I recommend replacing "Sumner" with "he" throughout, if "he" wouldn't be ambiguous in paragraphs where you've already mentioned Sumner once and where "he" wouldn't be ambiguous.
Done - Although my definition of ambiguous might be different than yours.
"William Smallwood a Continental Army general": William Smallwood, a Continental Army general
Done
"long arms": Either link to
long gun or say what kind of long arms they were.
Done - changed to "guns".
"After the death of General Francis Nash, then in command of the North Carolina Brigade, at Germantown,": After the death at Germantown of General ...
Done
"Assemby": sp
Done.
"resigned after Brandywine due to charges of cowardice that had been leveled against him": I believe
WP:Checklist#because is relevant here. "resigned after charges of cowardice were leveled against him". Per
WP:Checklist#chronology, I believe most readers will assume this came after Brandywine ... but if the charges first came during Brandywine, it would be fine to say that.
Done - Took your suggestion
"to urge for Sumner's promotion": "to lobby for Sumner's promotion" or "to urge them to promote Sumner" would work
Done - "to nominate Sumner for promotion" is more accurate
"Due to his leave of absence, Sumner was not present at the Siege of Savannah in September and October 1779, which was a disaster for the Continental Army.": Sumner was on a leave of absence in September and October 1779 during the Siege of Savannah, which was a disaster for the Continental Army.
Done
"decimated": This is a "skunked" word, that is, a word made useless because people insist on using it to mean completely different things (reduced by a tenth vs. annihilated)
Done - I even know that word is incorrect in usage of the sort, but it instinctively comes out when I'm writing.
"that State" (x2): the state
Done - that's my attorney designatory language coming out, where every pronoun has to be replaced by a reflexive pronoun or demonstrative adjective, so that the meaning is clear.
"once again fallen ill, began to slack off": "slack off" is informal, and was he really slacking off? Would it be enough to say that he failed to report to Greene for several months at a time?
Done - removed the slacking off portion. Don't know why that was used. That was toward the end of my marathon improvement session, I must have been tired.
"Post-war, death, and legacy": "post-war" (or postwar) is an adjective according to the usual dictionaries, not an adverb or noun
Done
"a monument that was part of a plan to create a": Would "a monument intended as a ..." or "a monument designed as a ..." work?
Done - "A monument designed as..."
Otherwise:
GA review (see
here for what the criteria are, and
here for what they are not)
Thanks for your review, @
Dank:, and for your many constructive edits!
Cdtew (
talk) 13:25, 26 June 2013 (UTC)reply
Passed. I can tell you're rapidly getting better at this, which is more than enough compensation for me. - Dank (
push to talk) 13:45, 26 June 2013 (UTC)reply
I recommend replacing "Sumner" with "he" throughout, if "he" wouldn't be ambiguous in paragraphs where you've already mentioned Sumner once and where "he" wouldn't be ambiguous.
Done - Although my definition of ambiguous might be different than yours.
"William Smallwood a Continental Army general": William Smallwood, a Continental Army general
Done
"long arms": Either link to
long gun or say what kind of long arms they were.
Done - changed to "guns".
"After the death of General Francis Nash, then in command of the North Carolina Brigade, at Germantown,": After the death at Germantown of General ...
Done
"Assemby": sp
Done.
"resigned after Brandywine due to charges of cowardice that had been leveled against him": I believe
WP:Checklist#because is relevant here. "resigned after charges of cowardice were leveled against him". Per
WP:Checklist#chronology, I believe most readers will assume this came after Brandywine ... but if the charges first came during Brandywine, it would be fine to say that.
Done - Took your suggestion
"to urge for Sumner's promotion": "to lobby for Sumner's promotion" or "to urge them to promote Sumner" would work
Done - "to nominate Sumner for promotion" is more accurate
"Due to his leave of absence, Sumner was not present at the Siege of Savannah in September and October 1779, which was a disaster for the Continental Army.": Sumner was on a leave of absence in September and October 1779 during the Siege of Savannah, which was a disaster for the Continental Army.
Done
"decimated": This is a "skunked" word, that is, a word made useless because people insist on using it to mean completely different things (reduced by a tenth vs. annihilated)
Done - I even know that word is incorrect in usage of the sort, but it instinctively comes out when I'm writing.
"that State" (x2): the state
Done - that's my attorney designatory language coming out, where every pronoun has to be replaced by a reflexive pronoun or demonstrative adjective, so that the meaning is clear.
"once again fallen ill, began to slack off": "slack off" is informal, and was he really slacking off? Would it be enough to say that he failed to report to Greene for several months at a time?
Done - removed the slacking off portion. Don't know why that was used. That was toward the end of my marathon improvement session, I must have been tired.
"Post-war, death, and legacy": "post-war" (or postwar) is an adjective according to the usual dictionaries, not an adverb or noun
Done
"a monument that was part of a plan to create a": Would "a monument intended as a ..." or "a monument designed as a ..." work?
Done - "A monument designed as..."
Otherwise:
GA review (see
here for what the criteria are, and
here for what they are not)
Thanks for your review, @
Dank:, and for your many constructive edits!
Cdtew (
talk) 13:25, 26 June 2013 (UTC)reply
Passed. I can tell you're rapidly getting better at this, which is more than enough compensation for me. - Dank (
push to talk) 13:45, 26 June 2013 (UTC)reply