| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Nominator: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 07:52, 9 March 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: 750h+ ( talk · contribs) 02:08, 1 April 2024 (UTC)
- Hi Thebiguglyalien, I’ll review this article :)). 750h+ | Talk 02:08, 1 April 2024 (UTC)
Prose
- ”Melania Trump (born Melanija Knavs;[a] April 26, 1970) is a Slovenian-American former model who served as the first lady of the United States from 2017 to 2021 as the wife of President Donald Trump.” That sentence might be a bit too long. Maybe “Melania Trump (born Melanija Knavs;[a] April 26, 1970) is a Slovenian-American former model who is the wife of President Donald Trump. As such, she was the first lady of the United States, serving from 2017 to 2021.”
- ”She changed the spelling of her name to Melania Knauss” For conciseness, consider changing to “She changed her name to Melania Knauss”
- ”They began dating, and she began adjusting to a more lavish lifestyle.” Maybe change to “They began dating, and she adopted a more lavish lifestyle.”
- ”In the month leading up to the election, she was forced to respond to the Access Hollywood tape that had caused a scandal for her husband.” remove had
- ”Her father Viktor Knavs first worked as a chauffeur, and he eventually sold car parts for a state-owned vehicle manufacturer as he made connections with the communist party.” Maybe changed to “Her father, Viktor Knavs, worked initially as a chauffeur before he began selling car parts for a state-owned vehicle manufacturer as he made connections with the communist party.” Might just be my personal preference though.
- ”Her mother Amalija worked as a patternmaker at the children's clothing manufacturer Jutranjka in Sevnica.” Add Amalija‘s last name.
- ”At the time, she had wanted to be a fashion designer rather than a model.” Remove had.
Referencing
- I have done a spotcheck on 3 sources [3], [150], and [175]. Just a minor concern is reference 2, from the “Dolenjski list”, a reliable source?
Final comments
- No more concerns. Address the above comments and I’ll be happy to pass the article! :)
750h+ |
Talk 02:28, 1 April 2024 (UTC)
- 750h+ I appreciate your taking the time to look over the article. However, I disagree that most of these are issues. This review only covers the first few paragraphs, and it does not address the GA criteria. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 22:13, 1 April 2024 (UTC)
- 750h+ Given the scope and contentious nature of this article, it would probably be better if it were looked at by someone with a lot of experience nominating and reviewing at GAN. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 00:57, 3 April 2024 (UTC)
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Nominator: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 07:52, 9 March 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: 750h+ ( talk · contribs) 02:08, 1 April 2024 (UTC)
- Hi Thebiguglyalien, I’ll review this article :)). 750h+ | Talk 02:08, 1 April 2024 (UTC)
Prose
- ”Melania Trump (born Melanija Knavs;[a] April 26, 1970) is a Slovenian-American former model who served as the first lady of the United States from 2017 to 2021 as the wife of President Donald Trump.” That sentence might be a bit too long. Maybe “Melania Trump (born Melanija Knavs;[a] April 26, 1970) is a Slovenian-American former model who is the wife of President Donald Trump. As such, she was the first lady of the United States, serving from 2017 to 2021.”
- ”She changed the spelling of her name to Melania Knauss” For conciseness, consider changing to “She changed her name to Melania Knauss”
- ”They began dating, and she began adjusting to a more lavish lifestyle.” Maybe change to “They began dating, and she adopted a more lavish lifestyle.”
- ”In the month leading up to the election, she was forced to respond to the Access Hollywood tape that had caused a scandal for her husband.” remove had
- ”Her father Viktor Knavs first worked as a chauffeur, and he eventually sold car parts for a state-owned vehicle manufacturer as he made connections with the communist party.” Maybe changed to “Her father, Viktor Knavs, worked initially as a chauffeur before he began selling car parts for a state-owned vehicle manufacturer as he made connections with the communist party.” Might just be my personal preference though.
- ”Her mother Amalija worked as a patternmaker at the children's clothing manufacturer Jutranjka in Sevnica.” Add Amalija‘s last name.
- ”At the time, she had wanted to be a fashion designer rather than a model.” Remove had.
Referencing
- I have done a spotcheck on 3 sources [3], [150], and [175]. Just a minor concern is reference 2, from the “Dolenjski list”, a reliable source?
Final comments
- No more concerns. Address the above comments and I’ll be happy to pass the article! :)
750h+ |
Talk 02:28, 1 April 2024 (UTC)
- 750h+ I appreciate your taking the time to look over the article. However, I disagree that most of these are issues. This review only covers the first few paragraphs, and it does not address the GA criteria. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 22:13, 1 April 2024 (UTC)
- 750h+ Given the scope and contentious nature of this article, it would probably be better if it were looked at by someone with a lot of experience nominating and reviewing at GAN. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 00:57, 3 April 2024 (UTC)