Home • Search • Translate
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

Passed. BritneyErotica ( talk) 11:18, 22 September 2023 (UTC) reply

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article ( | visual edit | history) · Article talk ( | history) · Watch

Reviewer: BritneyErotica ( talk · contribs) 15:57, 31 August 2023 (UTC) reply


Rate Attribute Review Comment
1. Well-written:
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. Consider changing "As leader of his own neighborhood council" to be "As the leader of".

Remove "with" in "with which he unsuccessfully contested a seat on the Oruro Municipal Council in 2021"

  • "with" is correct here. He contested the seat "with" the party. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:42, 8 September 2023 (UTC) reply

Consider the following rewording from "Much later, in 2001, Huayta graduated from the Center for Accelerated Secondary Education, a specialized institute aimed at promoting adults whose academic development was interrupted during their youth" to "In 2001, Huayta completed his studies at the Center for Accelerated Secondary Education. This specialized institution focuses on advancing adults who had their education disrupted in their younger years."

A lot of this doesn't make sense and is unreferenced "After fulfilling his term of military service, Huayta settled in the city of Oruro, where he built a family and took a number of odd jobs. Having played as an amateur musician in his early years, he served as a police officer between 1991 and 1996 but retired to work in commerce as a carrier, a job he also felt unfulfilled in.". Consider "After completing his military service, Huayta moved to the city of Oruro, where he started a family and took on various temporary jobs. Although he had been an amateur musician in his earlier years, he worked as a police officer from 1991 to 1996. Later, he shifted to a career in commerce as a carrier, a job that also did not provide him with a sense of fulfillment."

  • Re-worded. Can you specify which parts are unicted? Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:42, 8 September 2023 (UTC) reply

"Huayta had been a supporter of the movement for water rights since its inception, and had been working to supply Oruro's impoverished outer neighborhoods with better water access since 2003, an effort that grew in subsequent years to also include other development projects, such as the provision of improved sewerage, added public lighting, and enhanced internet and natural gas access" run-on sentence. Consider breaking it up.

"capital's oft-neglected urban sprawl." while "oft-neglected" is correct, it may have a more universal word/phrase to satisfy a broad audience.

Many words to avoid in "Huayta's top slot on the party's list of candidates practically guaranteed his victory, even before the MAS swept nearly every seat in Oruro's parliamentary delegation" such as "practically" and "swept" (See MOS:WTW).

"he stated." Redundant as the quote is lead into prior.

Consider rewording ""Huayta pursued many of the same aims in office as he had as a community leader, sponsoring the development of Oruro's less affluent urban areas, with the added role of oversight granted to him as a legislator." to "In his capacity as a legislator, Huayta continued to champion the same objectives he had focused on as a community leader. Specifically, he advocated for the development of Oruro's economically disadvantaged neighborhoods, now with the enhanced authority and oversight that came with his official role."

"Near the tail end of 2014" "Tail end" is unnecessary. Just "end" works.

More words to watch in "Not unexpectedly, INCA-FS did not win the Oruro mayoralty, but its modest third-place finish did net it a few seats on the municipal council. That small victory, however, was quickly tempered by the errant nature of the party's two elected councillors, who proved uncooperative and unresponsive to Huayta's leadership.". Consider "INCA-FS did not win the mayoral race in Oruro, finishing in third place. However, this result did secure them some seats on the municipal council. The initial success was offset by the behavior of the party's two elected councillors, who were not cooperative or responsive to Huayta's leadership."

  • "Offset" is another word I should use more often. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:42, 8 September 2023 (UTC) reply

Likewise "Those hopes, however, were dashed in the final days of the race after Salas unexpectedly resigned his candidacy in an ultimately futile attempt to prevent a division of the vote in favor of the MAS. Although Huayta rejected Salas's withdrawal and attempted to keep INCA-FS's campaign afloat, such efforts came to no avail. Consequently, the party, whose ticket officially remained on the ballot, saw minimal results, exiting dead last on election day." Consider: "However, near the end of the race, Salas withdrew his candidacy in an unsuccessful effort to avoid splitting the vote in favor of the MAS. Despite Huayta's attempts to maintain the INCA-FS campaign, these efforts were not successful. As a result, the party, which was still officially on the ballot, received very few votes and finished last on election day."

The following "finished his studies as an adult should be unlinked.

1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. Words to watch mentioned above
2. Verifiable with no original research:
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. Remove "Footnotes" title. "Notes" should be placed above "References" as a seperate section. "Bibliography" is correct as a subsection under "References".
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). Another area was mentioned previously in the first box that requires referencing.

"Huayta served as representative and spokesman in Oruro for the Coordinator for the Defense of Water and Life, a Cochabamba-based entity organized to challenge water privatization and subsequent tariff hikes during the Cochabamba water conflict of 2000. requires a reference to support this.

  • Which part is not cited by Romero Ballivián 2018, pp. 222, 286? Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:47, 8 September 2023 (UTC) reply
2c. it contains no original research.
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. Copyvios looks good.
3. Broad in its coverage:
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. First box addresses some wording ssues
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
7. Overall assessment.

@ BritneyErotica: Hi! Thank you for your patience. I will address these tomorrow. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 02:11, 7 September 2023 (UTC) reply

Everything is looking good so far. The entire "After completing his term of military service, Huayta settled in the city of Oruro, where he started a family and took on various of odd jobs. He played as an amateur musician in his early years before settling into a career as a police officer between 1991 and 1996. He later retired to work in commerce as a carrier,f a job he also felt unfulfilled in." seems to be unreferenced. I understand it is reference 6 that supports this, but I'd recommend putting a citation for these sentences at the end before "Starting in 1999..." as that has it's own citation and could appear confusing/or that the first part is not supported. To clarify, it would be repeating citation 6 twice in that paragraph to ensure clarity. Also slight issue "carrier,f a job...".
I may have made a mistake and clicked on the wrong link with the other referencing comment as I can see it is clearly supported (pp. 222, 286). "Boosted" and "won" are acceptable in this context. BritneyErotica ( talk) 13:16, 11 September 2023 (UTC) reply
I see. I put it after "1999" because the Gonzales Salas source is the only one that supports it. I went ahead and moved the original citation and added a new one. Fixed typo. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:24, 11 September 2023 (UTC) reply
One more thing I've noticed is that the Commission assignments should be in chronological order unless there's a specific reason you've put them in that order (earliest first). I'm not familiar with the specific structure of these commissions but I'm assuming that in each commission the committee is where he actually served and that's why it's indented and below each one? BritneyErotica ( talk) 14:49, 12 September 2023 (UTC) reply
Yeah, so I opted to order commissions not chronologically but by – for lack of a better term – "seniority". From what I've seen, it appears that Bolivian parliamentary commissions have a set order of precedence. You can actually see this in the sources themselves, with the list always starting with "Constitution, Legislation, and Electoral System" and ending with "Amazon Region". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 19:31, 12 September 2023 (UTC) reply
@ BritneyErotica: Any updates? Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 15:13, 20 September 2023 (UTC) reply
Sorry I've been super busy. I've just read over everything again including the references and it's all good.
My only concern with the order is that it may not be clear (see MOS:LISTORG). While your current style makes sense, opting for a structure such as chronology makes more sense when accomodating for a broad audience (and because there are dates involved). If you can come up with a solution that accommodates your style that would also be great.
Once this small thing is solved I'll be happy to pass it. BritneyErotica ( talk) 16:11, 20 September 2023 (UTC) reply
The only solution I could think of would be to link them, as is done on articles on U.S. congressmen. Problem is, there are no articles on Bolivian parliamentary commissions, and creating one for each hardly seems worthwhile. I could add a list of commissions to the Chamber of Senators (Bolivia) and Chamber of Deputies (Bolivia) articles – citing the ranking order there – and redirect to them. Would that be sufficient? Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 21:25, 20 September 2023 (UTC) reply
I should point out that in the John McCain example, the committee assignments are ordered in alphabetic order ("Committee on"... A, then H, then I ("In"... D then T). I do think "seniority" may be hard to quantify unless there was an explicit government source that outlined that (even then that would add another layer of complication when reading).
While I think your current order does make sense, I also think that to be consistent with GA's (or even the Featured Article you provided), that a more popular form of organisation should be chosen (i.e., alphabetic or chronological). BritneyErotica ( talk) 07:24, 21 September 2023 (UTC) reply
Fair enough. I've gone ahead and ordered it chronologically. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 15:35, 21 September 2023 (UTC) reply
All looks good now (references, copyright and expression). I'll go ahead and pass it. BritneyErotica ( talk) 11:18, 22 September 2023 (UTC) reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Retrieved from " https://en.wikipedia.org/?title=Talk:Freddy_Huayta/GA1&oldid=1176539906"
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

Passed. BritneyErotica ( talk) 11:18, 22 September 2023 (UTC) reply

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article ( | visual edit | history) · Article talk ( | history) · Watch

Reviewer: BritneyErotica ( talk · contribs) 15:57, 31 August 2023 (UTC) reply


Rate Attribute Review Comment
1. Well-written:
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. Consider changing "As leader of his own neighborhood council" to be "As the leader of".

Remove "with" in "with which he unsuccessfully contested a seat on the Oruro Municipal Council in 2021"

  • "with" is correct here. He contested the seat "with" the party. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:42, 8 September 2023 (UTC) reply

Consider the following rewording from "Much later, in 2001, Huayta graduated from the Center for Accelerated Secondary Education, a specialized institute aimed at promoting adults whose academic development was interrupted during their youth" to "In 2001, Huayta completed his studies at the Center for Accelerated Secondary Education. This specialized institution focuses on advancing adults who had their education disrupted in their younger years."

A lot of this doesn't make sense and is unreferenced "After fulfilling his term of military service, Huayta settled in the city of Oruro, where he built a family and took a number of odd jobs. Having played as an amateur musician in his early years, he served as a police officer between 1991 and 1996 but retired to work in commerce as a carrier, a job he also felt unfulfilled in.". Consider "After completing his military service, Huayta moved to the city of Oruro, where he started a family and took on various temporary jobs. Although he had been an amateur musician in his earlier years, he worked as a police officer from 1991 to 1996. Later, he shifted to a career in commerce as a carrier, a job that also did not provide him with a sense of fulfillment."

  • Re-worded. Can you specify which parts are unicted? Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:42, 8 September 2023 (UTC) reply

"Huayta had been a supporter of the movement for water rights since its inception, and had been working to supply Oruro's impoverished outer neighborhoods with better water access since 2003, an effort that grew in subsequent years to also include other development projects, such as the provision of improved sewerage, added public lighting, and enhanced internet and natural gas access" run-on sentence. Consider breaking it up.

"capital's oft-neglected urban sprawl." while "oft-neglected" is correct, it may have a more universal word/phrase to satisfy a broad audience.

Many words to avoid in "Huayta's top slot on the party's list of candidates practically guaranteed his victory, even before the MAS swept nearly every seat in Oruro's parliamentary delegation" such as "practically" and "swept" (See MOS:WTW).

"he stated." Redundant as the quote is lead into prior.

Consider rewording ""Huayta pursued many of the same aims in office as he had as a community leader, sponsoring the development of Oruro's less affluent urban areas, with the added role of oversight granted to him as a legislator." to "In his capacity as a legislator, Huayta continued to champion the same objectives he had focused on as a community leader. Specifically, he advocated for the development of Oruro's economically disadvantaged neighborhoods, now with the enhanced authority and oversight that came with his official role."

"Near the tail end of 2014" "Tail end" is unnecessary. Just "end" works.

More words to watch in "Not unexpectedly, INCA-FS did not win the Oruro mayoralty, but its modest third-place finish did net it a few seats on the municipal council. That small victory, however, was quickly tempered by the errant nature of the party's two elected councillors, who proved uncooperative and unresponsive to Huayta's leadership.". Consider "INCA-FS did not win the mayoral race in Oruro, finishing in third place. However, this result did secure them some seats on the municipal council. The initial success was offset by the behavior of the party's two elected councillors, who were not cooperative or responsive to Huayta's leadership."

  • "Offset" is another word I should use more often. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:42, 8 September 2023 (UTC) reply

Likewise "Those hopes, however, were dashed in the final days of the race after Salas unexpectedly resigned his candidacy in an ultimately futile attempt to prevent a division of the vote in favor of the MAS. Although Huayta rejected Salas's withdrawal and attempted to keep INCA-FS's campaign afloat, such efforts came to no avail. Consequently, the party, whose ticket officially remained on the ballot, saw minimal results, exiting dead last on election day." Consider: "However, near the end of the race, Salas withdrew his candidacy in an unsuccessful effort to avoid splitting the vote in favor of the MAS. Despite Huayta's attempts to maintain the INCA-FS campaign, these efforts were not successful. As a result, the party, which was still officially on the ballot, received very few votes and finished last on election day."

The following "finished his studies as an adult should be unlinked.

1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. Words to watch mentioned above
2. Verifiable with no original research:
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. Remove "Footnotes" title. "Notes" should be placed above "References" as a seperate section. "Bibliography" is correct as a subsection under "References".
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). Another area was mentioned previously in the first box that requires referencing.

"Huayta served as representative and spokesman in Oruro for the Coordinator for the Defense of Water and Life, a Cochabamba-based entity organized to challenge water privatization and subsequent tariff hikes during the Cochabamba water conflict of 2000. requires a reference to support this.

  • Which part is not cited by Romero Ballivián 2018, pp. 222, 286? Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 23:47, 8 September 2023 (UTC) reply
2c. it contains no original research.
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. Copyvios looks good.
3. Broad in its coverage:
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. First box addresses some wording ssues
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
7. Overall assessment.

@ BritneyErotica: Hi! Thank you for your patience. I will address these tomorrow. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 02:11, 7 September 2023 (UTC) reply

Everything is looking good so far. The entire "After completing his term of military service, Huayta settled in the city of Oruro, where he started a family and took on various of odd jobs. He played as an amateur musician in his early years before settling into a career as a police officer between 1991 and 1996. He later retired to work in commerce as a carrier,f a job he also felt unfulfilled in." seems to be unreferenced. I understand it is reference 6 that supports this, but I'd recommend putting a citation for these sentences at the end before "Starting in 1999..." as that has it's own citation and could appear confusing/or that the first part is not supported. To clarify, it would be repeating citation 6 twice in that paragraph to ensure clarity. Also slight issue "carrier,f a job...".
I may have made a mistake and clicked on the wrong link with the other referencing comment as I can see it is clearly supported (pp. 222, 286). "Boosted" and "won" are acceptable in this context. BritneyErotica ( talk) 13:16, 11 September 2023 (UTC) reply
I see. I put it after "1999" because the Gonzales Salas source is the only one that supports it. I went ahead and moved the original citation and added a new one. Fixed typo. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:24, 11 September 2023 (UTC) reply
One more thing I've noticed is that the Commission assignments should be in chronological order unless there's a specific reason you've put them in that order (earliest first). I'm not familiar with the specific structure of these commissions but I'm assuming that in each commission the committee is where he actually served and that's why it's indented and below each one? BritneyErotica ( talk) 14:49, 12 September 2023 (UTC) reply
Yeah, so I opted to order commissions not chronologically but by – for lack of a better term – "seniority". From what I've seen, it appears that Bolivian parliamentary commissions have a set order of precedence. You can actually see this in the sources themselves, with the list always starting with "Constitution, Legislation, and Electoral System" and ending with "Amazon Region". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 19:31, 12 September 2023 (UTC) reply
@ BritneyErotica: Any updates? Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 15:13, 20 September 2023 (UTC) reply
Sorry I've been super busy. I've just read over everything again including the references and it's all good.
My only concern with the order is that it may not be clear (see MOS:LISTORG). While your current style makes sense, opting for a structure such as chronology makes more sense when accomodating for a broad audience (and because there are dates involved). If you can come up with a solution that accommodates your style that would also be great.
Once this small thing is solved I'll be happy to pass it. BritneyErotica ( talk) 16:11, 20 September 2023 (UTC) reply
The only solution I could think of would be to link them, as is done on articles on U.S. congressmen. Problem is, there are no articles on Bolivian parliamentary commissions, and creating one for each hardly seems worthwhile. I could add a list of commissions to the Chamber of Senators (Bolivia) and Chamber of Deputies (Bolivia) articles – citing the ranking order there – and redirect to them. Would that be sufficient? Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 21:25, 20 September 2023 (UTC) reply
I should point out that in the John McCain example, the committee assignments are ordered in alphabetic order ("Committee on"... A, then H, then I ("In"... D then T). I do think "seniority" may be hard to quantify unless there was an explicit government source that outlined that (even then that would add another layer of complication when reading).
While I think your current order does make sense, I also think that to be consistent with GA's (or even the Featured Article you provided), that a more popular form of organisation should be chosen (i.e., alphabetic or chronological). BritneyErotica ( talk) 07:24, 21 September 2023 (UTC) reply
Fair enough. I've gone ahead and ordered it chronologically. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 15:35, 21 September 2023 (UTC) reply
All looks good now (references, copyright and expression). I'll go ahead and pass it. BritneyErotica ( talk) 11:18, 22 September 2023 (UTC) reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Retrieved from " https://en.wikipedia.org/?title=Talk:Freddy_Huayta/GA1&oldid=1176539906"

Videos

Youtube | Vimeo | Bing

Websites

Google | Yahoo | Bing

Encyclopedia

Google | Yahoo | Bing

Facebook




Top Of Page

Home • Search • Translate

© CSE