Sorry for the short delay. I decided that in light of recent events, I will still complete the review. I'm not going to just abandon it. Posting soon :)--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:48, 13 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Round One
Lead
The concert itself differed from those of the Up! Tour (2003–04) -> The concert itself differed from that of the Up! Tour (2003–04)
I think it should be those, as there are multiple concerts on tour. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 21:20, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Actually, we are talking about the concerts synopsis and structure, so no, that wouldn't be plural.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
Behind-the-scenes footage was filmed in the same week where Twain visited local landmarks and events -> comma needed
Done.
it featured additional performances void from the television presentation, -> not included in the
What I wrote is the same thing except re-worded...--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
Up! Live in Chicago' was
Up! Live in Chicago' was also a commercial success -> This sentence is a mixture of PEACOCK and NPOV; we don't need for you to tell us that, just stick with the facts
Done.
It was also certified platinum in Australia -> refrain from little choppy sentences like this
I don't think there's anything wrong with having this particular sentence (just to have a good mixture of lengths with sentences). When all sentences all long, it can be a bit overwhelming for the reader, and, of course, when they are all short, it can be choppy and difficult to read. I don't know. That's just my opinion. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 21:20, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
I understand. But for "well-written" prose, we try and refrain from choppy and small sentences that can easily be merged into another. But now at that. Why mention Australia and not Austria or Brazil? I would understand the US, being that its the largest market by far, but having those two is just an inconsistency.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
The video was also source to the music videos for Twain's singles -> Doesn't read very well
Done.
Background
Three and a half years apart from her previous concert, -> Over three years after filming her previous concert,
No, she had three and a half years without performing a live show. Is "Over three and a half years after performing previous concert" O.K.? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Still doesn't read well. "After performing previous concert"?--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
What about "Three and a half years after her last live concert"? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 00:06, 26 August 2011 (UTC)reply
three outdoor concerts between Europe and North America -> I know you have "in" right after, but between isn't the best word here
Done.
three outdoor concerts -> I don't understand, isn't it a complete tour?
No, it wasn't a tour. She performed three concerts to promote her album before her actual tour started. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
That's the thing. You have to make this clear enough from the way its written. ou won't be there to explain this to every reader.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Twain scheduled the trek primarily because of her prolonged absence from live performances and to ensure playing a concert in the United States prior to her Up! Tour, which was to commence in September 2003 in Europe (although it ultimately did so in North America) -> very run-on and difficult to understand. Try to simplify
Still doesn't make sense. The Up! Tour extensively visited the US, so saying that she wanted to guarantee a visit here does't make sense.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Yes, but apparently, the tour was at first going to start in Europe, and she wanted to ensure a concert in the US
She said, "With the tour starting in September, I didn't want to miss the summer without staging a concert in the U.S. After living with these 19 songs [from Up!] and going through the recording process, it's time to get on stage and perform them -> I still don't quite understand. She had a tour? Three shows?
You must clarify for the issues above that the reason she wanted to perform in the US is because she wanted to schedule a concert during the summer. You didn't write that. Now it kind of makes sense.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
maintain it in an energized spirit -> re-word
Done.
Okay, so as of the first paragraph, I am unclear as whether she was on a regular tour, or the three shows, or anything. A lot needs to be clarified
crossover history that could expand on the number of viewers -> expand? re-word
Done.
The concert was attended by over 50,000 people -> Was it free? This sentence begins the same as the previous one. Also, refrain from these choppt sentences
Yes, it was free. It was in the first sentence of the second paragraph. Also, I tried to change "the concert" to "it", but when I did, it seemed kind of unclear as to what "it" was referring to. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
There are many other adjective you could use. That in itself would make reading more concise.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
Concert synopsis
in an specific
Done.
not performed in an specific format from the three studio versions of the album -> you lost me there
Well, maybe you don't know, but Up! was released under three formats: Blue (World music), Green (Country), and Red (Pop). It was all in one packaging, but with multiple CDs. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
ended with the performance "I'm Gonna Getcha Good!"
Done.
Concluding with the performance -> a
Done.
proceeded to terminate the show -> lol, terminate is a bit harsh
Lol. Yeah, when I put it, I thought of Terminator. What about "ceased"? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
There is no link. There articles for specials from her residency shows, but it's not the same. This was a live broadcast, and there's no link for it. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Reception
had not attended a concert of Twain's, nor had seen the television special, and was awed by the singer's stage presence -> If he didn't watch it or attend, then how did he review it?
He reviewed the home release
The television special is the home release, just not seen on television. Its still a television special. Also, you would have to make that clear.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Not that it's run-on, but it doesn't read well. Alter opinion, leaving them to realize. These are not flowing prose.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
I know. Its incorrect. The would be if you spell it out. When you have it abbreviated, it doesn't make sense.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
noted the band's differences from that of a usual country band and expressed his desire for a more country-influenced sound. -> repetitious; also, I honestly don't completely follow
Is it clearer? I think so, but I don't think it is less repetitious. It still says "country" twice, but I don't think there's a way to evade that. Any suggestions? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Somewhat, yes. Maybe "southern"? "And was left wanting" is better.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
I'm not sure if you are aware, but printed newspapers require the "Cite news" template, which automatically has the publisher appear in parenthesis. This is needed for the first four references etc. Also, some of the works are a bit off. Instead of ARIA.com.au, it would be better to just list it as
ARIA Charts. Also, ABPD.org.br isn't needed, as the publisher is ABPD spelled out. There are several of these instances.
Yes, but the printed sources are used. The online articles are. As far as the work and publisher parameters, I think it is pretty much open to interpretation. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
That latter is fine, but you still need to update the templates. Those are printed sources.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
Comments
I'm placing the article on hold for seven days. Feel free to ask for an extension if needed and appropriate. If you have any queries, questions or any such thing, don't hesitate to ask them here, I have watch-listed this page. Good luck!--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 11:53, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Round Two
I am going to re-read the article and post still-lingering issues here, so there is less confusion.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 20:14, 29 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Lead
You have to give more of an introduction to the tour. You just go off "It differed from the", which leaves me puzzled
Behind-the-scenes footage was filmed in the same week, when Twain visited local landmarks and events -> was filmed during the same week, and features footage of Twain visiting
Done.
over 8.87 million viewers. Thus, it became the second-most-viewed -> over 8.87 million viewers, becoming the second-most-viewed
Done.
high ratings on television -> high television ratings
on the the television
Done.
I have an issue with the lead sentence that discusses its reception. You should give a full sentence on both its positive and negative aspects (interaction, however some questioned her singing etc.)
Done.
for shipment of 100,000 copies -> s
Done.
Excerpts from Up! Close and Personal were used as the music videos -> Mashed up clips, or the actual performance of the song?
Actual performances, but excerpts can be both. It's specified in the release section if anything. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 03:25, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Background
concert, Twain performed a series of three outdoor concerts -> try not repeating obvious wording within such close proximity
Done.
and to ensure playing a concert in the United States prior to her Up! Tour -> This doesn't make sense. Why? The Up Tour did visit the US
At the time, it was to commence in September 2003 in Europe, although it ultimately did so in North America -> don't quite follow
stating she preferred -> that
with a setlist of twenty-two songs -> composed of
Done.
The singer, the singer -> try mixing it up
Done.
music special, and reached out to Twain about filming the concert, which she accepted -> re-write
Done.
NBC executives sought Twain due to her being a well-established artist with a lengthy career and crossover history that could draw in more viewers -> Due to her being? Re-write
Done.
a program specialized to feed children in America -> I didn't know programs specialize in anything
You don't mention the concert being filmed and produced by Beth McCarthy-Miller anywhere in the prose
Done.
Concert synopsis
several hits -> POV
That's not a POV issue. I've seen countless GA articles call the songs hits. What else would they be called? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
The songs from Up! were not performed in a specific format from the three studio versions of the album -> ?
Did you read the comment I put above? Anyone that knows about the album, knows what that's supposed to mean. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Twain desired to approach the live productions -> desired to approach a song?
performed "No One Needs to Know" playing an -> while
Done.
Concluding with a performance -> concluding what?
the third and final segment of the concert, the encore -> the encore is not a segment. its an unannounced and unofficial part of the show. ust say she returned for the encore
It's not really unofficial. Most artists have a set encore that they do every single show. I don't really get why it's called the encore though. I always thought the same. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Release
The July 27, 2003 concert at Grant Park was announced along with Up! Live in Chicago -> doesn't make sense
I get you. What I mean is that it was announced and they said that it was going to be taped for a special. I re-wrote it, but don't think it makes much of a difference. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
and received high ratings -> any source for this?
Yes. Does becoming the second most watched concert movie on TV count as high ratings? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Up! Live in Chicago was also source to multiple media for singles from Up! -> re-write
I think it's fine. It gets more in detail in the next sentences, so I don't believe it needs to be changed. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Critical reception
You exaggerate the critical quotes from reviewers: "was awed by the singer's stage presence" -> all he said was she seemed "comfortable" on stage
Yeah, when I wrote it, I was in a hurry and couldn't really think of another word. What about "surprised"? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
make Twain's naysayers alter their perception of her, making them realize -> its a dragging idea. Trim it down
Done.
noted the band's differences from that of a usual country band and wanted a more country-influenced sound -> so vague
The section is big as is. I really didn't want to make it longer by going into detail with that. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Twain's incorporation of the audience -> Um, you don't incorporate an audience. They are there....
The reviewer said that. And yes, you can incorporate the audience in your performances. It's not too common to see artists bring their fans onstage and stuff. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
naming it her "inimitable style" -> doesn't make sense with the above quote
See above. I gave options. Don't really know which one to chose. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
He complimented the band's strong, yet rote efforts -> what?
The reviewer also says this: "Twain's nine-member backing band delivered strong but rote renditions of her hits" --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
This section need significant trimming and grammar fixes
Sorry for the short delay. I decided that in light of recent events, I will still complete the review. I'm not going to just abandon it. Posting soon :)--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:48, 13 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Round One
Lead
The concert itself differed from those of the Up! Tour (2003–04) -> The concert itself differed from that of the Up! Tour (2003–04)
I think it should be those, as there are multiple concerts on tour. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 21:20, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Actually, we are talking about the concerts synopsis and structure, so no, that wouldn't be plural.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
Behind-the-scenes footage was filmed in the same week where Twain visited local landmarks and events -> comma needed
Done.
it featured additional performances void from the television presentation, -> not included in the
What I wrote is the same thing except re-worded...--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
Up! Live in Chicago' was
Up! Live in Chicago' was also a commercial success -> This sentence is a mixture of PEACOCK and NPOV; we don't need for you to tell us that, just stick with the facts
Done.
It was also certified platinum in Australia -> refrain from little choppy sentences like this
I don't think there's anything wrong with having this particular sentence (just to have a good mixture of lengths with sentences). When all sentences all long, it can be a bit overwhelming for the reader, and, of course, when they are all short, it can be choppy and difficult to read. I don't know. That's just my opinion. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 21:20, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
I understand. But for "well-written" prose, we try and refrain from choppy and small sentences that can easily be merged into another. But now at that. Why mention Australia and not Austria or Brazil? I would understand the US, being that its the largest market by far, but having those two is just an inconsistency.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
The video was also source to the music videos for Twain's singles -> Doesn't read very well
Done.
Background
Three and a half years apart from her previous concert, -> Over three years after filming her previous concert,
No, she had three and a half years without performing a live show. Is "Over three and a half years after performing previous concert" O.K.? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Still doesn't read well. "After performing previous concert"?--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
What about "Three and a half years after her last live concert"? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 00:06, 26 August 2011 (UTC)reply
three outdoor concerts between Europe and North America -> I know you have "in" right after, but between isn't the best word here
Done.
three outdoor concerts -> I don't understand, isn't it a complete tour?
No, it wasn't a tour. She performed three concerts to promote her album before her actual tour started. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
That's the thing. You have to make this clear enough from the way its written. ou won't be there to explain this to every reader.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Twain scheduled the trek primarily because of her prolonged absence from live performances and to ensure playing a concert in the United States prior to her Up! Tour, which was to commence in September 2003 in Europe (although it ultimately did so in North America) -> very run-on and difficult to understand. Try to simplify
Still doesn't make sense. The Up! Tour extensively visited the US, so saying that she wanted to guarantee a visit here does't make sense.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Yes, but apparently, the tour was at first going to start in Europe, and she wanted to ensure a concert in the US
She said, "With the tour starting in September, I didn't want to miss the summer without staging a concert in the U.S. After living with these 19 songs [from Up!] and going through the recording process, it's time to get on stage and perform them -> I still don't quite understand. She had a tour? Three shows?
You must clarify for the issues above that the reason she wanted to perform in the US is because she wanted to schedule a concert during the summer. You didn't write that. Now it kind of makes sense.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
maintain it in an energized spirit -> re-word
Done.
Okay, so as of the first paragraph, I am unclear as whether she was on a regular tour, or the three shows, or anything. A lot needs to be clarified
crossover history that could expand on the number of viewers -> expand? re-word
Done.
The concert was attended by over 50,000 people -> Was it free? This sentence begins the same as the previous one. Also, refrain from these choppt sentences
Yes, it was free. It was in the first sentence of the second paragraph. Also, I tried to change "the concert" to "it", but when I did, it seemed kind of unclear as to what "it" was referring to. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
There are many other adjective you could use. That in itself would make reading more concise.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
Concert synopsis
in an specific
Done.
not performed in an specific format from the three studio versions of the album -> you lost me there
Well, maybe you don't know, but Up! was released under three formats: Blue (World music), Green (Country), and Red (Pop). It was all in one packaging, but with multiple CDs. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
ended with the performance "I'm Gonna Getcha Good!"
Done.
Concluding with the performance -> a
Done.
proceeded to terminate the show -> lol, terminate is a bit harsh
Lol. Yeah, when I put it, I thought of Terminator. What about "ceased"? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
There is no link. There articles for specials from her residency shows, but it's not the same. This was a live broadcast, and there's no link for it. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Reception
had not attended a concert of Twain's, nor had seen the television special, and was awed by the singer's stage presence -> If he didn't watch it or attend, then how did he review it?
He reviewed the home release
The television special is the home release, just not seen on television. Its still a television special. Also, you would have to make that clear.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Not that it's run-on, but it doesn't read well. Alter opinion, leaving them to realize. These are not flowing prose.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
I know. Its incorrect. The would be if you spell it out. When you have it abbreviated, it doesn't make sense.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
noted the band's differences from that of a usual country band and expressed his desire for a more country-influenced sound. -> repetitious; also, I honestly don't completely follow
Is it clearer? I think so, but I don't think it is less repetitious. It still says "country" twice, but I don't think there's a way to evade that. Any suggestions? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Somewhat, yes. Maybe "southern"? "And was left wanting" is better.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
I'm not sure if you are aware, but printed newspapers require the "Cite news" template, which automatically has the publisher appear in parenthesis. This is needed for the first four references etc. Also, some of the works are a bit off. Instead of ARIA.com.au, it would be better to just list it as
ARIA Charts. Also, ABPD.org.br isn't needed, as the publisher is ABPD spelled out. There are several of these instances.
Yes, but the printed sources are used. The online articles are. As far as the work and publisher parameters, I think it is pretty much open to interpretation. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
That latter is fine, but you still need to update the templates. Those are printed sources.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Done.
Comments
I'm placing the article on hold for seven days. Feel free to ask for an extension if needed and appropriate. If you have any queries, questions or any such thing, don't hesitate to ask them here, I have watch-listed this page. Good luck!--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 11:53, 24 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Round Two
I am going to re-read the article and post still-lingering issues here, so there is less confusion.--
CallMeNathan •
Talk2Me 20:14, 29 August 2011 (UTC)reply
Lead
You have to give more of an introduction to the tour. You just go off "It differed from the", which leaves me puzzled
Behind-the-scenes footage was filmed in the same week, when Twain visited local landmarks and events -> was filmed during the same week, and features footage of Twain visiting
Done.
over 8.87 million viewers. Thus, it became the second-most-viewed -> over 8.87 million viewers, becoming the second-most-viewed
Done.
high ratings on television -> high television ratings
on the the television
Done.
I have an issue with the lead sentence that discusses its reception. You should give a full sentence on both its positive and negative aspects (interaction, however some questioned her singing etc.)
Done.
for shipment of 100,000 copies -> s
Done.
Excerpts from Up! Close and Personal were used as the music videos -> Mashed up clips, or the actual performance of the song?
Actual performances, but excerpts can be both. It's specified in the release section if anything. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 03:25, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Background
concert, Twain performed a series of three outdoor concerts -> try not repeating obvious wording within such close proximity
Done.
and to ensure playing a concert in the United States prior to her Up! Tour -> This doesn't make sense. Why? The Up Tour did visit the US
At the time, it was to commence in September 2003 in Europe, although it ultimately did so in North America -> don't quite follow
stating she preferred -> that
with a setlist of twenty-two songs -> composed of
Done.
The singer, the singer -> try mixing it up
Done.
music special, and reached out to Twain about filming the concert, which she accepted -> re-write
Done.
NBC executives sought Twain due to her being a well-established artist with a lengthy career and crossover history that could draw in more viewers -> Due to her being? Re-write
Done.
a program specialized to feed children in America -> I didn't know programs specialize in anything
You don't mention the concert being filmed and produced by Beth McCarthy-Miller anywhere in the prose
Done.
Concert synopsis
several hits -> POV
That's not a POV issue. I've seen countless GA articles call the songs hits. What else would they be called? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
The songs from Up! were not performed in a specific format from the three studio versions of the album -> ?
Did you read the comment I put above? Anyone that knows about the album, knows what that's supposed to mean. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Twain desired to approach the live productions -> desired to approach a song?
performed "No One Needs to Know" playing an -> while
Done.
Concluding with a performance -> concluding what?
the third and final segment of the concert, the encore -> the encore is not a segment. its an unannounced and unofficial part of the show. ust say she returned for the encore
It's not really unofficial. Most artists have a set encore that they do every single show. I don't really get why it's called the encore though. I always thought the same. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Release
The July 27, 2003 concert at Grant Park was announced along with Up! Live in Chicago -> doesn't make sense
I get you. What I mean is that it was announced and they said that it was going to be taped for a special. I re-wrote it, but don't think it makes much of a difference. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
and received high ratings -> any source for this?
Yes. Does becoming the second most watched concert movie on TV count as high ratings? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Up! Live in Chicago was also source to multiple media for singles from Up! -> re-write
I think it's fine. It gets more in detail in the next sentences, so I don't believe it needs to be changed. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Critical reception
You exaggerate the critical quotes from reviewers: "was awed by the singer's stage presence" -> all he said was she seemed "comfortable" on stage
Yeah, when I wrote it, I was in a hurry and couldn't really think of another word. What about "surprised"? --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
make Twain's naysayers alter their perception of her, making them realize -> its a dragging idea. Trim it down
Done.
noted the band's differences from that of a usual country band and wanted a more country-influenced sound -> so vague
The section is big as is. I really didn't want to make it longer by going into detail with that. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
Twain's incorporation of the audience -> Um, you don't incorporate an audience. They are there....
The reviewer said that. And yes, you can incorporate the audience in your performances. It's not too common to see artists bring their fans onstage and stuff. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
naming it her "inimitable style" -> doesn't make sense with the above quote
See above. I gave options. Don't really know which one to chose. --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
He complimented the band's strong, yet rote efforts -> what?
The reviewer also says this: "Twain's nine-member backing band delivered strong but rote renditions of her hits" --
ipodnano05 *
leave@message 04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)reply
This section need significant trimming and grammar fixes