The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Golden ( talk · contribs) 18:37, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
Hello, I'll be reviewing this article. — Golden talk 18:37, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
Lead
- Wikilink "trade unionist" to Trade Union.
- Check. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
from Santa Cruz
- It is not clear from the sentence whether he is originally from Santa Cruz or if he resided there while serving as a party-list member.
- I think the surrounding context makes it clear enough. It's style the same way many US representatives are (See: Barbara Lee, Brittany Pettersen, Anna Paulina Luna, etc.) Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
- Santa Cruz is linked for the second time in the second paragraph.
- Linked to the city instead. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
- Throughout the article, you have used the names of departments instead of specific locations. I suggest using specific place names. For example, is it not known where in the Cochabamba Department he was born?
- Linked to " Totora" instead. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
settled in the capital city
- This could easily be misunderstood as the capital of Bolivia, which is not the case. I suggest rephrasing it to something like this: "..settled in Santa Cruz de la Sierra, the capital of Santa Cruz, where he.."
- Rephrased. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
settled in the capital city's Plan 3,000 district
- The inclusion of the district is unnecessary here since you don't mention anything else about it in the lead.
- Its of some relevance as the central location of his career: "where he got his start"; "joined his local ..." Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
- I would wikilink syndicate.
- Done. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
align his sector
- Is this referring to the taxi sector? It would be helpful to clarify that here.
- Specified: "his sector's unions" Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
bore fruit in the form of
-> resulted in
- Fair. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
- It would be useful to include information about how and when he became a member of the Movement for Socialism.
- Added "since 2001". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Early life and career
- "himself" is unnecessary here.
- Cut. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Simultaneously to that
- "to that" is unnecessary.
- Right. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Santa Cruz's Plan 3,000
-> "Santa Cruz's Plan 3,000 district"
- Check. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Chamber of Deputies
in the department.
-> "in Santa Cruz department."
- Check. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
only solidified
- "only" is unnecessary.
- Cut. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
References
- Spot-checked references #1, 2, 4, 7, 11, 16.
- I used Google Translate to confirm the sources.
- No issues were found during spot-checking. All references that were checked support the statements for which they are cited.
External links
- This page has already been linked in the references. Is it necessary to include it as a separate external link?
- Not specifically for this article, but I'm trying to keep a level of uniformity between all parliamentarians of this assembly, the final goal being to make it a WP:GTOP. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
General comments
- Earwig's detector does not show any copyright violations.
- The only image in the article is relevant and free.
- This is an engaging article about an interesting person. I look forward to seeing your revisions in response to my suggestions. —
Golden
talk 10:13, 19 August 2023 (UTC)
- Thank you for the replies, Krisgabwoosh. I'm happy to pass this article. — Golden talk 08:11, 25 August 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Golden ( talk · contribs) 18:37, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
Hello, I'll be reviewing this article. — Golden talk 18:37, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
Lead
- Wikilink "trade unionist" to Trade Union.
- Check. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
from Santa Cruz
- It is not clear from the sentence whether he is originally from Santa Cruz or if he resided there while serving as a party-list member.
- I think the surrounding context makes it clear enough. It's style the same way many US representatives are (See: Barbara Lee, Brittany Pettersen, Anna Paulina Luna, etc.) Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
- Santa Cruz is linked for the second time in the second paragraph.
- Linked to the city instead. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
- Throughout the article, you have used the names of departments instead of specific locations. I suggest using specific place names. For example, is it not known where in the Cochabamba Department he was born?
- Linked to " Totora" instead. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
settled in the capital city
- This could easily be misunderstood as the capital of Bolivia, which is not the case. I suggest rephrasing it to something like this: "..settled in Santa Cruz de la Sierra, the capital of Santa Cruz, where he.."
- Rephrased. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
settled in the capital city's Plan 3,000 district
- The inclusion of the district is unnecessary here since you don't mention anything else about it in the lead.
- Its of some relevance as the central location of his career: "where he got his start"; "joined his local ..." Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
- I would wikilink syndicate.
- Done. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
align his sector
- Is this referring to the taxi sector? It would be helpful to clarify that here.
- Specified: "his sector's unions" Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
bore fruit in the form of
-> resulted in
- Fair. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
- It would be useful to include information about how and when he became a member of the Movement for Socialism.
- Added "since 2001". Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Early life and career
- "himself" is unnecessary here.
- Cut. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Simultaneously to that
- "to that" is unnecessary.
- Right. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Santa Cruz's Plan 3,000
-> "Santa Cruz's Plan 3,000 district"
- Check. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
Chamber of Deputies
in the department.
-> "in Santa Cruz department."
- Check. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
only solidified
- "only" is unnecessary.
- Cut. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
References
- Spot-checked references #1, 2, 4, 7, 11, 16.
- I used Google Translate to confirm the sources.
- No issues were found during spot-checking. All references that were checked support the statements for which they are cited.
External links
- This page has already been linked in the references. Is it necessary to include it as a separate external link?
- Not specifically for this article, but I'm trying to keep a level of uniformity between all parliamentarians of this assembly, the final goal being to make it a WP:GTOP. Krisgabwoosh ( talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
General comments
- Earwig's detector does not show any copyright violations.
- The only image in the article is relevant and free.
- This is an engaging article about an interesting person. I look forward to seeing your revisions in response to my suggestions. —
Golden
talk 10:13, 19 August 2023 (UTC)
- Thank you for the replies, Krisgabwoosh. I'm happy to pass this article. — Golden talk 08:11, 25 August 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.