From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

WikiProject Biography Assessment

The article may be improved by following the WikiProject Biography 11 easy steps to producing at least a B article. -- Yamara 15:56, 1 June 2007 (UTC) reply


Inappropriate tone flag

Existing text is not offensive, or anything. It may even be very accurate.

But the tone isn't quite "business-like" WP:TONE i.e. "practical and unemotional", especially in its descriptions of family and court relationships. It might be improved by citing references, and if the historical personages emotions are described in a specific chronicle, note it that way.

Some sentences are a bit run-on, as are the headers; I'm going to take the liberty of editing the headers down, since detail is repeated (and belongs) in the text.

Overall, not a bad article, though. Cheers. -- Yamara 18:14, 1 June 2007 (UTC) reply

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

WikiProject Biography Assessment

The article may be improved by following the WikiProject Biography 11 easy steps to producing at least a B article. -- Yamara 15:56, 1 June 2007 (UTC) reply


Inappropriate tone flag

Existing text is not offensive, or anything. It may even be very accurate.

But the tone isn't quite "business-like" WP:TONE i.e. "practical and unemotional", especially in its descriptions of family and court relationships. It might be improved by citing references, and if the historical personages emotions are described in a specific chronicle, note it that way.

Some sentences are a bit run-on, as are the headers; I'm going to take the liberty of editing the headers down, since detail is repeated (and belongs) in the text.

Overall, not a bad article, though. Cheers. -- Yamara 18:14, 1 June 2007 (UTC) reply


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