The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 03:23, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
I had to come back for another one of these. I'll have the review written within the next few days.
Thebiguglyalien (
talk) 03:23, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
Chchcheckit It looks really good, not much needs to be changed. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 23:24, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
Chchcheckit, looking at the changes:
varying from its effects on individuals and groups to its positive aspects– This could be reworded for readability, but more importantly, I'm not sure if "positive aspects" should be stated in the lead at all since it's a subjective descriptor.
The plaque itself, crafted from melted cannons, shows a World War I QF 18 pounder field gun and its crew in action.Is it necessary here?
Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 16:41, 22 August 2023 (UTC)
I've made some copyedits, feel free to change them to your liking.
to its "positive aspects"– Scare quotes. For the lead, keep it simple and just list the aspects without describing them. For the body, maybe describe these as aspects that the band thought of as positive.
on recovering his health– This can just say "on his recovery" or "on his health".
of what the album should "feel" like, according to Thomson– Even if this is technically a quote from Thomson, having the quotation marks here double as scare quotes. This could just be reworded.
its effects and impacts– These mean the same thing. I'd keep "effects" as it's slightly more formal.
the lyrics of Those Once Loyal do not attempt to glorify war, nor do they have any specific bearing or meaning on modern events– This reads like an analysis of the music, but it might be more direct to say that the band did not wish to have the lyrics do these things
and how "targets [have] email addresses"– Does the source explain this lyric in more detail?
commented on Bolt Thrower's innovation—or lack thereof– There's probably a simpler way to say this. Maybe consistency?
over the production of ...For Victory, Mercenary and Honour – Valour – Pride—although its songs lacked– The formatting makes this hard to read. Should we avoid this by just saying "of their previous albums"?
In the 2016 revised and expanded edition– This can just say "In the 2016 edition"
However, the band's attempts at writing new material that would live up to the "response and status" of Those Once Loyal proved to be fruitless– This makes it sound like the article itself is evaluating what happened. This should be reworded so it's clear that the band came to this decision.
Those Once Loyal was well-received by both critics and fans– An interview with a band member is not a reliable source for whether it was well received. If you're going to change or remove this, make sure it's updated in the lead as well.
Spot checks:
Includes all of the main aspects of an album article. I doubt there is, but I have to ask anyway: Are you able to find any more information about what the lyrics mean?
No ideas are given undue weight, and the article does not inappropriately present ideas in a positive or negative light.
No recent disputes. No major changes are expected.
Licensing checks out and captions are sufficient. Note that captions don't need citations if the same fact is cited in the body of the article.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 03:23, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
I had to come back for another one of these. I'll have the review written within the next few days.
Thebiguglyalien (
talk) 03:23, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
Chchcheckit It looks really good, not much needs to be changed. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 23:24, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
Chchcheckit, looking at the changes:
varying from its effects on individuals and groups to its positive aspects– This could be reworded for readability, but more importantly, I'm not sure if "positive aspects" should be stated in the lead at all since it's a subjective descriptor.
The plaque itself, crafted from melted cannons, shows a World War I QF 18 pounder field gun and its crew in action.Is it necessary here?
Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 16:41, 22 August 2023 (UTC)
I've made some copyedits, feel free to change them to your liking.
to its "positive aspects"– Scare quotes. For the lead, keep it simple and just list the aspects without describing them. For the body, maybe describe these as aspects that the band thought of as positive.
on recovering his health– This can just say "on his recovery" or "on his health".
of what the album should "feel" like, according to Thomson– Even if this is technically a quote from Thomson, having the quotation marks here double as scare quotes. This could just be reworded.
its effects and impacts– These mean the same thing. I'd keep "effects" as it's slightly more formal.
the lyrics of Those Once Loyal do not attempt to glorify war, nor do they have any specific bearing or meaning on modern events– This reads like an analysis of the music, but it might be more direct to say that the band did not wish to have the lyrics do these things
and how "targets [have] email addresses"– Does the source explain this lyric in more detail?
commented on Bolt Thrower's innovation—or lack thereof– There's probably a simpler way to say this. Maybe consistency?
over the production of ...For Victory, Mercenary and Honour – Valour – Pride—although its songs lacked– The formatting makes this hard to read. Should we avoid this by just saying "of their previous albums"?
In the 2016 revised and expanded edition– This can just say "In the 2016 edition"
However, the band's attempts at writing new material that would live up to the "response and status" of Those Once Loyal proved to be fruitless– This makes it sound like the article itself is evaluating what happened. This should be reworded so it's clear that the band came to this decision.
Those Once Loyal was well-received by both critics and fans– An interview with a band member is not a reliable source for whether it was well received. If you're going to change or remove this, make sure it's updated in the lead as well.
Spot checks:
Includes all of the main aspects of an album article. I doubt there is, but I have to ask anyway: Are you able to find any more information about what the lyrics mean?
No ideas are given undue weight, and the article does not inappropriately present ideas in a positive or negative light.
No recent disputes. No major changes are expected.
Licensing checks out and captions are sufficient. Note that captions don't need citations if the same fact is cited in the body of the article.