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2011 Brickyard 400 article. This is
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NASCAR may not be my strongest point of knowledge but I think I can review this.
@
Good888: Thank you for your comments. I figured the prose would have some cleaning up to do, so I'll try to address that as soon as I can, hopefully later tonight if I have the time. Thanks, --
Bentvfan54321 (
talk) 20:24, 11 November 2014 (UTC)reply
Lead section
"He remained 53 points behind tenth place driver Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and two ahead of Kasey Kahne in seventh." I am guessing you meant seventeenth?
The standings appear to be screwed up in many different places; I'll look at this when I have more time. --
Bentvfan54321 (
talk) 21:23, 11 November 2014 (UTC)reply
"However, Kahne managed to take the first position before the conclusion of the first lap." Change to "Kahne managed to take first before the conclusion of the first lap."
"On the sixth lap of the race, Trevor Bayne had to go to pit lane after overheating." Doesn't sound right. Rewrite to "Trevor Bayne was forced to go to the pit lane after overheating."
"Four laps later, the first caution was given because of debris on the racing surface." What caused the debris to appear?
Not done This is something that typically is not revealed to the audience. Unless it is obvious (such as a piece of tire from a car that just hit the wall), "debris" is simply a generic term. It could be anything from a piece that inexplicably fell off of a car, to a beer can, to a caution light shade, to pretty much anything else that could negatively interfere the conditions on the track. --
Bentvfan54321 (
talk) 01:04, 12 November 2014 (UTC)reply
"At the lap 38 restart" Rewrite to "At the restart on the 38th lap".
"On the following lap, Montoya moved up to the third position, as Marcos Ambrose had a drive through penalty after switching lanes before the start, finish line." Change "Montoya moved up to the third position" to "Montoya moved up to third" and change "had a drive through" to "received a drive-through."
"With ten laps remaining, Trevor Bayne moved up to the tenth position, three laps before McMurray became the leader." Change to "up to tenth". Also, how did McMurray become the leader. Did he overtake Menard or did Menard suffer problems?
"The race result moved Menard up five positions to 14th in the Driver's Championship." Hang on, you said that he moved up to 15th in the lead section. Which is correct?
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This is the
talk page for discussing improvements to the
2011 Brickyard 400 article. This is
not a forum for general discussion of the article's subject.
This article is part of WikiProject NASCAR, an attempt to improve and standardize articles related to
NASCAR. If you would like to participate, you can edit the article attached to this page, you can visit the
project to-do page, or visit the
project page, where you can join the project and/or contribute to the
discussion.NASCARWikipedia:WikiProject NASCARTemplate:WikiProject NASCARNASCAR articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject United States, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of topics relating to the
United States of America on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the ongoing discussions.
NASCAR may not be my strongest point of knowledge but I think I can review this.
@
Good888: Thank you for your comments. I figured the prose would have some cleaning up to do, so I'll try to address that as soon as I can, hopefully later tonight if I have the time. Thanks, --
Bentvfan54321 (
talk) 20:24, 11 November 2014 (UTC)reply
Lead section
"He remained 53 points behind tenth place driver Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and two ahead of Kasey Kahne in seventh." I am guessing you meant seventeenth?
The standings appear to be screwed up in many different places; I'll look at this when I have more time. --
Bentvfan54321 (
talk) 21:23, 11 November 2014 (UTC)reply
"However, Kahne managed to take the first position before the conclusion of the first lap." Change to "Kahne managed to take first before the conclusion of the first lap."
"On the sixth lap of the race, Trevor Bayne had to go to pit lane after overheating." Doesn't sound right. Rewrite to "Trevor Bayne was forced to go to the pit lane after overheating."
"Four laps later, the first caution was given because of debris on the racing surface." What caused the debris to appear?
Not done This is something that typically is not revealed to the audience. Unless it is obvious (such as a piece of tire from a car that just hit the wall), "debris" is simply a generic term. It could be anything from a piece that inexplicably fell off of a car, to a beer can, to a caution light shade, to pretty much anything else that could negatively interfere the conditions on the track. --
Bentvfan54321 (
talk) 01:04, 12 November 2014 (UTC)reply
"At the lap 38 restart" Rewrite to "At the restart on the 38th lap".
"On the following lap, Montoya moved up to the third position, as Marcos Ambrose had a drive through penalty after switching lanes before the start, finish line." Change "Montoya moved up to the third position" to "Montoya moved up to third" and change "had a drive through" to "received a drive-through."
"With ten laps remaining, Trevor Bayne moved up to the tenth position, three laps before McMurray became the leader." Change to "up to tenth". Also, how did McMurray become the leader. Did he overtake Menard or did Menard suffer problems?
"The race result moved Menard up five positions to 14th in the Driver's Championship." Hang on, you said that he moved up to 15th in the lead section. Which is correct?
I have just modified 2 external links on
2011 Brickyard 400. Please take a moment to review
my edit. If you have any questions, or need the bot to ignore the links, or the page altogether, please visit
this simple FaQ for additional information. I made the following changes:
When you have finished reviewing my changes, you may follow the instructions on the template below to fix any issues with the URLs.
This message was posted before February 2018.
After February 2018, "External links modified" talk page sections are no longer generated or monitored by InternetArchiveBot. No special action is required regarding these talk page notices, other than
regular verification using the archive tool instructions below. Editors
have permission to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the
RfC before doing mass systematic removals. This message is updated dynamically through the template {{
source check}} (last update: 18 January 2022).
If you have discovered URLs which were erroneously considered dead by the bot, you can report them with
this tool.
If you found an error with any archives or the URLs themselves, you can fix them with
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