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The family tree is inaccurate, for example omitting Rupert, the 3rd child of Mark Birley. I am unable to add to the boxes, but someone should fix its form (eg, include mother...) and fix errors as above.
Overall, there seem to be excessive quotations. I don't have any specific ones in mind, but getting rid of or shorting a few would be helpful. Done
An infobox is something that I strongly advocate for in any article. Done
Freely available images are scarce, but something at least partially relevant to her life would help illustrate the article a little. Done
Several duplinks throughout the body.
Biography
Her birthdate is given in the lead, but not here. I cannot find the birthdate online in an RS so I have removed it.
I know everyone knows what London is being discussed, but specify London, England (assuming the source does, which I cannot see, as it is paywalled) for formality. Done
and three half-siblings, Zac, Jemima, and Ben Goldsmith, from her mother's relationship with James Goldsmith, the man who became her second husband. I suggest rewording to "Lady Annabel's second husband" or "India Jane's stepfather" for less ambiguity. Done
As a child she witnessed the attack by a tiger at the private zoo of John Aspinall on her brother Robin Awkward wording; try "As a child, she witnessed a tiger attack [and you can link the relevant article] on her brother Robin at John Aspinall, a private zoo." Done, I've refined it slightly and created a new sentence for clarity.
The club had been perceived as old fashioned with its heyday in the 1970s and 1980s but her changes led to the arrival of a younger crowd to the club and the revival of its popularity. Adding commas before with and after 1980s reads much better. Done
Upon his death in 2007 Mark Birley left the majority of his estate valued at £120 million and his possessions to India Jane to be kept in trust for her son, Eben, in his will. Add a comma after 2007. Consider putting dashing around "valued at £120 million". Done "his estate — valued" I assume this is what you mean.
Birley held an auction at Sotheby's You may want to check the linking of the last word. Done
Art
In 2001 The Economist described Birley as being a "modern portrait painter, in pursuit of honesty" Saying "as a" would be far more natural than "as being a". Also, put a comma after the date. Done
Birley and Janey Longman were the two subjects of Lucian Freud's 1992 painting Two Women. Specifying that there were two subjects seems unnecessary in this context. Done
Personal life
During her separation from Pike, Birley met a Canadian voice coach and Alexander Technique tutor, Robert Macdonald. He is described in the cited article as a "a voice coach and teacher of breathing techniques"; mentioning the Alexander Technique seems to stray from what is stated. Removed, Done
The date of her son's birth, or at least the year, should be given, if you can find it (I see that it's not mentioned in the cited source). I cannot find the date of his birth, unfortunately.
No Swan So Fine, when are you going to be done improving the article? I've already waited significantly longer than I should've since I started the review, and I may have no other choice but to fail it if you don't reply in the next day or so.
An anonymous username, not my real name 02:10, 18 November 2022 (UTC)reply
I've now completed the fixes you suggested. Sorry for my inattentiveness.
No Swan So Fine (
talk) 14:32, 18 November 2022 (UTC)reply
This article must adhere to the biographies of living persons (BLP) policy, even if it is not a biography, because it contains material about living persons. Contentious material about living persons that is unsourced or
poorly sourcedmust be removed immediately from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially
libellous. If such material is repeatedly inserted, or if you have other concerns, please report the issue to
this noticeboard.If you are a subject of this article, or acting on behalf of one, and you need help, please see this help page.
This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following
WikiProjects:
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to
join the project and
contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject England, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
England on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.EnglandWikipedia:WikiProject EnglandTemplate:WikiProject EnglandEngland-related articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Visual arts, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
visual arts on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Visual artsWikipedia:WikiProject Visual artsTemplate:WikiProject Visual artsvisual arts articles
The family tree is inaccurate, for example omitting Rupert, the 3rd child of Mark Birley. I am unable to add to the boxes, but someone should fix its form (eg, include mother...) and fix errors as above.
Overall, there seem to be excessive quotations. I don't have any specific ones in mind, but getting rid of or shorting a few would be helpful. Done
An infobox is something that I strongly advocate for in any article. Done
Freely available images are scarce, but something at least partially relevant to her life would help illustrate the article a little. Done
Several duplinks throughout the body.
Biography
Her birthdate is given in the lead, but not here. I cannot find the birthdate online in an RS so I have removed it.
I know everyone knows what London is being discussed, but specify London, England (assuming the source does, which I cannot see, as it is paywalled) for formality. Done
and three half-siblings, Zac, Jemima, and Ben Goldsmith, from her mother's relationship with James Goldsmith, the man who became her second husband. I suggest rewording to "Lady Annabel's second husband" or "India Jane's stepfather" for less ambiguity. Done
As a child she witnessed the attack by a tiger at the private zoo of John Aspinall on her brother Robin Awkward wording; try "As a child, she witnessed a tiger attack [and you can link the relevant article] on her brother Robin at John Aspinall, a private zoo." Done, I've refined it slightly and created a new sentence for clarity.
The club had been perceived as old fashioned with its heyday in the 1970s and 1980s but her changes led to the arrival of a younger crowd to the club and the revival of its popularity. Adding commas before with and after 1980s reads much better. Done
Upon his death in 2007 Mark Birley left the majority of his estate valued at £120 million and his possessions to India Jane to be kept in trust for her son, Eben, in his will. Add a comma after 2007. Consider putting dashing around "valued at £120 million". Done "his estate — valued" I assume this is what you mean.
Birley held an auction at Sotheby's You may want to check the linking of the last word. Done
Art
In 2001 The Economist described Birley as being a "modern portrait painter, in pursuit of honesty" Saying "as a" would be far more natural than "as being a". Also, put a comma after the date. Done
Birley and Janey Longman were the two subjects of Lucian Freud's 1992 painting Two Women. Specifying that there were two subjects seems unnecessary in this context. Done
Personal life
During her separation from Pike, Birley met a Canadian voice coach and Alexander Technique tutor, Robert Macdonald. He is described in the cited article as a "a voice coach and teacher of breathing techniques"; mentioning the Alexander Technique seems to stray from what is stated. Removed, Done
The date of her son's birth, or at least the year, should be given, if you can find it (I see that it's not mentioned in the cited source). I cannot find the date of his birth, unfortunately.
No Swan So Fine, when are you going to be done improving the article? I've already waited significantly longer than I should've since I started the review, and I may have no other choice but to fail it if you don't reply in the next day or so.
An anonymous username, not my real name 02:10, 18 November 2022 (UTC)reply
I've now completed the fixes you suggested. Sorry for my inattentiveness.
No Swan So Fine (
talk) 14:32, 18 November 2022 (UTC)reply