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Nominator: Aintabli ( talk · contribs) 03:40, 7 February 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 20:32, 11 April 2024 (UTC)
Hello! I'll review this within the next few days.
Thebiguglyalien (
talk) 20:32, 11 April 2024 (UTC)
Aintabli, I've looked the article over, and it's pretty good overall. I've left a lot of notes, but they're mostly minor nitpicky comments about wording and clarity. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 08:30, 13 April 2024 (UTC)
General:
Lead:
who founded a client state– This makes it sound like his father founded a different client state instead of Dulkadir.
perpetrating the invasion of Syria– Should this be "an" invasion of Syria, or was this the only time Syria was invaded?
was assassinated in May 1398 as commissioned by Barquq– "as commissioned by" reads awkwardly
on the order of.
The throne was inherited by his son, Sadaqa.– This isn't found anywhere in the body
Early life and background:
Suli took part in the defense against Mamluk forces near Marash in 1381. Suli had to relocate to Harpoot following a defeat– Is this a defeat at Marash, or an unrelated defeat?
Reign
Shortly after Suli rose to the throne– We skipped him actually rising to the throne. It's a minor thing, but something like "Suli rose the the throne after Khalil's death" can do a lot for readability.
the Mamluk Sultan Barquq– This should be reworded or the linking should be adjusted so there aren't two blue links next to each other.
Suli defeated Ibrahim bin Yaghmur, a local lord supported by the Mamluks– Defeated him how? In battle? Were they personally fighting or did they send armies?
Barquq then sponsored Suli's nephew Nasir al-Din Mehmed, who forced his uncle to flee– I realize that "his uncle" is clearly Suli, but since we've mentioned brothers of Suli, it would be preferable to name him explicitly.
for an independent Syria, which would continue until 1393– This could be read as Syria being independent until 1393
during which he and his brother hid in the citadel– Badr al-Din al-Ayni and his brother, or Suli and his brother?
Suli sought a pardon for his actions– What actions?
disloyalty.
who crushed Suli– This seems informal/editorialized
overpowered.
Suli had barely avoided getting caught in this struggle– The previous sentence says he was "crushed", which suggests getting caught in the struggle.
Shaban Suli was known to be just to his subjects but cruel to his enemies.– Is there evidence that this was a widely held belief during his reign? Or is this the opinion of some modern day historian?
Assassination:
on the way to the yaylak near Marash– Do we know why he was going there?
Spot checks:
The article uses neutral tone and does not give disproportionate weight to any ideas.
No recent disputes.
The image is appropriately licensed and captioned. Maybe some day one of editors skilled in map-making can create cleaner SVG maps for this region's history.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Article (
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visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
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history) ·
Watch
Nominator: Aintabli ( talk · contribs) 03:40, 7 February 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 20:32, 11 April 2024 (UTC)
Hello! I'll review this within the next few days.
Thebiguglyalien (
talk) 20:32, 11 April 2024 (UTC)
Aintabli, I've looked the article over, and it's pretty good overall. I've left a lot of notes, but they're mostly minor nitpicky comments about wording and clarity. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 08:30, 13 April 2024 (UTC)
General:
Lead:
who founded a client state– This makes it sound like his father founded a different client state instead of Dulkadir.
perpetrating the invasion of Syria– Should this be "an" invasion of Syria, or was this the only time Syria was invaded?
was assassinated in May 1398 as commissioned by Barquq– "as commissioned by" reads awkwardly
on the order of.
The throne was inherited by his son, Sadaqa.– This isn't found anywhere in the body
Early life and background:
Suli took part in the defense against Mamluk forces near Marash in 1381. Suli had to relocate to Harpoot following a defeat– Is this a defeat at Marash, or an unrelated defeat?
Reign
Shortly after Suli rose to the throne– We skipped him actually rising to the throne. It's a minor thing, but something like "Suli rose the the throne after Khalil's death" can do a lot for readability.
the Mamluk Sultan Barquq– This should be reworded or the linking should be adjusted so there aren't two blue links next to each other.
Suli defeated Ibrahim bin Yaghmur, a local lord supported by the Mamluks– Defeated him how? In battle? Were they personally fighting or did they send armies?
Barquq then sponsored Suli's nephew Nasir al-Din Mehmed, who forced his uncle to flee– I realize that "his uncle" is clearly Suli, but since we've mentioned brothers of Suli, it would be preferable to name him explicitly.
for an independent Syria, which would continue until 1393– This could be read as Syria being independent until 1393
during which he and his brother hid in the citadel– Badr al-Din al-Ayni and his brother, or Suli and his brother?
Suli sought a pardon for his actions– What actions?
disloyalty.
who crushed Suli– This seems informal/editorialized
overpowered.
Suli had barely avoided getting caught in this struggle– The previous sentence says he was "crushed", which suggests getting caught in the struggle.
Shaban Suli was known to be just to his subjects but cruel to his enemies.– Is there evidence that this was a widely held belief during his reign? Or is this the opinion of some modern day historian?
Assassination:
on the way to the yaylak near Marash– Do we know why he was going there?
Spot checks:
The article uses neutral tone and does not give disproportionate weight to any ideas.
No recent disputes.
The image is appropriately licensed and captioned. Maybe some day one of editors skilled in map-making can create cleaner SVG maps for this region's history.