Here is my talk page - you can leave comments on my upcoming draft in here. -- AnastasiaU. ( talk) 04:17, 18 March 2012 (UTC)
- Hey Anastasia! Great work! Just a few comments: Regarding the entire section, make sure to put your source on the outside of the period if you are placing it at the end. I will do as you do and list the suggestions by sentence number :)
Short Term Environmental Impacts- 1.) Perhaps just "led" instead of "has led"? 2.) Perhaps instead of environment, use ecology? 3.) I'm not sure whether "alterations" is the best word. Perhaps "Daily variations in water level"? 4.) I have a feeling you left a word out by accident- "The rockslide created an obstruction that was exposed during the summer months..." is that what you meant? 7.) Perhaps instead of "coming" use "that started" or "that commenced"? 8.) I'm a little confused as to what this sentence means. I think you are trying to say that seasonal changes in water flow caused the years/cycles to alternate between really prosperous years (of salmon) and years of significant decline? Is that along the lines of what you were trying to say? 9.) Instead of "amount" perhaps "numbers"? And instead of "constant" perhaps "excess"? Since due to the salmon being impeded from swimming upriver, there was an excess, or more than usual amount of salmon in the lower parts of the river. 10.) Add a "the" between "linked" and "decline"? 12.) Perhaps instead of "up to" use "for" 13.) Add a "a" between "taken" and "greater"? Add "of" between "strong" and "swimmers." 14.) Maybe instead of "died before spawning", "died prematurely?" 15.) After the comma add a "which"? And add a "to the Hell's Gate obstruction"
Long Term Environmental Impacts 1.) Perhaps revise the beginning of this sentence- a bit confusing. 3.) Capitalize the "P" in Pacific salmon 5.) "had" instead of "has" and add a "the" between "limited" and "rate"
And building off of what Alex W. mentioned, perhaps there is a few too many quotes. Other than that, great work Anastasia! Danilar ( talk) 00:35, 21 March 2012 (UTC)
Here is my talk page - you can leave comments on my upcoming draft in here. -- AnastasiaU. ( talk) 04:17, 18 March 2012 (UTC)
- Hey Anastasia! Great work! Just a few comments: Regarding the entire section, make sure to put your source on the outside of the period if you are placing it at the end. I will do as you do and list the suggestions by sentence number :)
Short Term Environmental Impacts- 1.) Perhaps just "led" instead of "has led"? 2.) Perhaps instead of environment, use ecology? 3.) I'm not sure whether "alterations" is the best word. Perhaps "Daily variations in water level"? 4.) I have a feeling you left a word out by accident- "The rockslide created an obstruction that was exposed during the summer months..." is that what you meant? 7.) Perhaps instead of "coming" use "that started" or "that commenced"? 8.) I'm a little confused as to what this sentence means. I think you are trying to say that seasonal changes in water flow caused the years/cycles to alternate between really prosperous years (of salmon) and years of significant decline? Is that along the lines of what you were trying to say? 9.) Instead of "amount" perhaps "numbers"? And instead of "constant" perhaps "excess"? Since due to the salmon being impeded from swimming upriver, there was an excess, or more than usual amount of salmon in the lower parts of the river. 10.) Add a "the" between "linked" and "decline"? 12.) Perhaps instead of "up to" use "for" 13.) Add a "a" between "taken" and "greater"? Add "of" between "strong" and "swimmers." 14.) Maybe instead of "died before spawning", "died prematurely?" 15.) After the comma add a "which"? And add a "to the Hell's Gate obstruction"
Long Term Environmental Impacts 1.) Perhaps revise the beginning of this sentence- a bit confusing. 3.) Capitalize the "P" in Pacific salmon 5.) "had" instead of "has" and add a "the" between "limited" and "rate"
And building off of what Alex W. mentioned, perhaps there is a few too many quotes. Other than that, great work Anastasia! Danilar ( talk) 00:35, 21 March 2012 (UTC)