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It may take me a few days to get started.
Gog the Mild (
talk) 21:47, 8 September 2019 (UTC)reply
A cover illustration?
Done
"she'd" → 'she had'.
Done
"Little Star was thus inspired by Lin's daughter" This is not clear to me. Even if I strain. I think that is due to the preceding two sentences. This one needs moving to immediately after "... would be no more until next year". But then it seems to repeat "The story was then inspired after her daughter... " I think that you need to review this paragraph.
Reworded. I was trying to express too much in too few words.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
"This reinforces the book's space theme with Little Star's eating of the mooncakes represents the phases of the moon" Mixed tenses. Either "with" → 'while' or "represents" → 'representing'.
Done
"She also wanted to capture "was the same mother-daughter bond"" Delete "was".
{{done}
"The book was also compared to Maurice Sendak's In the Night Kitchen" Why use "also"?
I had mentioned the Blueberry for Sal comparison and so this is a second one. I have added a second source to make clear that this was noted by several reviewers.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
"Writing and illustrations" is a long section. Could you insert a paragraph break?
Done - it's still a long paragraph and a short one because I didn't want to break-up the discussion of black amongst paragraphs.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
" how Lin's "intriguing characters who come alive through facial expressions"" Delete "how".
Done
"Caldecott Honor"; "Caldecott Medal and Honor"; "Caldecott honor".
"Lin had tried to tune out the chatter around A Big Mooncake for Little Star being a possible Caldecott book." This does not seem encyclopedic language; it seems trivial; and I can't be sure what it means. (The last possibly because I am not American.)
People had suggested she might win a Caldecott which she tried to ignore. I think it adds color.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
Ho hum. Go on then.
"9:30 eastern" "eastern" will not mean much to non-Americans. Either explain, possibly via a footnote, or delete.
"a meaningful recognition for Lin" Er, would there be other illustrators for whom it would be non-meaningful?
Fair point. Tried a different paraphrase.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
"who had gone to Rhode Island School of Design for the subject" Guessing that she studied illustration there, would it not be clearer to simply state this?
Hey I did that even before seeing this comment.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
"Chris Van Allsburg" I realise that you have wikilinked this, but it may be helpful to briefly introduce him inline.
Gave him the intro "multiple Caldecott winner".
Barkeep49 (
talk)
@
Barkeep49: There is no rush, take your time. Wikipedia isn't going anywhere. I haven't even put it on hold yet. I am aware that you currently have other things on your plate.
Gog the Mild (
talk) 22:45, 10 September 2019 (UTC)reply
An afterthought: "The illustrations feature heavy use of blacks" I don't think that one can have shades of black; maybe delete the "s"?
Gog the Mild (
talk) 17:00, 23 September 2019 (UTC)reply
Gog the Mild, did this and also responded to other pieces above. Best,
Barkeep49 (
talk) 17:52, 23 September 2019 (UTC)reply
Looking good. A couple of minor thoughts on a last read through:
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Children's literature, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Children's literature on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Children's literatureWikipedia:WikiProject Children's literatureTemplate:WikiProject Children's literaturechildren and young adult literature articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Women writers, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
women writers on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Women writersWikipedia:WikiProject Women writersTemplate:WikiProject Women writersWomen writers articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Women artists, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
women artists on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Women artistsWikipedia:WikiProject Women artistsTemplate:WikiProject Women artistsWomen artists articles
This article falls within the scope of WikiProject Folklore, a
WikiProject dedicated to improving Wikipedia's coverage of the topics of
folklore and
folklore studies. If you would like to participate, you may edit the article attached to this page, or visit the
project's page, where you can join the project and/or contribute to
discussion.FolkloreWikipedia:WikiProject FolkloreTemplate:WikiProject FolkloreFolklore articles
It may take me a few days to get started.
Gog the Mild (
talk) 21:47, 8 September 2019 (UTC)reply
A cover illustration?
Done
"she'd" → 'she had'.
Done
"Little Star was thus inspired by Lin's daughter" This is not clear to me. Even if I strain. I think that is due to the preceding two sentences. This one needs moving to immediately after "... would be no more until next year". But then it seems to repeat "The story was then inspired after her daughter... " I think that you need to review this paragraph.
Reworded. I was trying to express too much in too few words.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
"This reinforces the book's space theme with Little Star's eating of the mooncakes represents the phases of the moon" Mixed tenses. Either "with" → 'while' or "represents" → 'representing'.
Done
"She also wanted to capture "was the same mother-daughter bond"" Delete "was".
{{done}
"The book was also compared to Maurice Sendak's In the Night Kitchen" Why use "also"?
I had mentioned the Blueberry for Sal comparison and so this is a second one. I have added a second source to make clear that this was noted by several reviewers.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
"Writing and illustrations" is a long section. Could you insert a paragraph break?
Done - it's still a long paragraph and a short one because I didn't want to break-up the discussion of black amongst paragraphs.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
" how Lin's "intriguing characters who come alive through facial expressions"" Delete "how".
Done
"Caldecott Honor"; "Caldecott Medal and Honor"; "Caldecott honor".
"Lin had tried to tune out the chatter around A Big Mooncake for Little Star being a possible Caldecott book." This does not seem encyclopedic language; it seems trivial; and I can't be sure what it means. (The last possibly because I am not American.)
People had suggested she might win a Caldecott which she tried to ignore. I think it adds color.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
Ho hum. Go on then.
"9:30 eastern" "eastern" will not mean much to non-Americans. Either explain, possibly via a footnote, or delete.
"a meaningful recognition for Lin" Er, would there be other illustrators for whom it would be non-meaningful?
Fair point. Tried a different paraphrase.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
"who had gone to Rhode Island School of Design for the subject" Guessing that she studied illustration there, would it not be clearer to simply state this?
Hey I did that even before seeing this comment.
Barkeep49 (
talk)
"Chris Van Allsburg" I realise that you have wikilinked this, but it may be helpful to briefly introduce him inline.
Gave him the intro "multiple Caldecott winner".
Barkeep49 (
talk)
@
Barkeep49: There is no rush, take your time. Wikipedia isn't going anywhere. I haven't even put it on hold yet. I am aware that you currently have other things on your plate.
Gog the Mild (
talk) 22:45, 10 September 2019 (UTC)reply
An afterthought: "The illustrations feature heavy use of blacks" I don't think that one can have shades of black; maybe delete the "s"?
Gog the Mild (
talk) 17:00, 23 September 2019 (UTC)reply
Gog the Mild, did this and also responded to other pieces above. Best,
Barkeep49 (
talk) 17:52, 23 September 2019 (UTC)reply
Looking good. A couple of minor thoughts on a last read through: