"YUKE's Future Media Creators" The compnay's name isn't capitalised in the WP article, so I'm assuming it shouldn't be here.
WP:MoS#ALLCAPS. Inconsistent with subsequent usage of the name.
In the WP article, "YUKE's Future Media Creators" is capitalized.
"where a new control scheme improved the grappling system of the game, called" A pedanticone maybe, but isn't stating that it was an improvement a personal judgement? A may be widely accepted or obvious, but better to be safe with something like "altered".
"Unlike the previous games, where the player pressed two buttons to perform a grapple or an attack, with the new control scheme, players were able to place their opponents into a grapple position, where they choose to perform a move by moving the directional buttons of their system's controller". "with the new control scheme," breaks the flow of the sentence and is needless. Could do with "could" before "choose".
Done
"to move a meter (labeled "Submit" and "Escape") towards the end of the meter" Meter towards meter? Reword for clarity. I don't know, use "marker" or something.
Done
The "Gameplay" section is too long for my linking, although I do realise that it's a series article. However, a lot of words is used to convey very simple concepts. For example, look at how much is said to convey that submission changed from tapping the buttons to move the analogue stick. Needs an effort to make things more concise generally and cut out minutiae.
"amount of damage conducted to the player's chosen superstar" Strange word choice. Why not change to "inflicted"?
Done
"area; Yellow represents" Why is there a capital letter here?
I feel that it's needless to go into specifics and that the section could be easily cut down in places. For example, why do you have to go through what each colour represents?
Because it is part of the gameplay, it is major, as it is one of the main reason the player measures the damage done in a match, and leads to them losing or winning.--SRX--LatinoHeat16:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
"There are four ways to win a match in every game, by pinfall" Could do with a colon instead of a comma after "game".
"Disqualification, pinfall, submission, and countout are all enabled by default, though they can be altered in an options menu, where they can be enabled or disabled" In my opinion, this sentence is needless—saying whether something is defaulted or not is the most minor of details. Saying that they can be "enabled" at the end is pointless since you've already said that they're enabled by default.
"When players selected dirty, the superstar is booed by the audience in the game, oppositely, the clean is cheered by the audience." Firstly, if referring to players as "cleans" is in-game jargon, then it could do with speech marks around them so it doesn't appear as informal text. "Conversely" sound more professional than "oppositely" in my opinion.
Done
"The stamina system is measured by a meter on the HUD, the meter decreases when performing a variety of moves." watch out for
comma splices; needs a semi-colon.
"where they draft superstars onto their brand, set champions for their brand, and set up rivalries for their brand; all to compete with the opposing brand." Brandtastic!!!! Resolve by reserving "for their Brand" in the last part of the listing.
"This mode, unlike the rest of the games, tended to blur the lines between kayfabe and reality." Could do with a source. Actually, the stuff beyond that needs to be revised. Watch out for original research; don't refer to the reader as "you".
I didn't write that section, so I had no awareness of it, I removed it, and left only a small portion of it, and merged into the Season mode.--SRX--LatinoHeat16:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
Remove the comparison to the other series in the following paragraph.
"left with only their bra and panties." When using the words outside of the actual context of the match name, don't use colloquial/informal language.
"The series features a create mode, where players are able to create their own wrestler and move set, or the moves the wrestler is able to perform." Reword for better fluency and clarity.
Mentioning subtitles and such stuff in "Development" is related to gameplay not development, unless it can be linked with actual development processes and rationales.
Many refs don't contain dates even though it's given in the source. Even if it's part of a whole topic, the date needs to be present in every source. Needs publisher, retrieval date, date and author.
I've also done minor copyedits to remedy multiple other issues. Too many issues. I'm ambivalent about failing it or not, although I'm leaning towards fail as I could not say that this is a well-written article. The sourcing is also poor. Therefore, I will ask for a second opinion from my GAN mentor
User: Giggy. Thanks.
AshnardTalkContribs15:19, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
I'm sorry I didn't notcie this before, but I've just realised that "Reception" is referenced exclusively by IGN. These sections need a variety of sources to be balanced and neutral.
Overlinking: an article only needs to be linked once in the article. Remove any instances of multiple links to the same article.
I did the best I could with that, as I thought in some areas it would be needed. Is it okay? Or does it need further removing of links?SRX--LatinoHeat20:25, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
It's pretty late where I live. I'm going to go to sleep, wake up, and then have another look in the morning where I'll most probably pass the article. Thank you for your hard work.
AshnardTalkContribs22:03, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
"YUKE's Future Media Creators" The compnay's name isn't capitalised in the WP article, so I'm assuming it shouldn't be here.
WP:MoS#ALLCAPS. Inconsistent with subsequent usage of the name.
In the WP article, "YUKE's Future Media Creators" is capitalized.
"where a new control scheme improved the grappling system of the game, called" A pedanticone maybe, but isn't stating that it was an improvement a personal judgement? A may be widely accepted or obvious, but better to be safe with something like "altered".
"Unlike the previous games, where the player pressed two buttons to perform a grapple or an attack, with the new control scheme, players were able to place their opponents into a grapple position, where they choose to perform a move by moving the directional buttons of their system's controller". "with the new control scheme," breaks the flow of the sentence and is needless. Could do with "could" before "choose".
Done
"to move a meter (labeled "Submit" and "Escape") towards the end of the meter" Meter towards meter? Reword for clarity. I don't know, use "marker" or something.
Done
The "Gameplay" section is too long for my linking, although I do realise that it's a series article. However, a lot of words is used to convey very simple concepts. For example, look at how much is said to convey that submission changed from tapping the buttons to move the analogue stick. Needs an effort to make things more concise generally and cut out minutiae.
"amount of damage conducted to the player's chosen superstar" Strange word choice. Why not change to "inflicted"?
Done
"area; Yellow represents" Why is there a capital letter here?
I feel that it's needless to go into specifics and that the section could be easily cut down in places. For example, why do you have to go through what each colour represents?
Because it is part of the gameplay, it is major, as it is one of the main reason the player measures the damage done in a match, and leads to them losing or winning.--SRX--LatinoHeat16:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
"There are four ways to win a match in every game, by pinfall" Could do with a colon instead of a comma after "game".
"Disqualification, pinfall, submission, and countout are all enabled by default, though they can be altered in an options menu, where they can be enabled or disabled" In my opinion, this sentence is needless—saying whether something is defaulted or not is the most minor of details. Saying that they can be "enabled" at the end is pointless since you've already said that they're enabled by default.
"When players selected dirty, the superstar is booed by the audience in the game, oppositely, the clean is cheered by the audience." Firstly, if referring to players as "cleans" is in-game jargon, then it could do with speech marks around them so it doesn't appear as informal text. "Conversely" sound more professional than "oppositely" in my opinion.
Done
"The stamina system is measured by a meter on the HUD, the meter decreases when performing a variety of moves." watch out for
comma splices; needs a semi-colon.
"where they draft superstars onto their brand, set champions for their brand, and set up rivalries for their brand; all to compete with the opposing brand." Brandtastic!!!! Resolve by reserving "for their Brand" in the last part of the listing.
"This mode, unlike the rest of the games, tended to blur the lines between kayfabe and reality." Could do with a source. Actually, the stuff beyond that needs to be revised. Watch out for original research; don't refer to the reader as "you".
I didn't write that section, so I had no awareness of it, I removed it, and left only a small portion of it, and merged into the Season mode.--SRX--LatinoHeat16:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
Remove the comparison to the other series in the following paragraph.
"left with only their bra and panties." When using the words outside of the actual context of the match name, don't use colloquial/informal language.
"The series features a create mode, where players are able to create their own wrestler and move set, or the moves the wrestler is able to perform." Reword for better fluency and clarity.
Mentioning subtitles and such stuff in "Development" is related to gameplay not development, unless it can be linked with actual development processes and rationales.
Many refs don't contain dates even though it's given in the source. Even if it's part of a whole topic, the date needs to be present in every source. Needs publisher, retrieval date, date and author.
I've also done minor copyedits to remedy multiple other issues. Too many issues. I'm ambivalent about failing it or not, although I'm leaning towards fail as I could not say that this is a well-written article. The sourcing is also poor. Therefore, I will ask for a second opinion from my GAN mentor
User: Giggy. Thanks.
AshnardTalkContribs15:19, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
I'm sorry I didn't notcie this before, but I've just realised that "Reception" is referenced exclusively by IGN. These sections need a variety of sources to be balanced and neutral.
Overlinking: an article only needs to be linked once in the article. Remove any instances of multiple links to the same article.
I did the best I could with that, as I thought in some areas it would be needed. Is it okay? Or does it need further removing of links?SRX--LatinoHeat20:25, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply
It's pretty late where I live. I'm going to go to sleep, wake up, and then have another look in the morning where I'll most probably pass the article. Thank you for your hard work.
AshnardTalkContribs22:03, 30 June 2008 (UTC)reply