A fact from Ughill Hall shootings appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the Did you know column on 10 November 2017 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
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I'm glad to see that the article now cites a secondary source, the book published by Hachette, rather than being totally reliant on news reports and parliamentary documents. Another potential secondary source, if anyone can get hold of the full text, is
ISBN9781856282376, starting at page 43.
86.17.222.157 (
talk)
09:04, 18 October 2017 (UTC)reply
Happy to take this review. Just by doing a quick overview, I can tell the article is well-written, properly uses reliable sources, and conforms to the appropriate layout. My review will consist of 2 parts. On the first one, I will go over any grammatical/spelling mistakes. On the second part, I will go over each source individually and check that the text is supported by them. Should not take me more than a few days. Please feel free to disagree with any of my suggestions. Thanks for writing this and I look forward to reviewing it. Big thanks,
MX (
✉ •
✎)
14:56, 28 October 2017 (UTC)reply
The Ughill Hall shootings occurred on 21 September 1986 at Ughill Hall in Bradfield near Sheffield. – I have a question about this first sentence. Is the shooting universally known as the "Ughill Hall shootings"? I'm affraid it might violate
MOS:BOLDAVOID: "If the article's title does not lend itself to being used easily and naturally in the opening sentence, the wording should not be distorted in an effort to include it. Instead, simply describe the subject in normal English, avoiding redundancy." (see the Mississippi example).
in Bradfield near Sheffield. – Add "United Kingdom" after Sheffield to internationalize it for our foreign readers. Moving forward we can keep Sheffield.
which he led her into Christopher's bedroom and shot her twice in the head – Who is Christopher? He is mentioned as Ledez’s son in the following sentence, but he should be introduced on his first mention.
The lead paragraph already identified Christopher as Ledez's son.
surprise for him then shot him twice in the head – “before shooting him twice in the head. Wood then bludgeoned him with …”
The police went to the mansion on the evening of 22 September 1986 after receiving Wood's first telephone call – I’m a bit confused. Why did Wood call the police? Did he tell them he killed them, or did he just call the police to come to the house.
Wood was mentally unstable so speculating the reason for his calls to the police would probably not be a good idea. However, I've re-worded it a bit to clarify it as it could be read to suggest that he called several times before the bodies were discovered, whereas sources indicate he did so only once. DrStrausstalk21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)reply
placed on life support having survived without medical – “placed on life support after surviving without …”
By 26 September 1986 he had made at least eight phone calls and made three more in the following evening – three more that evening, or the next day? Because the following sentence says he called Tunney four more times the next day.
Wood made three more calls to Tunney and threatened suicide in one of them and claimed he killed because – “and threatened to commit suicide in one of them; he claimed he killed …”
but the prosecution claimed the sum could have been £150,000. – was this claim made after he pleaded guilty, or during the initial charge? If it was done when he was first charged, then I would move this part to the first mention of the 84K in the previous paragraph.
General comments: I'm not able to access most sources since they are offline, so I'll have to accept good faith on this one. Question for the nominator: do you have the print versions of these sources? I don't need them for the review, but you never know when someone down the road requests them. Make sure to have them on file for future references. Also, please double check you're not leaving out the newspaper editor in each of the articles, if there was one. Now, moving on:
"Ian Wood murdered Danielle Lloyd and Stephanie Lloyd".www.blackkalendar.nl. – Is this a reliable source? If so, please explain why and add the publisher.
Hanmer, Jalna; Saunders, Sheila (1993). Women, violence and crime prevention: a West Yorkshire study. p. 43. – This needs publisher and ISBN, use
this for your reference.
"When a suicide pact becomes a case of manslaughter". The Telegraph. 15 January 2005. – Author needed. The references should also be a “cite newspaper”, not “cite web”, and The Telegraph should be under newspaper, not publisher.
"Murderer is kept on roll of solicitors". www.theguardian.com. Retrieved17 October 2017. – Needs author and newspaper
UK Parliament. Firearms (Amendment) Act 1988 as amended (see alsoenacted form), from legislation.gov.uk. – Are these sources dead? I cannot retrieve them.
UK Parliament. Homicide Act as amended (see also enacted form), from legislation.gov.uk. – Is it me or are the two sources used dead? I am not able to access them or retrieve them from Wayback Machine.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
A fact from Ughill Hall shootings appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the Did you know column on 10 November 2017 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Crime and Criminal Biography, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of Crime and Criminal Biography articles on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Crime and Criminal BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject Crime and Criminal BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Crime and Criminal BiographyCrime-related articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Death, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Death on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.DeathWikipedia:WikiProject DeathTemplate:WikiProject DeathDeath articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject France, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
France on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.FranceWikipedia:WikiProject FranceTemplate:WikiProject FranceFrance articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Sheffield, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Sheffield on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.SheffieldWikipedia:WikiProject SheffieldTemplate:WikiProject SheffieldSheffield articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject United Kingdom, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of the
United Kingdom on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.United KingdomWikipedia:WikiProject United KingdomTemplate:WikiProject United KingdomUnited Kingdom articles
Ughill Hall shootings is within the scope of WikiProject Yorkshire, an attempt to build a comprehensive and detailed guide to
Yorkshire on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, you can visit the project page, where you can join the project, see a list of open tasks, and join in discussions on the project's talk page.YorkshireWikipedia:WikiProject YorkshireTemplate:WikiProject YorkshireYorkshire articles
I'm glad to see that the article now cites a secondary source, the book published by Hachette, rather than being totally reliant on news reports and parliamentary documents. Another potential secondary source, if anyone can get hold of the full text, is
ISBN9781856282376, starting at page 43.
86.17.222.157 (
talk)
09:04, 18 October 2017 (UTC)reply
Happy to take this review. Just by doing a quick overview, I can tell the article is well-written, properly uses reliable sources, and conforms to the appropriate layout. My review will consist of 2 parts. On the first one, I will go over any grammatical/spelling mistakes. On the second part, I will go over each source individually and check that the text is supported by them. Should not take me more than a few days. Please feel free to disagree with any of my suggestions. Thanks for writing this and I look forward to reviewing it. Big thanks,
MX (
✉ •
✎)
14:56, 28 October 2017 (UTC)reply
The Ughill Hall shootings occurred on 21 September 1986 at Ughill Hall in Bradfield near Sheffield. – I have a question about this first sentence. Is the shooting universally known as the "Ughill Hall shootings"? I'm affraid it might violate
MOS:BOLDAVOID: "If the article's title does not lend itself to being used easily and naturally in the opening sentence, the wording should not be distorted in an effort to include it. Instead, simply describe the subject in normal English, avoiding redundancy." (see the Mississippi example).
in Bradfield near Sheffield. – Add "United Kingdom" after Sheffield to internationalize it for our foreign readers. Moving forward we can keep Sheffield.
which he led her into Christopher's bedroom and shot her twice in the head – Who is Christopher? He is mentioned as Ledez’s son in the following sentence, but he should be introduced on his first mention.
The lead paragraph already identified Christopher as Ledez's son.
surprise for him then shot him twice in the head – “before shooting him twice in the head. Wood then bludgeoned him with …”
The police went to the mansion on the evening of 22 September 1986 after receiving Wood's first telephone call – I’m a bit confused. Why did Wood call the police? Did he tell them he killed them, or did he just call the police to come to the house.
Wood was mentally unstable so speculating the reason for his calls to the police would probably not be a good idea. However, I've re-worded it a bit to clarify it as it could be read to suggest that he called several times before the bodies were discovered, whereas sources indicate he did so only once. DrStrausstalk21:34, 28 October 2017 (UTC)reply
placed on life support having survived without medical – “placed on life support after surviving without …”
By 26 September 1986 he had made at least eight phone calls and made three more in the following evening – three more that evening, or the next day? Because the following sentence says he called Tunney four more times the next day.
Wood made three more calls to Tunney and threatened suicide in one of them and claimed he killed because – “and threatened to commit suicide in one of them; he claimed he killed …”
but the prosecution claimed the sum could have been £150,000. – was this claim made after he pleaded guilty, or during the initial charge? If it was done when he was first charged, then I would move this part to the first mention of the 84K in the previous paragraph.
General comments: I'm not able to access most sources since they are offline, so I'll have to accept good faith on this one. Question for the nominator: do you have the print versions of these sources? I don't need them for the review, but you never know when someone down the road requests them. Make sure to have them on file for future references. Also, please double check you're not leaving out the newspaper editor in each of the articles, if there was one. Now, moving on:
"Ian Wood murdered Danielle Lloyd and Stephanie Lloyd".www.blackkalendar.nl. – Is this a reliable source? If so, please explain why and add the publisher.
Hanmer, Jalna; Saunders, Sheila (1993). Women, violence and crime prevention: a West Yorkshire study. p. 43. – This needs publisher and ISBN, use
this for your reference.
"When a suicide pact becomes a case of manslaughter". The Telegraph. 15 January 2005. – Author needed. The references should also be a “cite newspaper”, not “cite web”, and The Telegraph should be under newspaper, not publisher.
"Murderer is kept on roll of solicitors". www.theguardian.com. Retrieved17 October 2017. – Needs author and newspaper
UK Parliament. Firearms (Amendment) Act 1988 as amended (see alsoenacted form), from legislation.gov.uk. – Are these sources dead? I cannot retrieve them.
UK Parliament. Homicide Act as amended (see also enacted form), from legislation.gov.uk. – Is it me or are the two sources used dead? I am not able to access them or retrieve them from Wayback Machine.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.