Blockquotes need neither italics nor quotation marks.
The second blockquote is very short, so should probably be adapted into prose or paraphrased
Production
"who used some elements from Turner's script...incorporating some of the elements from the Griffins' script" - repetitive
"Approximately 4,600 people applied to be an extra in the film" - 'an extra' sounds like there was only one extra position
"They received a startling amount of responses with 100 responses; 60 people on camera" - gramatically incorrect. Try 'They received a startling amount of responses with 100 responses, including 60 people on camera'
"Producers set up a St. Louis, Missouri production office January 5, 2009" - on Jan 5
"He flew home every weekend to work with her for a few hours on Saturdays or Sundays. That was the only way they were able to stay on schedule" - merge the two sentences
I am a bit concerned about close paraphrasing. Source: "We only had a 16- or 17-week post schedule; the normal post schedule is anywhere from 22 to 26 weeks" vs article: "The editing team only had a 16 or 17 week post schedule, whereas the normal post schedule is anywhere from 22 to 26 weeks".
This hasn't been addressed
Soundtrack
Introduce the soundtrack. Rather than jumping straight into "Up in the Air was composed by Rolfe Kent...", start with 'A self-titled
soundtrack album was released by [label] on [date] to accompany the film.'
The track listing probably isn't needed here; being on the soundtrack article is sufficient
Release
Jason Reitman - scrap first name
"He indicated that he could relate to the lead character, Ryan Bingham's, life style, and he enjoys it himself." - rewrite
"After three days it expanded to 72 theaters and took in $2,394,344—$33,255 per theater, during the second weekend." - while technically correct, the two numbers and em dash look like a range. Rewrite
"Reviews have been generally positive." - already stated at the beginning of the paragraph
When you change the case of a letter in a quote, you do not need to indicate this in square brackets. I
changed it in the article, but just letting you know for future use
Instead of including the "4 out of 5 stars" part of the quote, paraphrase (ie Tomlinson awarded 'Up in the Air four out of five stars) [note the
WP:ORDINAL here too]
The fact that the Lithuanian stats are most up-to-date does not mean that it was screen last in Lithuania. I suggest you just remove this info and rewrite ' Up in the Air grossed $83,823,381 in the U.S., received worldwide gross takings of $163,220,494.' —Andrewstalk11:26, 23 July 2011 (UTC)reply
That Ole Cheesy Dude, you did a great job in updating the article to meet GA standards. Andrew, your review was thorough and accurate. I also appreciate your edits. I wish to thank you both for your time and effort. --
Dan Dassow (
talk)
21:03, 23 July 2011 (UTC)reply
Blockquotes need neither italics nor quotation marks.
The second blockquote is very short, so should probably be adapted into prose or paraphrased
Production
"who used some elements from Turner's script...incorporating some of the elements from the Griffins' script" - repetitive
"Approximately 4,600 people applied to be an extra in the film" - 'an extra' sounds like there was only one extra position
"They received a startling amount of responses with 100 responses; 60 people on camera" - gramatically incorrect. Try 'They received a startling amount of responses with 100 responses, including 60 people on camera'
"Producers set up a St. Louis, Missouri production office January 5, 2009" - on Jan 5
"He flew home every weekend to work with her for a few hours on Saturdays or Sundays. That was the only way they were able to stay on schedule" - merge the two sentences
I am a bit concerned about close paraphrasing. Source: "We only had a 16- or 17-week post schedule; the normal post schedule is anywhere from 22 to 26 weeks" vs article: "The editing team only had a 16 or 17 week post schedule, whereas the normal post schedule is anywhere from 22 to 26 weeks".
This hasn't been addressed
Soundtrack
Introduce the soundtrack. Rather than jumping straight into "Up in the Air was composed by Rolfe Kent...", start with 'A self-titled
soundtrack album was released by [label] on [date] to accompany the film.'
The track listing probably isn't needed here; being on the soundtrack article is sufficient
Release
Jason Reitman - scrap first name
"He indicated that he could relate to the lead character, Ryan Bingham's, life style, and he enjoys it himself." - rewrite
"After three days it expanded to 72 theaters and took in $2,394,344—$33,255 per theater, during the second weekend." - while technically correct, the two numbers and em dash look like a range. Rewrite
"Reviews have been generally positive." - already stated at the beginning of the paragraph
When you change the case of a letter in a quote, you do not need to indicate this in square brackets. I
changed it in the article, but just letting you know for future use
Instead of including the "4 out of 5 stars" part of the quote, paraphrase (ie Tomlinson awarded 'Up in the Air four out of five stars) [note the
WP:ORDINAL here too]
The fact that the Lithuanian stats are most up-to-date does not mean that it was screen last in Lithuania. I suggest you just remove this info and rewrite ' Up in the Air grossed $83,823,381 in the U.S., received worldwide gross takings of $163,220,494.' —Andrewstalk11:26, 23 July 2011 (UTC)reply
That Ole Cheesy Dude, you did a great job in updating the article to meet GA standards. Andrew, your review was thorough and accurate. I also appreciate your edits. I wish to thank you both for your time and effort. --
Dan Dassow (
talk)
21:03, 23 July 2011 (UTC)reply