The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: asilvering ( talk · contribs) 23:08, 2 March 2024 (UTC)
Yakub's parents were Suleiman Shah and a daughter of Umur.Was this daughter of Umur his wife? If so, I think "Suleiman Shah and his wife, who was a daughter of Umur, the bey of Aydin" would be clearer and more informative. If we don't know if she was his wife, I still think adding "the bey of Aydin" would help stabilize this sentence a bit. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
He was the waliunclear who "he" is. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
sided with the Karamanids in reclaiming lands lost to the OttomansNot clear what's going on here. Lands lost how? Is this a rebellion? a war? something else? etc. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
In 1390, the entire realm of Germiyan came under Ottoman control.it's not totally clear from this that Yakub II was removed from power entirely. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
However, when Murad I died in battle and was succeeded by his son Bayezid I,will make no sense to someone who doesn't already know that Murad I was the ruler of the Ottoman Empire. You don't need whole sentences of context. Even "Sultan Murad I" would do, since you've called it "Ottoman Sultanate" in the previous sentence. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Timur granted Yakub the former lands under GermiyanIf this means "Timur restored the former Germiyan possessions to Yakub", it should say that instead. If it doesn't mean that, please clarify. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Timur stayed in Kütahya for some time but spared its inhabitantsunclear why this is relevant to Yakub II's biography. Also unclear why one would expect Timur staying in Kutahya to result in the death of all its inhabitants. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
which practically ended Yakub's second reigncan you clarify this "practically"? ie, does it mean "nearly"/"almost completely" or does it mean "in effect"/"in all intents and purposes"? -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Mehmed II further laid a 31-day siege in Bursa in 1413 and set the city on fire, which prompted Mehmed Chelebi to quickly return to Anatolia after having defeated his brother Musa Chelebi in Rumelia.not clear why this is relevant to Yakub II's biography? -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
when Musa's dead body arrived in Bursa in 1416, Mehmed II retreated in a hurrythis sounds like Mehmed II was running away from a zombie. Can you clarify what's going on here? Or, does it even need to be in this article? -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Although he was favored by the locals, Mustafa was not allowed to enter Bursawhy not? Alternatively, you could remove this and move straight to the siege of Iznik. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Germiyan, as it was already subordinate to the Ottomans and unofficially part of the stateunclear from this biography when that happened and why. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Likewise, Yakub bequeathed his domains to Murad as he had no sons and did not want to hand over the rule to his sister's children.Do we have any idea why? -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
The Germiyanid palace became a center of science, and the following: I think these belong under a new heading. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Okay, I've done a prose edit myself for grammar/flow - please feel free to contest any of those changes if you disagree with them. Having done it, I have two remaining questions:
Before returning to Anatolia, Bayezid...It's not clear where Bayezid was and why from this article. A reader could assume it has to do with the Battle of Kosovo, but it would be helpful to spell it out. -- asilvering ( talk) 21:26, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
Before returning to Anatolia, Bayezid first ensured stability in the Balkans...I've changed it to
Before returning to Anatolia from the Balkans, Bayezid first ensured stability in the latter region...Aintabli ( talk) 00:40, 19 March 2024 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: asilvering ( talk · contribs) 23:08, 2 March 2024 (UTC)
Yakub's parents were Suleiman Shah and a daughter of Umur.Was this daughter of Umur his wife? If so, I think "Suleiman Shah and his wife, who was a daughter of Umur, the bey of Aydin" would be clearer and more informative. If we don't know if she was his wife, I still think adding "the bey of Aydin" would help stabilize this sentence a bit. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
He was the waliunclear who "he" is. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
sided with the Karamanids in reclaiming lands lost to the OttomansNot clear what's going on here. Lands lost how? Is this a rebellion? a war? something else? etc. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
In 1390, the entire realm of Germiyan came under Ottoman control.it's not totally clear from this that Yakub II was removed from power entirely. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
However, when Murad I died in battle and was succeeded by his son Bayezid I,will make no sense to someone who doesn't already know that Murad I was the ruler of the Ottoman Empire. You don't need whole sentences of context. Even "Sultan Murad I" would do, since you've called it "Ottoman Sultanate" in the previous sentence. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Timur granted Yakub the former lands under GermiyanIf this means "Timur restored the former Germiyan possessions to Yakub", it should say that instead. If it doesn't mean that, please clarify. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Timur stayed in Kütahya for some time but spared its inhabitantsunclear why this is relevant to Yakub II's biography. Also unclear why one would expect Timur staying in Kutahya to result in the death of all its inhabitants. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
which practically ended Yakub's second reigncan you clarify this "practically"? ie, does it mean "nearly"/"almost completely" or does it mean "in effect"/"in all intents and purposes"? -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Mehmed II further laid a 31-day siege in Bursa in 1413 and set the city on fire, which prompted Mehmed Chelebi to quickly return to Anatolia after having defeated his brother Musa Chelebi in Rumelia.not clear why this is relevant to Yakub II's biography? -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
when Musa's dead body arrived in Bursa in 1416, Mehmed II retreated in a hurrythis sounds like Mehmed II was running away from a zombie. Can you clarify what's going on here? Or, does it even need to be in this article? -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Although he was favored by the locals, Mustafa was not allowed to enter Bursawhy not? Alternatively, you could remove this and move straight to the siege of Iznik. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Germiyan, as it was already subordinate to the Ottomans and unofficially part of the stateunclear from this biography when that happened and why. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Likewise, Yakub bequeathed his domains to Murad as he had no sons and did not want to hand over the rule to his sister's children.Do we have any idea why? -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
The Germiyanid palace became a center of science, and the following: I think these belong under a new heading. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:05, 13 March 2024 (UTC)
Okay, I've done a prose edit myself for grammar/flow - please feel free to contest any of those changes if you disagree with them. Having done it, I have two remaining questions:
Before returning to Anatolia, Bayezid...It's not clear where Bayezid was and why from this article. A reader could assume it has to do with the Battle of Kosovo, but it would be helpful to spell it out. -- asilvering ( talk) 21:26, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
Before returning to Anatolia, Bayezid first ensured stability in the Balkans...I've changed it to
Before returning to Anatolia from the Balkans, Bayezid first ensured stability in the latter region...Aintabli ( talk) 00:40, 19 March 2024 (UTC)