The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 15:19, 24 October 2023 (UTC)
I'll get this reviewed some time today. Hopefully we can get all of the Women in Green nominations reviewed before the event ends.
Thebiguglyalien (
talk) 15:19, 24 October 2023 (UTC)
FormalDude, the review is posted below. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 18:24, 24 October 2023 (UTC)
She actively combated– "actively" doesn't add anything here.
paving the way– Avoid idioms
after seeking advice from Adam Clayton Powell Jr.– The reader should have a general idea of who this is and why he was involved without clicking the link.
as "they have 570 employed hostesses and not one is a Negro," in fact none of the airline's 1,350 persons employed in a flight capacity were– Is there a conjunction missing here? It might be best to rewrite this sentence.
On May 6th, 1960– Avoid ordinals in dates.
Beginning in 1970, Banks Edmiston served as a counselor at New York City's Addicts Rehabilitation Center until 1972– "Beginning in" and "until" are mismatched.
Emidston also dedicated her expertise as a member of the board of directors for the Black Flight Attendants of America.– I'm not sure what this is trying to say. Does her expertise mean her experience with the legal challenge?
Edmiston practiced Shotokan and is a black belt holder– Is this supposed to be past tense and then present tense?
Spot checks:
similar to other Black women at the time, encountered consistent rejections. The source says similar to other Black women in her predicament, faced rejection from them all.
Edmiston remembered facing violent threats following the verdict and had to seek law enforcement assistance to safeguard her well-being. The source says Banks-Edmiston recalled that she received threats of violence in letters after the ruling and needed protection from law enforcement to ensure her safety.
he pressure of needing to maintain a flawless record in order to preserve future prospects for other Black flight attendants, combined with the racial discrimination she encountered while flying in the Southern United States, exacted a significant emotional toll on Edmiston. The source says the constant pressure of having to be infallible so as to not ruin future opportunities for other aspiring Black stewardesses, coupled with the racism she experienced flying through the South, took a great emotional toll on her. She resigned a year later in order to further pursue her education
No issues.
No recent disputes.
Both images are public domain and suitably captioned.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewing |
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 15:19, 24 October 2023 (UTC)
I'll get this reviewed some time today. Hopefully we can get all of the Women in Green nominations reviewed before the event ends.
Thebiguglyalien (
talk) 15:19, 24 October 2023 (UTC)
FormalDude, the review is posted below. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 18:24, 24 October 2023 (UTC)
She actively combated– "actively" doesn't add anything here.
paving the way– Avoid idioms
after seeking advice from Adam Clayton Powell Jr.– The reader should have a general idea of who this is and why he was involved without clicking the link.
as "they have 570 employed hostesses and not one is a Negro," in fact none of the airline's 1,350 persons employed in a flight capacity were– Is there a conjunction missing here? It might be best to rewrite this sentence.
On May 6th, 1960– Avoid ordinals in dates.
Beginning in 1970, Banks Edmiston served as a counselor at New York City's Addicts Rehabilitation Center until 1972– "Beginning in" and "until" are mismatched.
Emidston also dedicated her expertise as a member of the board of directors for the Black Flight Attendants of America.– I'm not sure what this is trying to say. Does her expertise mean her experience with the legal challenge?
Edmiston practiced Shotokan and is a black belt holder– Is this supposed to be past tense and then present tense?
Spot checks:
similar to other Black women at the time, encountered consistent rejections. The source says similar to other Black women in her predicament, faced rejection from them all.
Edmiston remembered facing violent threats following the verdict and had to seek law enforcement assistance to safeguard her well-being. The source says Banks-Edmiston recalled that she received threats of violence in letters after the ruling and needed protection from law enforcement to ensure her safety.
he pressure of needing to maintain a flawless record in order to preserve future prospects for other Black flight attendants, combined with the racial discrimination she encountered while flying in the Southern United States, exacted a significant emotional toll on Edmiston. The source says the constant pressure of having to be infallible so as to not ruin future opportunities for other aspiring Black stewardesses, coupled with the racism she experienced flying through the South, took a great emotional toll on her. She resigned a year later in order to further pursue her education
No issues.
No recent disputes.
Both images are public domain and suitably captioned.