The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 03:53, 1 June 2023 (UTC)
I'll review this article over the next day or two. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 03:53, 1 June 2023 (UTC)
Black is the most decorated female Canadian gymnast ever.– The tone of this feels a bit unencyclopedic. Maybe this can be changed to "Black is the most decorated Canadian to ever compete in women's gymnastics" or something like that.
and started appearing to be a contender– clunky wording
for the first time in a non-boycotted Olympics– This might be a bit confusing without context.
In January, Black competed at the Elite Canada competition, winning the balance beam title, which was the only event she competed in– Could this be shortened to say that she competed "in the balance beam title at the Elite Canada competition"?
The team failed to qualify for the team final, finishing in ninth place just 0.168 points behind the Dutch team.– Would they have made the final if they had gotten 8th place? This is implied here but not stated.
Black's first competition after the Olympic Games– Though it can be inferred from context, it might be better to specify the 2016 Olympic Games since she competed in more than one.
Black made history in the all-around final– "made history" feels a bit promotional
Black only competed on the uneven bars at Elite Canada and finished seventh.– This sentence reads awkwardly and lacks context. It should specify which Elite Canada, because she obviously competed in others. And maybe drop the "only", because it's unclear what's being excluded.
In 2018, Black was named one of the 15 greatest athletes in Nova Scotian history– Named by whom?
Reliability:
Spotchecks:
Other things I noticed but aren't required for GA:
The article seems to be missing coverage about
There appears to be significant focus on relatively minor details.
Black enjoys cooking and has shared her recipes online.– Is this relevant? If it is, then more info can probably be found about it in other sources. If there aren't other sources about this, then it might not be relevant.
No neutrality issues.
No recent content disputes.
One image, captioned, valid Creative Commons tag. I'd bet more images could be taken from the same video source, but it's region blocked and I cannot access it.
Hey @ Thebiguglyalien:, I believe I've gotten to all your concerns now. Let me know what you think of the changes. - Riley1012 ( talk) 20:04, 10 June 2023 (UTC)
For the past two years, another national level gymnast has called Alta home. Denelle Pedrick of Wilcox, Sask., has been training under Kikuchi and with Black while she pursues a master’s degree in kinesiology at Dalhousie.– This is an uncertain antecedent (grammatically, it could be talking about Pedrick), so it might be better to find another source saying this. Normally this would be a minor issue, but it's best to be extra careful with a WP:BLP.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 03:53, 1 June 2023 (UTC)
I'll review this article over the next day or two. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 03:53, 1 June 2023 (UTC)
Black is the most decorated female Canadian gymnast ever.– The tone of this feels a bit unencyclopedic. Maybe this can be changed to "Black is the most decorated Canadian to ever compete in women's gymnastics" or something like that.
and started appearing to be a contender– clunky wording
for the first time in a non-boycotted Olympics– This might be a bit confusing without context.
In January, Black competed at the Elite Canada competition, winning the balance beam title, which was the only event she competed in– Could this be shortened to say that she competed "in the balance beam title at the Elite Canada competition"?
The team failed to qualify for the team final, finishing in ninth place just 0.168 points behind the Dutch team.– Would they have made the final if they had gotten 8th place? This is implied here but not stated.
Black's first competition after the Olympic Games– Though it can be inferred from context, it might be better to specify the 2016 Olympic Games since she competed in more than one.
Black made history in the all-around final– "made history" feels a bit promotional
Black only competed on the uneven bars at Elite Canada and finished seventh.– This sentence reads awkwardly and lacks context. It should specify which Elite Canada, because she obviously competed in others. And maybe drop the "only", because it's unclear what's being excluded.
In 2018, Black was named one of the 15 greatest athletes in Nova Scotian history– Named by whom?
Reliability:
Spotchecks:
Other things I noticed but aren't required for GA:
The article seems to be missing coverage about
There appears to be significant focus on relatively minor details.
Black enjoys cooking and has shared her recipes online.– Is this relevant? If it is, then more info can probably be found about it in other sources. If there aren't other sources about this, then it might not be relevant.
No neutrality issues.
No recent content disputes.
One image, captioned, valid Creative Commons tag. I'd bet more images could be taken from the same video source, but it's region blocked and I cannot access it.
Hey @ Thebiguglyalien:, I believe I've gotten to all your concerns now. Let me know what you think of the changes. - Riley1012 ( talk) 20:04, 10 June 2023 (UTC)
For the past two years, another national level gymnast has called Alta home. Denelle Pedrick of Wilcox, Sask., has been training under Kikuchi and with Black while she pursues a master’s degree in kinesiology at Dalhousie.– This is an uncertain antecedent (grammatically, it could be talking about Pedrick), so it might be better to find another source saying this. Normally this would be a minor issue, but it's best to be extra careful with a WP:BLP.