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” A growth spurt prior to his senior year of high school drew interest from the soccer and football teams,” – “A growth spurt prior to his senior year of high school caused him to draw interest from the soccer and football teams,”
”After going from a successful performance with the Quad Cities River Bandits in 2013 to a disappointing three-game stretch with the Lancaster JetHawks, Velasquez learned to sharpen his curveball, and, the following year, he helped take the JetHawks to a California League championship title.”—I feel like this might make more sense if worded as, “He had a successful season with the Quad Cities River Bandits in 2013, but struggles during a three-game stretch with the Lancaster JetHawks inspired him to sharpen his curveball. The following year, he helped take the JetHawks to a California League championship title.” The advantage of wording it this way is that it shows that the three games with Lancaster were indeed an important part of the year for him.
” he was traded to the Phillies as part of Matt Klentak's major trade for Ken Giles” – Probably don’t need to mention Klentak here. Maybe just say “he was part of a major trade with the Phillies that brought Ken Giles to Houston.”
”His father Leonard worked as a package delivery driver for the United Parcel Service (UPS), and sometimes worked four jobs at once to provide for Velasquez and his brothers, while his mother Juanita was a hospital billing supervisor.” – “His father Leonard primarily worked as a package delivery driver for the United Parcel Service (UPS), though he sometimes worked four jobs at once to provide for Velasquez and his brothers. Vince’s mother Juanita was a hospital billing supervisor.”
I think I would take out the last sentence of the first paragraph. The article is more of a Mother’s Day article and, while undoubtedly true, carries the negative implication that Velasquez was not close with his father. This might make it a little misleading, and the article would be better off without it.
This might be correct, but did the Astros actually have an instructional league? Or did they have a team in an instructional league?
I googled "Astros instructional league" and it appears to be defined in that they have a league of their own (ba-dum tss)
” Velasquez regained his pitch velocity quickly after the surgery, his fastball speed jumping from 88–90 mph (142–145 km/h) to 90–93 mph (145–150 km/h), but took the season to regain control.” – “Velasquez regained his pitch velocity quickly after the surgery. His fastball speed jumped from 88–90 mph (142–145 km/h) to 90–93 mph (145–150 km/h), but it took him the whole season to regain his control.”
” Although he missed two months of the season with a groin injury,[16] 2014 proved to be a breakout season for Velasquez, who started seven games and appeared 12 times in relief, posting a 4.37 ERA in the process” – “Although…” is technically modifying the subject, implying that he is referring to the subject, which is 2014. Try instead “Although Velasquez missed two months of the season with a groin injury,[16] 2014 proved to be a breakout season for him. He started seven games and appeared 12 times in relief, posting a 4.37 ERA in the process.”
” It was the first major trade of Matt Klentak's new role as the Phillies' general manager, with Giles used as a bargaining chip to rebuild a struggling team.” – “It was Matt Klentak’s first major trade as the Phillies' general manager; he used Giles as a bargaining chip to attempt a rebuild of a struggling team.”
” Velasquez was placed on the 15-day disabled list on June 10, with Luis García called up from the Lehigh Valley IronPigs to take his place, and returned to the Phillies on June 27” – Probably don’t need to mention Garcia here. How about “Velasquez was placed on the 15-day disabled list on June 10, returning to the active roster 17 days later on June 27.”
I would take out that he started the season poorly—a 1.99 ERA in four starts is actually quite good. It looks more like he had four good games, then started pitching poorly. Your summary of his early-season performance should sufficiently make this point.
” despite a 1.99 ERA in his first four starts, he allowed 18 base runners, four home runs, and eight runs in a span of 7+2⁄3 innings before he was placed on the 10-day injured list with a right forearm strain on May 11” – “after a 1.99 ERA in his first four starts, he allowed 18 base runners, four home runs, and eight runs in a span of 7+2⁄3 innings before he was placed on the 10-day injured list with a right forearm strain on May 11.”
Found Ned Garver’s autobiography for $5 at a store recently, then discovered after I bought it that it was actually autographed!
Much less cool, but a similar thing happened to me when I bought an Arthurian criticism book secondhand and found a note from the author inside! — GhostRiver21:01, 24 August 2021 (UTC)reply
” Velasquez lost control of a 90 mph (140 km/h) fastball, and accidentally fractured the nose of opposing pitcher Austin Voth” – “Velasquez lost control of a 90 mph (140 km/h) fastball, accidentally fracturing the nose of opposing pitcher Austin Voth”
“Velasquez' father, as well as his older brothers Leonard Jr. and Christopher, served in the United States Marine Corps, with his brothers serving in the Iraq War.” – “Velasquez' father and uncles, Leonard Jr. and Christopher, served in the United States Marine Corps. His brothers served in the Iraq War.”
This article must adhere to the biographies of living persons (BLP) policy, even if it is not a biography, because it contains material about living persons. Contentious material about living persons that is unsourced or
poorly sourcedmust be removed immediately from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially
libellous. If such material is repeatedly inserted, or if you have other concerns, please report the issue to
this noticeboard.If you are a subject of this article, or acting on behalf of one, and you need help, please see this help page.
This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following
WikiProjects:
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to
join the project and
contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Baseball, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
baseball on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.BaseballWikipedia:WikiProject BaseballTemplate:WikiProject BaseballBaseball articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject California, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of the
U.S. state of California on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.CaliforniaWikipedia:WikiProject CaliforniaTemplate:WikiProject CaliforniaCalifornia articles
” A growth spurt prior to his senior year of high school drew interest from the soccer and football teams,” – “A growth spurt prior to his senior year of high school caused him to draw interest from the soccer and football teams,”
”After going from a successful performance with the Quad Cities River Bandits in 2013 to a disappointing three-game stretch with the Lancaster JetHawks, Velasquez learned to sharpen his curveball, and, the following year, he helped take the JetHawks to a California League championship title.”—I feel like this might make more sense if worded as, “He had a successful season with the Quad Cities River Bandits in 2013, but struggles during a three-game stretch with the Lancaster JetHawks inspired him to sharpen his curveball. The following year, he helped take the JetHawks to a California League championship title.” The advantage of wording it this way is that it shows that the three games with Lancaster were indeed an important part of the year for him.
” he was traded to the Phillies as part of Matt Klentak's major trade for Ken Giles” – Probably don’t need to mention Klentak here. Maybe just say “he was part of a major trade with the Phillies that brought Ken Giles to Houston.”
”His father Leonard worked as a package delivery driver for the United Parcel Service (UPS), and sometimes worked four jobs at once to provide for Velasquez and his brothers, while his mother Juanita was a hospital billing supervisor.” – “His father Leonard primarily worked as a package delivery driver for the United Parcel Service (UPS), though he sometimes worked four jobs at once to provide for Velasquez and his brothers. Vince’s mother Juanita was a hospital billing supervisor.”
I think I would take out the last sentence of the first paragraph. The article is more of a Mother’s Day article and, while undoubtedly true, carries the negative implication that Velasquez was not close with his father. This might make it a little misleading, and the article would be better off without it.
This might be correct, but did the Astros actually have an instructional league? Or did they have a team in an instructional league?
I googled "Astros instructional league" and it appears to be defined in that they have a league of their own (ba-dum tss)
” Velasquez regained his pitch velocity quickly after the surgery, his fastball speed jumping from 88–90 mph (142–145 km/h) to 90–93 mph (145–150 km/h), but took the season to regain control.” – “Velasquez regained his pitch velocity quickly after the surgery. His fastball speed jumped from 88–90 mph (142–145 km/h) to 90–93 mph (145–150 km/h), but it took him the whole season to regain his control.”
” Although he missed two months of the season with a groin injury,[16] 2014 proved to be a breakout season for Velasquez, who started seven games and appeared 12 times in relief, posting a 4.37 ERA in the process” – “Although…” is technically modifying the subject, implying that he is referring to the subject, which is 2014. Try instead “Although Velasquez missed two months of the season with a groin injury,[16] 2014 proved to be a breakout season for him. He started seven games and appeared 12 times in relief, posting a 4.37 ERA in the process.”
” It was the first major trade of Matt Klentak's new role as the Phillies' general manager, with Giles used as a bargaining chip to rebuild a struggling team.” – “It was Matt Klentak’s first major trade as the Phillies' general manager; he used Giles as a bargaining chip to attempt a rebuild of a struggling team.”
” Velasquez was placed on the 15-day disabled list on June 10, with Luis García called up from the Lehigh Valley IronPigs to take his place, and returned to the Phillies on June 27” – Probably don’t need to mention Garcia here. How about “Velasquez was placed on the 15-day disabled list on June 10, returning to the active roster 17 days later on June 27.”
I would take out that he started the season poorly—a 1.99 ERA in four starts is actually quite good. It looks more like he had four good games, then started pitching poorly. Your summary of his early-season performance should sufficiently make this point.
” despite a 1.99 ERA in his first four starts, he allowed 18 base runners, four home runs, and eight runs in a span of 7+2⁄3 innings before he was placed on the 10-day injured list with a right forearm strain on May 11” – “after a 1.99 ERA in his first four starts, he allowed 18 base runners, four home runs, and eight runs in a span of 7+2⁄3 innings before he was placed on the 10-day injured list with a right forearm strain on May 11.”
Found Ned Garver’s autobiography for $5 at a store recently, then discovered after I bought it that it was actually autographed!
Much less cool, but a similar thing happened to me when I bought an Arthurian criticism book secondhand and found a note from the author inside! — GhostRiver21:01, 24 August 2021 (UTC)reply
” Velasquez lost control of a 90 mph (140 km/h) fastball, and accidentally fractured the nose of opposing pitcher Austin Voth” – “Velasquez lost control of a 90 mph (140 km/h) fastball, accidentally fracturing the nose of opposing pitcher Austin Voth”
“Velasquez' father, as well as his older brothers Leonard Jr. and Christopher, served in the United States Marine Corps, with his brothers serving in the Iraq War.” – “Velasquez' father and uncles, Leonard Jr. and Christopher, served in the United States Marine Corps. His brothers served in the Iraq War.”