"The band self-released" → "Alien Ant Farm
self-released" with the pipe
"through their own label" → "through their own
record label" with the wikilink
"The band promoted it" → "The band promoted the album"
Is the band's label referring to the one mentioned earlier in this section or a different one? If the latter, then please specify (it's not OR if they were signed to a certain label at the time)
Does "in an attempt to secure a deal with another record label." work better? They weren't aiming to sign to a particular label, just any label that would be interested in them.
Yeepsi (
talk) 14:18, 22 March 2021 (UTC)reply
"they enjoyed his work" → "they themselves enjoyed his work" because otherwise it may sound like you mean the label
"before letting him work on" → "before working with him on" per the source
"the album at Precision Mastering" → "Anthology at Precision Mastering"
Composition
Retitle to Composition and lyrics
[10] should be solely before [11] after the first clause
"soon gone. ..." → "soon gone. [...]" but shouldn't this quote be in the previous section, as it's not really about the comp? If this part is moved, then merge the para with the second one of this section due to short length.
"a US headliner, however," → "a US headliner; however,"
"on the US west coast," → "of the US West Coast,"
I am confused regarding the CD listing; is "Pink Tea" the acoustic version of "Movies" or a separate track from it? Keep as current if the former is true but if the latter is the case, then change to "of "Movies", and the" for correct connectivity
"in the UK." → "in the United Kingdom."
"was released as the album's" → "was released as Anthology's"
"featured "Orange Appeal"," → "features "Orange Appeal"," unless the release was only temporarily available, then don't change
"the UK version swapped" → "the UK version swaps" and see above for potentially no change
"They decided to reissue" → "The band decided to reissue"
"The CD version included" → "The CD version includes" and see earlier for potentially no change
"the music video for "Movies"." → "the music video for the former."
"the band returned to" → "Alien Ant Farm returned to" but can't you source the other regions here that you've mentioned in the lead?
The other regions mentioned in the lead are sourced in earlier paragraphs of this section.
Yeepsi (
talk) 14:18, 22 March 2021 (UTC)reply
Yeepsi I was referring to the ones for the SnoCore Tour like I should've specified, but you have removed any mention of the tour from the lead now – is this your intention? --
K. Peake 15:05, 22 March 2021 (UTC)reply
I did to avoid confusing all of those countries as part of the SnoCore Tour, when it was just the US.
Yeepsi (
talk) 15:08, 22 March 2021 (UTC)reply
"The CD version included a" → "The CD version includes a" and see earlier for potentially no change
"for "Attitude" and "Universe"." → "for the former two tracks."
"Six of the band's crew members" → "Six of Alien Ant Farm's crew members"
"Mitchell Had sustained" → "Mitchell had sustained"
"The band self-released" → "Alien Ant Farm
self-released" with the pipe
"through their own label" → "through their own
record label" with the wikilink
"The band promoted it" → "The band promoted the album"
Is the band's label referring to the one mentioned earlier in this section or a different one? If the latter, then please specify (it's not OR if they were signed to a certain label at the time)
Does "in an attempt to secure a deal with another record label." work better? They weren't aiming to sign to a particular label, just any label that would be interested in them.
Yeepsi (
talk) 14:18, 22 March 2021 (UTC)reply
"they enjoyed his work" → "they themselves enjoyed his work" because otherwise it may sound like you mean the label
"before letting him work on" → "before working with him on" per the source
"the album at Precision Mastering" → "Anthology at Precision Mastering"
Composition
Retitle to Composition and lyrics
[10] should be solely before [11] after the first clause
"soon gone. ..." → "soon gone. [...]" but shouldn't this quote be in the previous section, as it's not really about the comp? If this part is moved, then merge the para with the second one of this section due to short length.
"a US headliner, however," → "a US headliner; however,"
"on the US west coast," → "of the US West Coast,"
I am confused regarding the CD listing; is "Pink Tea" the acoustic version of "Movies" or a separate track from it? Keep as current if the former is true but if the latter is the case, then change to "of "Movies", and the" for correct connectivity
"in the UK." → "in the United Kingdom."
"was released as the album's" → "was released as Anthology's"
"featured "Orange Appeal"," → "features "Orange Appeal"," unless the release was only temporarily available, then don't change
"the UK version swapped" → "the UK version swaps" and see above for potentially no change
"They decided to reissue" → "The band decided to reissue"
"The CD version included" → "The CD version includes" and see earlier for potentially no change
"the music video for "Movies"." → "the music video for the former."
"the band returned to" → "Alien Ant Farm returned to" but can't you source the other regions here that you've mentioned in the lead?
The other regions mentioned in the lead are sourced in earlier paragraphs of this section.
Yeepsi (
talk) 14:18, 22 March 2021 (UTC)reply
Yeepsi I was referring to the ones for the SnoCore Tour like I should've specified, but you have removed any mention of the tour from the lead now – is this your intention? --
K. Peake 15:05, 22 March 2021 (UTC)reply
I did to avoid confusing all of those countries as part of the SnoCore Tour, when it was just the US.
Yeepsi (
talk) 15:08, 22 March 2021 (UTC)reply
"The CD version included a" → "The CD version includes a" and see earlier for potentially no change
"for "Attitude" and "Universe"." → "for the former two tracks."
"Six of the band's crew members" → "Six of Alien Ant Farm's crew members"
"Mitchell Had sustained" → "Mitchell had sustained"