The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 17:27, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
I'll post a review for this shortly.
Thebiguglyalien (
talk) 17:27, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
Mooonswimmer, I've posted a review of the article below. There are significant issues related to criteria two and three. You can look over the review, but this article looks like it needs major rewriting outside of GA before it has a reasonable chance of passing. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 18:51, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
The article is generally well written. Just a few notes:
the gunman was killed 2 minutes– Numerals 0–9 should be spelled out.
participating in this year's pilgrimage– This should clarify that it's the year of the attack. In a few months, "this year" will no longer refer to 2023.
as cousins - a 30-year-old man– Use an emdash (—) when separating ideas mid-sentence.
with a few expressing frustration and hopelessness about staying in the country– Who is "a few"?
threatens to deal a death blow to the pilgrimage tradition– "Deal a death blow" is not formal language, and it appears to be a slightly modified version of wording plagiarized from the source
The newspaper also reported the existence of a secret plan for massive emigration– This needs to be clarified.
All sources appear to be reliable. There are a lot of primary sources, but that's not a GA issue. Earwig does not turn up any direct copyright violations.
The president has been criticized for downplaying the significance of the attack and its antisemitic motives.– This is a contentious statement about a living person. Such statements are not allowed on any Wikipedia article without a citation. As it had none, I deleted it myself.
Spot checks:
to celebrate the holiday of Lag BaOmer
was subsequently locked down
He also promised to continue fighting "against anti-Semitic hatred"versus France's President Emmanuel Macron promised to continue fighting "against anti-Semitic hatred". The quote is fine, but it's a problem that the wording around it is the same.
parked the bike in a schoolyard about 200 meters away from the synagogue
contained a few hundred worshipers at the time as the festivities were concluding
As he moved away from the schoolyard, and after monitoring the movements of a traffic police vehicle parked nearby, he opened fire indiscriminately at security units at around 8:13 PM
a 30-year-old man of Israeli-Tunisian descent, who worked as a goldsmith in the local market, and a 42-year-old man of French-Tunisian heritage, who had come to join in the festivitiesversus Aviel Hadad, 30, who was also an Israeli citizen working as a goldsmith in the local market, and Ben Hadad, 42, who lived in France and came in order to celebrate the festivities
he did not explicitly mention the targeting of the Jewish community or antisemitism. He also refrained from labeling the incident as terrorism, a term he has used previously to describe the actions of political opponents since assuming significant powers in 2021versus He made no reference to the shooter's targeting of the Jewish community or to antisemitism and did not call the shooting terrorism, a term he has sometimes used to describe the work of his political opponents since he seized most powers in 2021.
Spot checks generally should not produce issues this significant. It would be easily fixable if it was just a few minor issues, but the fact that they're coming up this often suggests that these are problems that exist with most of the sources throughout the article. Articles with significant original research, close paraphrasing, or text-source integrity issues can't pass at GA without significant reworking.
Good articles are expected to reasonably cover every major aspect of a topic. In this case, that would be the context before the event, the event itself and the days surrounding it, and the long term aftermath of the event. There's plenty of before and during here, but practically no coverage of what happened after the event. It cuts off just a few days after the event occurred. What effects did this cause? What were the legal, political, and societal repercussions? Normally an article like this would be expected to cover the aftermath over the following weeks, months, or years. This article is so recent that years isn't possible, so I'd expect significant coverage over the following weeks or months.
Conversely, good articles cannot go into excessive detail. The "international reactions" section here goes beyond encyclopedic coverage of the topic. There seem to be some indiscriminately collected quotes from figures who commented on it. Any information that isn't significant to the overall event should be removed, including anything that amounts purely to condolences, condemnations, or tributes.
No ideas are given undue weight, and the article does not use a positive or negative tone.
No recent disputes.
Both images are relevant, are licensed under Creative Commons, and have suitable captions.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewing |
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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien ( talk · contribs) 17:27, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
I'll post a review for this shortly.
Thebiguglyalien (
talk) 17:27, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
Mooonswimmer, I've posted a review of the article below. There are significant issues related to criteria two and three. You can look over the review, but this article looks like it needs major rewriting outside of GA before it has a reasonable chance of passing. Thebiguglyalien ( talk) 18:51, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
The article is generally well written. Just a few notes:
the gunman was killed 2 minutes– Numerals 0–9 should be spelled out.
participating in this year's pilgrimage– This should clarify that it's the year of the attack. In a few months, "this year" will no longer refer to 2023.
as cousins - a 30-year-old man– Use an emdash (—) when separating ideas mid-sentence.
with a few expressing frustration and hopelessness about staying in the country– Who is "a few"?
threatens to deal a death blow to the pilgrimage tradition– "Deal a death blow" is not formal language, and it appears to be a slightly modified version of wording plagiarized from the source
The newspaper also reported the existence of a secret plan for massive emigration– This needs to be clarified.
All sources appear to be reliable. There are a lot of primary sources, but that's not a GA issue. Earwig does not turn up any direct copyright violations.
The president has been criticized for downplaying the significance of the attack and its antisemitic motives.– This is a contentious statement about a living person. Such statements are not allowed on any Wikipedia article without a citation. As it had none, I deleted it myself.
Spot checks:
to celebrate the holiday of Lag BaOmer
was subsequently locked down
He also promised to continue fighting "against anti-Semitic hatred"versus France's President Emmanuel Macron promised to continue fighting "against anti-Semitic hatred". The quote is fine, but it's a problem that the wording around it is the same.
parked the bike in a schoolyard about 200 meters away from the synagogue
contained a few hundred worshipers at the time as the festivities were concluding
As he moved away from the schoolyard, and after monitoring the movements of a traffic police vehicle parked nearby, he opened fire indiscriminately at security units at around 8:13 PM
a 30-year-old man of Israeli-Tunisian descent, who worked as a goldsmith in the local market, and a 42-year-old man of French-Tunisian heritage, who had come to join in the festivitiesversus Aviel Hadad, 30, who was also an Israeli citizen working as a goldsmith in the local market, and Ben Hadad, 42, who lived in France and came in order to celebrate the festivities
he did not explicitly mention the targeting of the Jewish community or antisemitism. He also refrained from labeling the incident as terrorism, a term he has used previously to describe the actions of political opponents since assuming significant powers in 2021versus He made no reference to the shooter's targeting of the Jewish community or to antisemitism and did not call the shooting terrorism, a term he has sometimes used to describe the work of his political opponents since he seized most powers in 2021.
Spot checks generally should not produce issues this significant. It would be easily fixable if it was just a few minor issues, but the fact that they're coming up this often suggests that these are problems that exist with most of the sources throughout the article. Articles with significant original research, close paraphrasing, or text-source integrity issues can't pass at GA without significant reworking.
Good articles are expected to reasonably cover every major aspect of a topic. In this case, that would be the context before the event, the event itself and the days surrounding it, and the long term aftermath of the event. There's plenty of before and during here, but practically no coverage of what happened after the event. It cuts off just a few days after the event occurred. What effects did this cause? What were the legal, political, and societal repercussions? Normally an article like this would be expected to cover the aftermath over the following weeks, months, or years. This article is so recent that years isn't possible, so I'd expect significant coverage over the following weeks or months.
Conversely, good articles cannot go into excessive detail. The "international reactions" section here goes beyond encyclopedic coverage of the topic. There seem to be some indiscriminately collected quotes from figures who commented on it. Any information that isn't significant to the overall event should be removed, including anything that amounts purely to condolences, condemnations, or tributes.
No ideas are given undue weight, and the article does not use a positive or negative tone.
No recent disputes.
Both images are relevant, are licensed under Creative Commons, and have suitable captions.