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The Rambling Man (
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10:22, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
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Comments
- Lead is a touch short, I tend to try to find at least one or two things to say from each section in there.
- "was founded by" when and where?
- Link some of the jargon in the lead, like reinforced concrete.
- "the Kahn System" system appears to not be capitalized.
- "president[1] of " odd ref placement, why not at the end of the sentence.
- Maybe link Michigan first time, we're not all Americans.
- "in Youngstown, Ohio at " comma after Ohio.
- "million dollars" inflate.
- "took place because of the" ->"took place to exploit the"?
- "Albert Kahn (Julius' brother)Associates in" what was the actual name??
- " Packard automobile factory plant building number 10" Our article calls it the "Packard Automotive Plant".
- "designed in 1903–05" year ranges need centuries both ends.
- "its construction [7][8][9]" missing punctuation.
- "< This blue print is this building >" nasty, use captions and thumbs for this.
- "produced its steel " why "its"?
- "industry, [12]and" no space between ref and punctuation, space after ref before text.
- ""Kahn Daylight System." [17] " no space.
- " brother Albert, " already linked.
- "Europe and Asia. [16] " no space.
- "with the Kahn System " small s.
- Ref 19 and 20 need to be pp. and en-dash not hyphen separating the page numbers.
- "Further reading" all spaced hyphens should be en-dashes.
- Says it was merged but text says it was bought out, I'm not sure those are the same thing.
That's it for now, so on hold.
The Rambling Man (
Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!)
12:29, 7 March 2021 (UTC)
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-
- Ok, cool, I've made a few little tweaks, and I'm satisfied this is a good article, nice work.
The Rambling Man (
Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!)
20:27, 7 March 2021 (UTC)
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