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The article is looking good. A few things to consider:
The article says, "Hardy locked Edge for the Side Effect and both men went flying off the stage and into electrical equipment." Did he actually perform the move? It sounds like he was just preparing to perform it when they both fell off the stage. Either way, this should be more clear.
You should explain the significance of the apple in the Carlito-Flair match. If you read the paragraph from the point of view of someone who doesn't watch wrestling, it wouldn't make sense for a wrestler to leave the ring to eat fruit during a match.
In the same paragraph, you capitalize the F in Figure/figure four leglock once but not the other time. Either way is fine, but it should be consistent.
When you say, "Snitsky then took the upper hand over Big Show, as he applied an armbar hold, blocking a chokeslam attempt by Big Show", did he apply the armbar hold after blocking a chokeslam attempt? It's a little unclear. I tried to fix this, but I couldn't find a mention of it in the references for that paragraph.
I like to avoid parentheses whenever possible, as they disrupt the flow of the text, so in the Hardy-Edge match, I would prefer to take Lita out of the first sentence and then mention her later ("Lita, Edge's manager/valet, began to climb up the outside of the steel cage..." -- I don't know if she would be considered a manager or valet, but I hope this clears up what I'm trying to say).
Parts of the Michaels-Masters match could use some attention. "Masters, however, dominated Michaels" is a weak sentence on its own. Could we add a mention of a move or two that he used to dominate? A casual reader would also be confused as to what Michaels' "signature moves" are. And finally, a mention that Michaels won the match would be good for consistency.
As I mentioned to LAX, it was decided in a discussion on the WP:PW talk page that it is best to try to avoid saying someone "hit" a move. "Performed" is preferred, as it helps avoid "in universe" statements.
One last thing...the first time you mention Michaels' finishing move, you call it "a Sweet Chin Music". The next time, it's just "Sweet Chin Music". I don't care either way, but it should be consistent.
I've managed to fix most of them, but I'm too tired to finish off. I fsomeone else feels like it they can address the above points; if not, I'll see what I can do tomorrow. ♥
Nici♥
Vampire♥
Heart♥
00:30, 7 March 2008 (UTC)reply
This is the
talk page for discussing improvements to the
Unforgiven (2005) article. This is
not a forum for general discussion of the article's subject.
This article links to one or more target anchors that no longer exist.
[[professional wrestling#Disqualification|disqualification]] The anchor (#Disqualification) is no longer available because it was
deleted by a user before.
[[Professional wrestling#Countout|countout]] The anchor (#Countout) is no longer available because it was
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[[Professional wrestling#Submission|submission]] The anchor (#Submission) is no longer available because it was
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[[Professional wrestling#Disqualification|disqualified]] The anchor (#Disqualification) is no longer available because it was
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[[Professional wrestling#Disqualification|disqualification]] The anchor (#Disqualification) is no longer available because it was
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This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
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WikiProjects:
Unforgiven (2005) is within the scope of WikiProject Professional wrestling, an attempt to improve and standardize articles related to
professional wrestling. If you would like to participate, you can edit the article attached to this page, visit the
project to-do page, or visit the
project page, where you can join the project and contribute to
discussions.Professional wrestlingWikipedia:WikiProject Professional wrestlingTemplate:WikiProject Professional wrestlingProfessional wrestling articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Oklahoma, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of the
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The article is looking good. A few things to consider:
The article says, "Hardy locked Edge for the Side Effect and both men went flying off the stage and into electrical equipment." Did he actually perform the move? It sounds like he was just preparing to perform it when they both fell off the stage. Either way, this should be more clear.
You should explain the significance of the apple in the Carlito-Flair match. If you read the paragraph from the point of view of someone who doesn't watch wrestling, it wouldn't make sense for a wrestler to leave the ring to eat fruit during a match.
In the same paragraph, you capitalize the F in Figure/figure four leglock once but not the other time. Either way is fine, but it should be consistent.
When you say, "Snitsky then took the upper hand over Big Show, as he applied an armbar hold, blocking a chokeslam attempt by Big Show", did he apply the armbar hold after blocking a chokeslam attempt? It's a little unclear. I tried to fix this, but I couldn't find a mention of it in the references for that paragraph.
I like to avoid parentheses whenever possible, as they disrupt the flow of the text, so in the Hardy-Edge match, I would prefer to take Lita out of the first sentence and then mention her later ("Lita, Edge's manager/valet, began to climb up the outside of the steel cage..." -- I don't know if she would be considered a manager or valet, but I hope this clears up what I'm trying to say).
Parts of the Michaels-Masters match could use some attention. "Masters, however, dominated Michaels" is a weak sentence on its own. Could we add a mention of a move or two that he used to dominate? A casual reader would also be confused as to what Michaels' "signature moves" are. And finally, a mention that Michaels won the match would be good for consistency.
As I mentioned to LAX, it was decided in a discussion on the WP:PW talk page that it is best to try to avoid saying someone "hit" a move. "Performed" is preferred, as it helps avoid "in universe" statements.
One last thing...the first time you mention Michaels' finishing move, you call it "a Sweet Chin Music". The next time, it's just "Sweet Chin Music". I don't care either way, but it should be consistent.
I've managed to fix most of them, but I'm too tired to finish off. I fsomeone else feels like it they can address the above points; if not, I'll see what I can do tomorrow. ♥
Nici♥
Vampire♥
Heart♥
00:30, 7 March 2008 (UTC)reply