia is a must-do for copyediting backlog articles, this is just to inform you on what I hope will be a long time as a volunteer editor.
"Purge Suey."Wikipedia uses the logical quotation system which places punctuation outside of the quotation marks unless it is part of the quote ( MOS:LQ).
to clean up the graffiti and interior debrisI changed "clean up" to "remove". As a matter of tone, I don't care for "clean up", "found out", "slow down", etc., which are idiomatic and may also cause confusion regarding the sentence structure.
Thanks for all your contributions – it makes me look good by association! If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Happy editing! – Reidgreg ( talk) 19:57, 12 July 2019 (UTC)
Requested GA copy edit of Porsche 919 Hybrid.
One thing I should mention with Requests, if it isn't obvious, is that you have an extra resource available for copy editing: the requesting editor. The requesting editor is usually thoroughly knowledgable of the subject and the article's references, and available to provide clarification if parts are confusing or ambiguous, and you can bounce ideas off of them for the formatting and layout of the article. It's a good idea to leave a note on the requester's talk page explaining any major changes you made, if it isn't straight forward.
I worked on the following over three sittings; I'm losing my concentration a bit now and I hope it makes sense, but I don't want to hold it a couple days until I have more time. You made a lot of good changes to the article. There are a few points which I think should be dealt with for the copy edit, a few others which should be handled before going to GA review, and some optional stuff at the end. I also made some small changes to the article. So, here are my notes:
The car features two separate energy recovery hybrid systemsI feel like that long string of technical words could benefit from a hyphen as
The car features two separate energy-recovery hybrid systemsto explicitly associate those words. I'm not going to say that's something you have to do, but you should consider it on a case-by-case basis.
Its engine was a 2 L (120 cu in) 90-degree angled mid-mounted, V4 mono turbocharged petrol power unit. Firstly, we don't use commas to separate modifiers. (You'll see that a lot.) I'd probably hyphenate mono-turbocharged and would query the requester if "angled" is necessary. (If the 90-degree angle is the angle of the pistons making the "V", I might reorder it as mid-mounted 90-degree V4.)
The 919 Hybrid's engine was a compact and lightweight 90 degree cylinder bank 2 L (120 cu in) mid-mounted, V4 mono turbocharged petrol engine.The and at the beginning is a problem grammatically and because compact can be a noun or adjective, and you have to absorb the whole sentence to make sense of it. The "2 l" may also be problematic. I would probably leave out the "919 Hybrid" as assumed and recast it as: The compact and lightweight engine was a 90-degree cylinder bank two-litre (120 cu in) mid-mounted V4 mono-turbocharged petrol engine. ({{ Convert}} is one of my favourite templates so I know most of its tricks. Here I used
|spell=in
to spell-out the input of "2" and |adj=on
to hyphenate "two-litre".)
a carbon fibre and gold thermal airbox→ a carbon-fibre-and-gold thermal airbox. I feel it's a little easier to read with hyphenation across the and so readers won't have momentary confusion as to whether it's talking about one thing or two.
Its front was reshaped, and its weight was reduced by manufacturing the chassis as one.as one what? I assume "as one piece" but it should make that explicit. I think I'd prefer "as a single piece".
while Bamber paired with Bernhard and Hartley to fill in for the retired Webber.Do three people make a pair? There's probably a better way of stating this, and maybe change the "fill in" as well.
Bamber teamed up with Bernhard and Hartley, replacing the retired Webber.
|order=flip
for {{
Convert|14|in|mm|abbr=on|order=flip}} which gives us 360 mm (14 in).
The brake discs were made from internally ventilated light-alloy carbon ceramic materials and features power steering.The brake discs feature power steering?
The rear system recovered thermal energy from exhaust gasses via an electric generator operated by an exhaust gas stream of two turbines in the exhaust system.This seems a little wordy. Can it be simplified (perhaps along with the sentence which follows it)?
The rear exhaust system used a two- turbine electric generator to recover thermal energy from exhaust gasses, which exited from an off-central outlet on one side of the engine cover's dorsal fin.
The front system utilised a 185 kW (248 hp) motor–generator (MGU) on the front axle to convert kinetic energy into electrical energy when braking. It was stored in water-cooled A123 Systems lithium-ion battery packs that were installed centrally in the passenger side, eliminating turbo lag.The it might be a little unclear so I recast this as: The front system utilised a 185 kW (248 hp) motor–generator (MGU) on the front axle; when braking, kinetic energy was converted into electrical energy, which was stored...
In April 2013, Porsche named its first two drivers. Timo Bernhard and Romain Dumas were co-championsAre the two named people the first two drivers? The sentences could be combined to make this explicit, and maybe broken at the semicolon which follows.
Porsche held its first two car endurance testsIn this case there's ambiguity that might be solved by a hyphen. Does this mean the first and second endurance tests, or the first endurance tests for two cars together? The text which followed suggests the later, so I'd hyphenate two-car.
between 24 to 26 MarchI feel that between/and or from/to would work better.
(developed in Williams Grand Prix Engineering's wind tunnel in Grove and full-scale testing took place in Germany for correlation purposes)Would it make sense to change "Grove" to "the UK"? Or maybe it could be summarized a bit more, along the lines of: (developed by Williams Grand Prix Engineering with full-scale testing in Germany)
(developed in Williams Grand Prix Engineering's wind tunnel in the UK with full-scale testing in Germany).
and produce around 480 hp (360 kW) to 495 hp (369 kW).Here's another convert trick: {{ Convert|480|to|495|hp|kW|abbr=on}} for 480 to 495 hp (358 to 369 kW). It makes it a little neater and more concise.
Conversely, the car's kinetic energy recovery system was optimised to make it more powerful and efficient. The electric motor on the front axle, the power electronics and a new generation of lithium-ion battery cells in the in-house designed car battery were built and made more effective for producing more horsepower.I feel this gets a little repetitive and could be simplified/summarized as one sentence.
Within the car's kinetic energy recovery system, the electric motor on the front axle, the power electronics and a new generation of lithium-ion battery cells in the in-house designed car battery were optimised for producing more horsepower.
Optional stuff:
The 919 Hybrid's developers forwent their rivals' LMP1 experience due to their inexperience in the category. Because of this, they drew inspiration from prior forays with the 911 GT3 R Hybrid racing car from 2010 and 2011 and its hybrid-powered sports vehicle, the 918 Spyder.This is a fairly rough translation of the German source (from the 3rd sentence after "Höchste Effizienz"), put through Google translate yields
On the experience advantage of their Competitors in the LMP1 category had to renounce the developers as newcomers. For that they could rely on the know-how fall back on the Porsche by the successful racing use of the 911 GT3 R Hybrid as well as with the likewise hybrid driven Super sports car 918 Spyder has collected.I might rewrite this as: The 919 Hybrid's developers were inexperienced in the LMP1 category, but drew upon Porsche's history racing the 911 GT3 R Hybrid in 2010 and 2011 and the 918 Spyder hybrid-powered sports vehicle.
I hope this helps. My concentration is fading, so I hope this makes sense. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions, though I may be offline for most of the next couple days. – Reidgreg ( talk) 20:32, 13 July 2019 (UTC)
An automated process has detected that when you recently edited Hanban, you added a link pointing to the disambiguation page Xu Lin ( check to confirm | fix with Dab solver).
( Opt-out instructions.) -- DPL bot ( talk) 10:11, 17 July 2019 (UTC)
This is an archive of past discussions with Bobbychan193. Do not edit the contents of this page. If you wish to start a new discussion or revive an old one, please do so on the current talk page. |
Archive 1 | Archive 2 > |
All Pages: | 1 - 2 - 3 - ... (up to 100) |
Date range: December 2013 to July 2019
Welcome to Wikipedia, Bobbychan193! Thank you for
your contributions. I am
Michaelzeng7 and I have been editing Wikipedia for some time, so if you have any questions feel free to leave me a message on
my talk page. You can also check out
Wikipedia:Questions or type {{
help me}}
at the bottom of this page. Here are some pages that you might find helpful:
Also, when you post on talk pages you should sign your name using four tildes (~~~~); that will automatically produce your username and the date. I hope you enjoy editing here and being a Wikipedian! Michaelzeng7 ( talk) 22:33, 9 December 2013 (UTC)
Hi. Thank you for your recent edits. An automated process has detected that when you recently edited Human resource management, you added a link pointing to the disambiguation page Paperwork ( check to confirm | fix with Dab solver). Such links are usually incorrect, since a disambiguation page is merely a list of unrelated topics with similar titles. (Read the FAQ • Join us at the DPL WikiProject.)
It's OK to remove this message. Also, to stop receiving these messages, follow these opt-out instructions. Thanks, DPL bot ( talk) 13:54, 4 July 2019 (UTC)
You've been busy! Are you sure you're a new editor? You have a really good grasp of editing and encyclopedic tone.
I don't have much advice to give you except for some tiny MOS notes as I reviewed Southwest Detroit Hospital. Don't feel that this minutia is a must-do for copyediting backlog articles, this is just to inform you on what I hope will be a long time as a volunteer editor.
"Purge Suey."Wikipedia uses the logical quotation system which places punctuation outside of the quotation marks unless it is part of the quote ( MOS:LQ).
to clean up the graffiti and interior debrisI changed "clean up" to "remove". As a matter of tone, I don't care for "clean up", "found out", "slow down", etc., which are idiomatic and may also cause confusion regarding the sentence structure.
Thanks for all your contributions – it makes me look good by association! If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Happy editing! – Reidgreg ( talk) 19:57, 12 July 2019 (UTC)
Requested GA copy edit of Porsche 919 Hybrid.
One thing I should mention with Requests, if it isn't obvious, is that you have an extra resource available for copy editing: the requesting editor. The requesting editor is usually thoroughly knowledgable of the subject and the article's references, and available to provide clarification if parts are confusing or ambiguous, and you can bounce ideas off of them for the formatting and layout of the article. It's a good idea to leave a note on the requester's talk page explaining any major changes you made, if it isn't straight forward.
I worked on the following over three sittings; I'm losing my concentration a bit now and I hope it makes sense, but I don't want to hold it a couple days until I have more time. You made a lot of good changes to the article. There are a few points which I think should be dealt with for the copy edit, a few others which should be handled before going to GA review, and some optional stuff at the end. I also made some small changes to the article. So, here are my notes:
The car features two separate energy recovery hybrid systemsI feel like that long string of technical words could benefit from a hyphen as
The car features two separate energy-recovery hybrid systemsto explicitly associate those words. I'm not going to say that's something you have to do, but you should consider it on a case-by-case basis.
Its engine was a 2 L (120 cu in) 90-degree angled mid-mounted, V4 mono turbocharged petrol power unit. Firstly, we don't use commas to separate modifiers. (You'll see that a lot.) I'd probably hyphenate mono-turbocharged and would query the requester if "angled" is necessary. (If the 90-degree angle is the angle of the pistons making the "V", I might reorder it as mid-mounted 90-degree V4.)
The 919 Hybrid's engine was a compact and lightweight 90 degree cylinder bank 2 L (120 cu in) mid-mounted, V4 mono turbocharged petrol engine.The and at the beginning is a problem grammatically and because compact can be a noun or adjective, and you have to absorb the whole sentence to make sense of it. The "2 l" may also be problematic. I would probably leave out the "919 Hybrid" as assumed and recast it as: The compact and lightweight engine was a 90-degree cylinder bank two-litre (120 cu in) mid-mounted V4 mono-turbocharged petrol engine. ({{ Convert}} is one of my favourite templates so I know most of its tricks. Here I used
|spell=in
to spell-out the input of "2" and |adj=on
to hyphenate "two-litre".)
a carbon fibre and gold thermal airbox→ a carbon-fibre-and-gold thermal airbox. I feel it's a little easier to read with hyphenation across the and so readers won't have momentary confusion as to whether it's talking about one thing or two.
Its front was reshaped, and its weight was reduced by manufacturing the chassis as one.as one what? I assume "as one piece" but it should make that explicit. I think I'd prefer "as a single piece".
while Bamber paired with Bernhard and Hartley to fill in for the retired Webber.Do three people make a pair? There's probably a better way of stating this, and maybe change the "fill in" as well.
Bamber teamed up with Bernhard and Hartley, replacing the retired Webber.
|order=flip
for {{
Convert|14|in|mm|abbr=on|order=flip}} which gives us 360 mm (14 in).
The brake discs were made from internally ventilated light-alloy carbon ceramic materials and features power steering.The brake discs feature power steering?
The rear system recovered thermal energy from exhaust gasses via an electric generator operated by an exhaust gas stream of two turbines in the exhaust system.This seems a little wordy. Can it be simplified (perhaps along with the sentence which follows it)?
The rear exhaust system used a two- turbine electric generator to recover thermal energy from exhaust gasses, which exited from an off-central outlet on one side of the engine cover's dorsal fin.
The front system utilised a 185 kW (248 hp) motor–generator (MGU) on the front axle to convert kinetic energy into electrical energy when braking. It was stored in water-cooled A123 Systems lithium-ion battery packs that were installed centrally in the passenger side, eliminating turbo lag.The it might be a little unclear so I recast this as: The front system utilised a 185 kW (248 hp) motor–generator (MGU) on the front axle; when braking, kinetic energy was converted into electrical energy, which was stored...
In April 2013, Porsche named its first two drivers. Timo Bernhard and Romain Dumas were co-championsAre the two named people the first two drivers? The sentences could be combined to make this explicit, and maybe broken at the semicolon which follows.
Porsche held its first two car endurance testsIn this case there's ambiguity that might be solved by a hyphen. Does this mean the first and second endurance tests, or the first endurance tests for two cars together? The text which followed suggests the later, so I'd hyphenate two-car.
between 24 to 26 MarchI feel that between/and or from/to would work better.
(developed in Williams Grand Prix Engineering's wind tunnel in Grove and full-scale testing took place in Germany for correlation purposes)Would it make sense to change "Grove" to "the UK"? Or maybe it could be summarized a bit more, along the lines of: (developed by Williams Grand Prix Engineering with full-scale testing in Germany)
(developed in Williams Grand Prix Engineering's wind tunnel in the UK with full-scale testing in Germany).
and produce around 480 hp (360 kW) to 495 hp (369 kW).Here's another convert trick: {{ Convert|480|to|495|hp|kW|abbr=on}} for 480 to 495 hp (358 to 369 kW). It makes it a little neater and more concise.
Conversely, the car's kinetic energy recovery system was optimised to make it more powerful and efficient. The electric motor on the front axle, the power electronics and a new generation of lithium-ion battery cells in the in-house designed car battery were built and made more effective for producing more horsepower.I feel this gets a little repetitive and could be simplified/summarized as one sentence.
Within the car's kinetic energy recovery system, the electric motor on the front axle, the power electronics and a new generation of lithium-ion battery cells in the in-house designed car battery were optimised for producing more horsepower.
Optional stuff:
The 919 Hybrid's developers forwent their rivals' LMP1 experience due to their inexperience in the category. Because of this, they drew inspiration from prior forays with the 911 GT3 R Hybrid racing car from 2010 and 2011 and its hybrid-powered sports vehicle, the 918 Spyder.This is a fairly rough translation of the German source (from the 3rd sentence after "Höchste Effizienz"), put through Google translate yields
On the experience advantage of their Competitors in the LMP1 category had to renounce the developers as newcomers. For that they could rely on the know-how fall back on the Porsche by the successful racing use of the 911 GT3 R Hybrid as well as with the likewise hybrid driven Super sports car 918 Spyder has collected.I might rewrite this as: The 919 Hybrid's developers were inexperienced in the LMP1 category, but drew upon Porsche's history racing the 911 GT3 R Hybrid in 2010 and 2011 and the 918 Spyder hybrid-powered sports vehicle.
I hope this helps. My concentration is fading, so I hope this makes sense. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions, though I may be offline for most of the next couple days. – Reidgreg ( talk) 20:32, 13 July 2019 (UTC)
An automated process has detected that when you recently edited Hanban, you added a link pointing to the disambiguation page Xu Lin ( check to confirm | fix with Dab solver).
( Opt-out instructions.) -- DPL bot ( talk) 10:11, 17 July 2019 (UTC)