The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Sammi Brie ( talk · contribs) 00:38, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
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GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not) |
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Mostly copy changes and some citations that should be switched out for others in the same article. Well on its way, in my estimation.
Sammi Brie (she/her •
t •
c) 01:14, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
- Thanks for the prompt review! I have addressed a few of the issues, and will get to the rest of it soon. Larataguera ( talk) 18:16, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
- Hi Sammi Brie, I think I have addressed all of the concerns that you raised below. Please let me know if you have any other suggestions! Thanks again. All of your comments were very helpful! Larataguera ( talk) 11:04, 13 August 2023 (UTC)
Copy changes
- Throughout: Take short, choppy paragraphs and reconfigure them into fewer but longer, more coherent paragraphs.
- I have consolidated single-sentence paragraphs into longer paragraphs
-
MOS:LEADCITE: Most items cited in the body do not need citations in the lead. You may have several redundant citations as a result.
- I found that several of the statements made in the lead weren't repeated in the body, so I restated some things lower down and moved the citations. Let me know if the remaining citations in the lead are ok, or if you would like to see more restatement of information in the body and citations removed from the lead. Larataguera ( talk) 18:13, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
- The mine produced extremely toxic lead pollution for ninety years. Several studies have confirmed that over 100,000 people including tens of thousands of children near the mine suffer from lead poisoning. Add commas before and after the bolded section to improve reading
Done
- The first railway in the country, operated by Rhodesian Railways, reached the Broken Hill mine as early as 1906, and the town became the northern base for the railway, which was the second biggest employer after the mine. Needs a citation.
- I had copied this from Kabwe, where it is uncited. I could only find citation for part of this information, so I cut it down to what I could verify and added a citation.
- Consider reflowing the short choppy paragraphs in "History" into longer ones.
- I consolidated a few of the short paragraphs in this section
- a division of Anglo-American plc headquartered in South Africa is the division headquartered or SA or the company? if the latter, add a comma after plc
- I rephrased, hopefully this is clearer. Anglo American plc was headquartered in South Africa, though it has since moved to London.
- "lined with beautiful crystals of pyromorphite and cerussite,"
MOS:LOGICAL move comma out of quotes
- Done
- Link some of the mineral names; "Sphalerite" does not need to be capitalized.
- I linked all of the mineral names.
- Add a comma after the (400ppm) parenthetical because the sentence has multiple subjects and verbs. See
User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences (CinS)
- Done
- Anglo American says that it provided technical services at the mine, and that the state-owned Zambia Consolidated Copper Mines has accepted liability for the poisoning. Remove comma (CinS)
- Done
- "in 2015" starts sentence with no capitalization.
- Done
- By 2021, the Zambian government had taken some actions to provide healthcare for people, but had not taken steps to clean up the toxic waste. Remove comma (CinS)
- removed
Spot checks
- 10: Chemosphere article is used six times.
Despite closure of the mine, scavenging of metal scraps from the abandoned tailings and wastes stored on the mine has continued to serve as a source of metal pollution, especially dusts emanating from the mine dumps.
Does this describe artisanal mining? It does note the continued lead risk. Change any refs on artisanal mining to [11]; leave [10] to mention continued risk.- I changed the citation on the mention of artisanal mining to Rocks and Minerals (now [8] because of changes to citations in the lead)
- Anglo American isn't mentioned in this, so it shouldn't be cited for the sentence that says AA claims to have never owned the mine.
- Removed
As shown in Table 2, all of the sampled children had BLLs exceeding the guideline value that raise ‘health concerns’ (5 μg/dL).
There were 246 samples; 161 of the 246 were above 5 μg/dL. That's a good use for "many".
- 11: Article in Rocks & Minerals.
Shortly after Zambian independence, in 1964, the name of both the mine and the town that had grown up around it was changed from Broken Hill to Kabwe. Underground mining ceased in 1994, but artisanal operations have continued to recover ore minerals from spoil heaps and waste dumps.
Under the auspices of the Rhodesia Broken Hill Company, mining at Kabwe commenced in 1904 and reached full-scale production in 1906 (CitationMufinda 2015), and in the ensuing eighty-eight years, the Broken Hill deposit produced more than 1.8 million tons (mt) of zinc and 0.8 mt of lead metal; 7,816 tonnes of vanadium oxide; 80,000 kilograms of silver; and 235,000 kilograms of cadmium
Caverns in the lower part of the gossan contained mammalian bones and associated phosphate minerals, including pyromorphite, hopeite, parahopeite, and tarbuttite, and the vanadates descloizite and vanadinite.
..."caves lined with beautiful crystals of pyromorphite and cerussite were disclosed"
(Pelletier 1929)
- 15: Article in The Lancet.
was most productive under the ownership of Anglo American South Africa, between 1906 and 1974. The Zambian Government then took over until the mine closed in 1994.
The 1925 date is in the co-cited Al Jazeera article and also in Foreign Policy:The lawsuit was filed in Johannesburg because Anglo American was headquartered there when it held a majority stake in the lead mine in Kabwe from 1925 until 1974, when it was nationalized by the Zambian government—before eventually being closed in 1994.
- Please clarify if you would like any changes here. I suppose there's some ambiguity as to whether peak production should be described between 1906-74 or 1925-74. Seems like the majority of sources take it from '25, but I'm happy to attempt some clarification if necessary.
- I meant to put a here.
- I meant to put a
- Please clarify if you would like any changes here. I suppose there's some ambiguity as to whether peak production should be described between 1906-74 or 1925-74. Seems like the majority of sources take it from '25, but I'm happy to attempt some clarification if necessary.
- 16:
Sphalerite, galena, pyrite, minor chalcopyrite, and accessory Ge-sulphides of briartite and renierite constitute the primary ore mineral assemblage. Cores of massive sulphide orebodies are surrounded by oxide zones of silicate ore (willemite) and mineralized jasperoid that consists largely of quartz, willemite, cerussite, smithsonite, goethite and hematite, as well as numerous other secondary minerals
- 19: Bloomberg article on hearing considering class-action status. Checks out in the paywall preview.
Earwig finds a few five- or six-word phrases shared but they are not creative phrases.
Images
There is a 1906 railway construction image, LOC, no known copyright restrictions. The rock image is CC-BY-SA 3.0. Encouragement: Use somewhat more descriptive alt text and add it to the railway image, even if it's "Refer to caption".
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Sammi Brie ( talk · contribs) 00:38, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
|
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not) |
|---|
|
|
Overall: |
|
·
·
·
|
Mostly copy changes and some citations that should be switched out for others in the same article. Well on its way, in my estimation.
Sammi Brie (she/her •
t •
c) 01:14, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
- Thanks for the prompt review! I have addressed a few of the issues, and will get to the rest of it soon. Larataguera ( talk) 18:16, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
- Hi Sammi Brie, I think I have addressed all of the concerns that you raised below. Please let me know if you have any other suggestions! Thanks again. All of your comments were very helpful! Larataguera ( talk) 11:04, 13 August 2023 (UTC)
Copy changes
- Throughout: Take short, choppy paragraphs and reconfigure them into fewer but longer, more coherent paragraphs.
- I have consolidated single-sentence paragraphs into longer paragraphs
-
MOS:LEADCITE: Most items cited in the body do not need citations in the lead. You may have several redundant citations as a result.
- I found that several of the statements made in the lead weren't repeated in the body, so I restated some things lower down and moved the citations. Let me know if the remaining citations in the lead are ok, or if you would like to see more restatement of information in the body and citations removed from the lead. Larataguera ( talk) 18:13, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
- The mine produced extremely toxic lead pollution for ninety years. Several studies have confirmed that over 100,000 people including tens of thousands of children near the mine suffer from lead poisoning. Add commas before and after the bolded section to improve reading
- Done
- The first railway in the country, operated by Rhodesian Railways, reached the Broken Hill mine as early as 1906, and the town became the northern base for the railway, which was the second biggest employer after the mine. Needs a citation.
- I had copied this from Kabwe, where it is uncited. I could only find citation for part of this information, so I cut it down to what I could verify and added a citation.
- Consider reflowing the short choppy paragraphs in "History" into longer ones.
- I consolidated a few of the short paragraphs in this section
- a division of Anglo-American plc headquartered in South Africa is the division headquartered or SA or the company? if the latter, add a comma after plc
- I rephrased, hopefully this is clearer. Anglo American plc was headquartered in South Africa, though it has since moved to London.
- "lined with beautiful crystals of pyromorphite and cerussite,"
MOS:LOGICAL move comma out of quotes
- Done
- Link some of the mineral names; "Sphalerite" does not need to be capitalized.
- I linked all of the mineral names.
- Add a comma after the (400ppm) parenthetical because the sentence has multiple subjects and verbs. See
User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences (CinS)
- Done
- Anglo American says that it provided technical services at the mine, and that the state-owned Zambia Consolidated Copper Mines has accepted liability for the poisoning. Remove comma (CinS)
- Done
- "in 2015" starts sentence with no capitalization.
- Done
- By 2021, the Zambian government had taken some actions to provide healthcare for people, but had not taken steps to clean up the toxic waste. Remove comma (CinS)
- removed
Spot checks
- 10: Chemosphere article is used six times.
Despite closure of the mine, scavenging of metal scraps from the abandoned tailings and wastes stored on the mine has continued to serve as a source of metal pollution, especially dusts emanating from the mine dumps.
Does this describe artisanal mining? It does note the continued lead risk. Change any refs on artisanal mining to [11]; leave [10] to mention continued risk.- I changed the citation on the mention of artisanal mining to Rocks and Minerals (now [8] because of changes to citations in the lead)
- Anglo American isn't mentioned in this, so it shouldn't be cited for the sentence that says AA claims to have never owned the mine.
- Removed
As shown in Table 2, all of the sampled children had BLLs exceeding the guideline value that raise ‘health concerns’ (5 μg/dL).
There were 246 samples; 161 of the 246 were above 5 μg/dL. That's a good use for "many".
- 11: Article in Rocks & Minerals.
Shortly after Zambian independence, in 1964, the name of both the mine and the town that had grown up around it was changed from Broken Hill to Kabwe. Underground mining ceased in 1994, but artisanal operations have continued to recover ore minerals from spoil heaps and waste dumps.
Under the auspices of the Rhodesia Broken Hill Company, mining at Kabwe commenced in 1904 and reached full-scale production in 1906 (CitationMufinda 2015), and in the ensuing eighty-eight years, the Broken Hill deposit produced more than 1.8 million tons (mt) of zinc and 0.8 mt of lead metal; 7,816 tonnes of vanadium oxide; 80,000 kilograms of silver; and 235,000 kilograms of cadmium
Caverns in the lower part of the gossan contained mammalian bones and associated phosphate minerals, including pyromorphite, hopeite, parahopeite, and tarbuttite, and the vanadates descloizite and vanadinite.
..."caves lined with beautiful crystals of pyromorphite and cerussite were disclosed"
(Pelletier 1929)
- 15: Article in The Lancet.
was most productive under the ownership of Anglo American South Africa, between 1906 and 1974. The Zambian Government then took over until the mine closed in 1994.
The 1925 date is in the co-cited Al Jazeera article and also in Foreign Policy:The lawsuit was filed in Johannesburg because Anglo American was headquartered there when it held a majority stake in the lead mine in Kabwe from 1925 until 1974, when it was nationalized by the Zambian government—before eventually being closed in 1994.
- Please clarify if you would like any changes here. I suppose there's some ambiguity as to whether peak production should be described between 1906-74 or 1925-74. Seems like the majority of sources take it from '25, but I'm happy to attempt some clarification if necessary.
- I meant to put a here.
- I meant to put a
- Please clarify if you would like any changes here. I suppose there's some ambiguity as to whether peak production should be described between 1906-74 or 1925-74. Seems like the majority of sources take it from '25, but I'm happy to attempt some clarification if necessary.
- 16:
Sphalerite, galena, pyrite, minor chalcopyrite, and accessory Ge-sulphides of briartite and renierite constitute the primary ore mineral assemblage. Cores of massive sulphide orebodies are surrounded by oxide zones of silicate ore (willemite) and mineralized jasperoid that consists largely of quartz, willemite, cerussite, smithsonite, goethite and hematite, as well as numerous other secondary minerals
- 19: Bloomberg article on hearing considering class-action status. Checks out in the paywall preview.
Earwig finds a few five- or six-word phrases shared but they are not creative phrases.
Images
There is a 1906 railway construction image, LOC, no known copyright restrictions. The rock image is CC-BY-SA 3.0. Encouragement: Use somewhat more descriptive alt text and add it to the railway image, even if it's "Refer to caption".
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.