The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 23:29, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
I'll post a review of this article shortly. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 23:29, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
She studied physical education and dance– This should specify that it was in college. It's especially confusing because the next sentence is about when she was a teenager, so the order should probably be switched as well.
Each summer she and her partner Victor Van Kooten– Does "partner" mean business partner or life partner?
to explore the prana energy that in her view animates and guides the body– It's good that this attributes the opinion about prana, but the current wording still implies credibility to prana in wikivoice, only suggesting that her interpretation of it is debatable rather than the entire concept.
The "superstar" yoga teacher Donna Farhi– Subjective descriptors like this do not belong in wikivoice, and MOS:SCAREQUOTES should be avoided. I mention this below in the sourcing as well, but it should probably be removed.
She then became a leading yoga teacher in her own right.– It's unclear whether this is referring to Farmer or Wildcroft. It might be better to include this as part of the previous sentence rather than have it in its own sentence.
Wildcroft likens her to Vanda Scaravelli, a yoga teacher who studied directly under B. K. S. Iyengar– This implies that Farmer didn't study under B. K. S. Iyengar. An "also" would fix this.
Wildcroft reports that– Avoid "reports" as a synonym for said, as it provides undue credibility for an opinion.
Spot checks:
became the first retailer of "sticky mats"is just about identical to the source.
This article is very short, though for the most part, I think it covers the major aspects. I have found a few things that might warrant further consideration:
No neutrality issues. No idea or school of thought is given undue weight.
No recent disputes in the edit history or on the talk page.
Images are both tagged with Creative Commons status. Captions provide context.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
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history) ·
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 23:29, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
I'll post a review of this article shortly. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 23:29, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
She studied physical education and dance– This should specify that it was in college. It's especially confusing because the next sentence is about when she was a teenager, so the order should probably be switched as well.
Each summer she and her partner Victor Van Kooten– Does "partner" mean business partner or life partner?
to explore the prana energy that in her view animates and guides the body– It's good that this attributes the opinion about prana, but the current wording still implies credibility to prana in wikivoice, only suggesting that her interpretation of it is debatable rather than the entire concept.
The "superstar" yoga teacher Donna Farhi– Subjective descriptors like this do not belong in wikivoice, and MOS:SCAREQUOTES should be avoided. I mention this below in the sourcing as well, but it should probably be removed.
She then became a leading yoga teacher in her own right.– It's unclear whether this is referring to Farmer or Wildcroft. It might be better to include this as part of the previous sentence rather than have it in its own sentence.
Wildcroft likens her to Vanda Scaravelli, a yoga teacher who studied directly under B. K. S. Iyengar– This implies that Farmer didn't study under B. K. S. Iyengar. An "also" would fix this.
Wildcroft reports that– Avoid "reports" as a synonym for said, as it provides undue credibility for an opinion.
Spot checks:
became the first retailer of "sticky mats"is just about identical to the source.
This article is very short, though for the most part, I think it covers the major aspects. I have found a few things that might warrant further consideration:
No neutrality issues. No idea or school of thought is given undue weight.
No recent disputes in the edit history or on the talk page.
Images are both tagged with Creative Commons status. Captions provide context.