The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer:
Kavyansh.Singh (
talk ·
contribs)
14:29, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
Nominator:
GhostRiver (
talk ·
contribs) at at
19:53, 25 October 2021 (UTC)
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not) |
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Overall: |
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Lead
Just prior to the 2016–17 NHL season, Flyers general manager Ron Hextall— linking ' general manager' seems over-linking.
but struggled after the interruptions caused by the COVID-19 pandemic— 'struggled' doesn't seem the best word here. Can we rephrase a bit?
Early life
He grew up in Clachan, Ontario,— Just like the lead, I think writing this as just 'Clachan' would suffice. Especially as 'Ontario' has already been mentioned in the previous sentence.
Although began playing— missing 'he'
Playing career
By January,→ "By January 2017,"
After taking a hit against the St. Louis Blues on February 6, however, Konecny was— can remove 'however' and the commas from this sentence
after his battle with the virus— needs to be rephrased.
International play
Konecny made his international debut with a number of performances for Canada in under-18 tournaments in 2014.— pipe 'in under-18 tournaments' to Canada men's national under-18 ice hockey team
against Sweden— the linking makes it appear like WP:EGG
lost to Finland— same as above
Player profile
he has learned to focus on speed and agility over strength— can't say this in Wikipedia's voice
with age, he has learned to temper these impulses and improve his decision-making on plays.— same as above, needs attribution to who considers this.
frequently "chirping" insults— Avoid quoting single words. ( MOS:QUOTEPOV)
Personal life
and has been taught→ "was taught"
Awards and honours
References
Looking good overall, just few minor comments. – Kavyansh.Singh ( talk) 15:29, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer:
Kavyansh.Singh (
talk ·
contribs)
14:29, 28 November 2021 (UTC)
Nominator:
GhostRiver (
talk ·
contribs) at at
19:53, 25 October 2021 (UTC)
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not) |
---|
|
Overall: |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Lead
Just prior to the 2016–17 NHL season, Flyers general manager Ron Hextall— linking ' general manager' seems over-linking.
but struggled after the interruptions caused by the COVID-19 pandemic— 'struggled' doesn't seem the best word here. Can we rephrase a bit?
Early life
He grew up in Clachan, Ontario,— Just like the lead, I think writing this as just 'Clachan' would suffice. Especially as 'Ontario' has already been mentioned in the previous sentence.
Although began playing— missing 'he'
Playing career
By January,→ "By January 2017,"
After taking a hit against the St. Louis Blues on February 6, however, Konecny was— can remove 'however' and the commas from this sentence
after his battle with the virus— needs to be rephrased.
International play
Konecny made his international debut with a number of performances for Canada in under-18 tournaments in 2014.— pipe 'in under-18 tournaments' to Canada men's national under-18 ice hockey team
against Sweden— the linking makes it appear like WP:EGG
lost to Finland— same as above
Player profile
he has learned to focus on speed and agility over strength— can't say this in Wikipedia's voice
with age, he has learned to temper these impulses and improve his decision-making on plays.— same as above, needs attribution to who considers this.
frequently "chirping" insults— Avoid quoting single words. ( MOS:QUOTEPOV)
Personal life
and has been taught→ "was taught"
Awards and honours
References
Looking good overall, just few minor comments. – Kavyansh.Singh ( talk) 15:29, 28 November 2021 (UTC)