The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: RoySmith ( talk · contribs) 00:17, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Starting review now.
RoySmith
(talk) 00:17, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Lead
- The lead should only summarize information that's in the body of the article per
MOS:LEAD
- Body doesn't say he is/was an auto mechanic. That's in the infobox, but infoboxes should just summarize information in the article, not introduce new information.
- Would a welder at an auto repair shop not be considered a mechanic? I guess the more precise "welder" could work. I've gone ahead and just striked it for now. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- Body says he was born in LaPaz, but not that he "spent his childhood and adolescence" there.
- Fair enough. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- Body doesn't say he is/was an auto mechanic. That's in the infobox, but infoboxes should just summarize information in the article, not introduce new information.
-
MOS:LEADLENGTH suggests that a short article like this (about 3k characters) only needs 1-2 paragraphs for the lead. That's not a hard and fast rule, but I would look to see what you could cut out of the lead to shorten it a bit. It should be "a summary of its most important contents", so try to figure out which fact are the most important and concentrate on those.
- I've gone ahead and shortened it to one paragraph with the bare essentials. It feels a bit clunky to me, but then, I tend to be a tad sesquipedalian in my regular prose, so maybe it's just me. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Early life and career
- This is a fairly short section; I think it would read better to eliminate the two L3 headings you have ("Early life and education" and "Career and community organizing") and run them together under the single L2 heading. See
MOS:OVERSECTION.
- See response under "Works cited". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:34, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Torrez attended local institutes for most of primary and secondary
I think this would read better as "Torrez attended local institutes for most of his primary and secondary education"- Done. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- What is "INFOCAL"? I'm assuming it's an acronym for some longer name; you should use the full name here.
- I vaguely recall not being able to locate what it originally stands for. I've now come across "Fundación Nacional para la Capacitación Laboral", which might be right but doesn't perfectly line up with the acronym – although, there's the possibility that they're just playing it a bit fast and loose there. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- Yeah, that
looks right. I think it's worth adding "(Fundación Nacional para la Capacitación Laboral)" with a link to that page as a citation.
RoySmith
(talk) 23:32, 27 November 2023 (UTC)
- I've added the relevant English translation. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 05:01, 28 November 2023 (UTC)
Chamber of Deputies
- As above, you should eliminate the L3 headings and run it all together under the single L2 heading.
- See response under "Works cited". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:34, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
to be a candidate in the general
-> ... in the general election.- Check. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- It's unclear what
circumscription 11
means. I assume it's some sort of governmental subdivision in Bolivia? This should be explained, or maybe there's an article about it you can link to?- I did put "district" at the beginning. Recently, I've starting adding the phrase " single-member" (with a helpful link) before instances of "circumscription" so as to avoid confusion while keeping the more precise Spanish-to-English translation. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
defeating several candidates he self-admittedly noted held higher professional qualifications
that's an oddly-worded phrase. Maybe "defeating several candidates he admitted held higher professional qualifiations"?- I've reworded it for now. However, I'm starting to rethink whether it merits inclusion at all. Truth be told, if there wasn't so little information to work with, I may not have ordinarily added such a tidbit. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:34, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Works cited
I don't see any reason to break things out into "Online and list sources", "Digital and print publication" and "Books and encyclopedias". I would combine those all into a single list, in alphabetical order.
- I'm looking to keep a cohesive organizational style between all articles I write on Bolivian lawmakers. The eventual aim is a Good topic, which recommends "the same section titles and order where possible". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:34, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- I'm not entirely convinced that shoehorning every article into a poorly-fitting template makes sense, but OK, I won't insist.
RoySmith
(talk) 23:34, 27 November 2023 (UTC)
- I'm one to agree, so this will probably be something I revisit once I get to the GT nomination phase. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 04:57, 28 November 2023 (UTC)
General comments
In several places, you lump multiple sources together into a single citation. For example, ref #1 is "Gonzales Salas 2013, p. 215; Vargas & Villavicencio 2014, p. 149.". Those should be two distinct citations, one to each source. Actually, I'm not 100% about that, so I'll ask around and get some citation experts to add their opinions here, so wait a bit before you act on this one.- My basic rule is to lump multiple sources together whenever they both mention the same piece of information. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
It's odd that you use greek letters for footnotes. I don't know that it's strictly disallowed by WP:GACR, but it's certainly unusual. I suggest you stick to number of letters of the english alphabet (a, b, c...)- Here, it's just personal preference. I assumed they were interchangeable but if there's a set rule or recommendation, I'll happily follow it. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- I've struck both of the above after getting some additional input. RoySmith (talk) 04:26, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Images
- I suspect
File:Osvaldo Guillermo Torrez Arisaca (Official Photo, 2014) Chamber of Deputies of Bolivia.png is mis-labeled in commons. I'll have to ask for help on that one. See
commons:Commons:Village pump#Osvaldo Guillermo Torrez Arisaca.
- I've added my two cents on the Commons page. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
_Chamber_of_Deputies_of_Bolivia.png){kind=link}
Wrapping up
- No problems found with copyvios, although I'll admit I only did a cursory examination since the use of non-English sources made a deeper look difficult. AGF, I guess.
- I'm not a fan of explicitly setting linelengths (i.e.
{{refbegin|35em}}) but WP:CACR gives you latitude in how you format references, so I'll just note it here. The problem with this sort of formatting is it assumes knowledge about how the the reader is viewing the page; not just screen size, but different fonts, etc. 35em may be totally wrong on the readers device. - The sources all appear to WP:RS.
- No issues spotted with any of the other WP:GACR, so I'll call this a pass. RoySmith (talk) 15:27, 28 November 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: RoySmith ( talk · contribs) 00:17, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Starting review now.
RoySmith
(talk) 00:17, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Lead
- The lead should only summarize information that's in the body of the article per
MOS:LEAD
- Body doesn't say he is/was an auto mechanic. That's in the infobox, but infoboxes should just summarize information in the article, not introduce new information.
- Would a welder at an auto repair shop not be considered a mechanic? I guess the more precise "welder" could work. I've gone ahead and just striked it for now. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- Body says he was born in LaPaz, but not that he "spent his childhood and adolescence" there.
- Fair enough. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- Body doesn't say he is/was an auto mechanic. That's in the infobox, but infoboxes should just summarize information in the article, not introduce new information.
-
MOS:LEADLENGTH suggests that a short article like this (about 3k characters) only needs 1-2 paragraphs for the lead. That's not a hard and fast rule, but I would look to see what you could cut out of the lead to shorten it a bit. It should be "a summary of its most important contents", so try to figure out which fact are the most important and concentrate on those.
- I've gone ahead and shortened it to one paragraph with the bare essentials. It feels a bit clunky to me, but then, I tend to be a tad sesquipedalian in my regular prose, so maybe it's just me. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Early life and career
- This is a fairly short section; I think it would read better to eliminate the two L3 headings you have ("Early life and education" and "Career and community organizing") and run them together under the single L2 heading. See
MOS:OVERSECTION.
- See response under "Works cited". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:34, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Torrez attended local institutes for most of primary and secondary
I think this would read better as "Torrez attended local institutes for most of his primary and secondary education"- Done. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- What is "INFOCAL"? I'm assuming it's an acronym for some longer name; you should use the full name here.
- I vaguely recall not being able to locate what it originally stands for. I've now come across "Fundación Nacional para la Capacitación Laboral", which might be right but doesn't perfectly line up with the acronym – although, there's the possibility that they're just playing it a bit fast and loose there. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- Yeah, that
looks right. I think it's worth adding "(Fundación Nacional para la Capacitación Laboral)" with a link to that page as a citation.
RoySmith
(talk) 23:32, 27 November 2023 (UTC)
- I've added the relevant English translation. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 05:01, 28 November 2023 (UTC)
Chamber of Deputies
- As above, you should eliminate the L3 headings and run it all together under the single L2 heading.
- See response under "Works cited". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:34, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
to be a candidate in the general
-> ... in the general election.- Check. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- It's unclear what
circumscription 11
means. I assume it's some sort of governmental subdivision in Bolivia? This should be explained, or maybe there's an article about it you can link to?- I did put "district" at the beginning. Recently, I've starting adding the phrase " single-member" (with a helpful link) before instances of "circumscription" so as to avoid confusion while keeping the more precise Spanish-to-English translation. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
defeating several candidates he self-admittedly noted held higher professional qualifications
that's an oddly-worded phrase. Maybe "defeating several candidates he admitted held higher professional qualifiations"?- I've reworded it for now. However, I'm starting to rethink whether it merits inclusion at all. Truth be told, if there wasn't so little information to work with, I may not have ordinarily added such a tidbit. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:34, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Works cited
I don't see any reason to break things out into "Online and list sources", "Digital and print publication" and "Books and encyclopedias". I would combine those all into a single list, in alphabetical order.
- I'm looking to keep a cohesive organizational style between all articles I write on Bolivian lawmakers. The eventual aim is a Good topic, which recommends "the same section titles and order where possible". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:34, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- I'm not entirely convinced that shoehorning every article into a poorly-fitting template makes sense, but OK, I won't insist.
RoySmith
(talk) 23:34, 27 November 2023 (UTC)
- I'm one to agree, so this will probably be something I revisit once I get to the GT nomination phase. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 04:57, 28 November 2023 (UTC)
General comments
In several places, you lump multiple sources together into a single citation. For example, ref #1 is "Gonzales Salas 2013, p. 215; Vargas & Villavicencio 2014, p. 149.". Those should be two distinct citations, one to each source. Actually, I'm not 100% about that, so I'll ask around and get some citation experts to add their opinions here, so wait a bit before you act on this one.- My basic rule is to lump multiple sources together whenever they both mention the same piece of information. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
It's odd that you use greek letters for footnotes. I don't know that it's strictly disallowed by WP:GACR, but it's certainly unusual. I suggest you stick to number of letters of the english alphabet (a, b, c...)- Here, it's just personal preference. I assumed they were interchangeable but if there's a set rule or recommendation, I'll happily follow it. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
- I've struck both of the above after getting some additional input. RoySmith (talk) 04:26, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Images
- I suspect
File:Osvaldo Guillermo Torrez Arisaca (Official Photo, 2014) Chamber of Deputies of Bolivia.png is mis-labeled in commons. I'll have to ask for help on that one. See
commons:Commons:Village pump#Osvaldo Guillermo Torrez Arisaca.
- I've added my two cents on the Commons page. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 13:52, 25 November 2023 (UTC)
Wrapping up
- No problems found with copyvios, although I'll admit I only did a cursory examination since the use of non-English sources made a deeper look difficult. AGF, I guess.
- I'm not a fan of explicitly setting linelengths (i.e.
{{refbegin|35em}}) but WP:CACR gives you latitude in how you format references, so I'll just note it here. The problem with this sort of formatting is it assumes knowledge about how the the reader is viewing the page; not just screen size, but different fonts, etc. 35em may be totally wrong on the readers device. - The sources all appear to WP:RS.
- No issues spotted with any of the other WP:GACR, so I'll call this a pass. RoySmith (talk) 15:27, 28 November 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.