The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Introduce Paul Delvaux (‘the Belgian artist Paul Delvaux’); Giorgio de Chirico.
Done
Severed – is synonymous with "decapitated", the person's head was "cut off". Do the sources specify this, or that it was broken off from the statue? Ditto severed in the Subject section.
Changed to "broken off", in line with Jockey 2009 ("...the break at the neck and the accidents it has suffered show that it originally belonged to a statue...")
Tam – should have a surname (here and in the Background section), as the pair were not at this point married.
Added full name and more details.
enchantment – has different meanings, which is implied here?
Not specified in the source, so I turned it into a quotation.
1 Background
at his art dealer Claude Spaak's house in Choisel outside Paris – consider amending to something like ‘with his art dealer Claude Spaak, who lived in Choisel, a small settlement southwest of Paris’, to improve the prose.
I rewrote most of the section. They didn't live with Spaak, he just owned the house, in addition to his home in Paris.
The use of says in this section seems strange, as text (i.e. not speech) follows in each case. Consider rephrasing where it occurs, e.g. Dumas says the combination of classical fragments and modern objects in The Temple is reminiscent - ‘Dumas has described the combination of classical fragments and modern objects in The Temple as being reminiscent’; He says the way Pablo Picasso - ‘He noted the way Pablo Picasso’; Delvaux said they were part - ‘Delvaux described them as being part’; Philippe Jockey says - ‘ Philippe Jockey has observed that’; and says the painting - ‘and has written that the painting’; She says it uses – ‘According to Devillers it uses’.
Changed, hopefully I didn't miss anything.
Le Rêve Transformé (1913) and The Song of Love (1914) by Chirico – ‘Chirico’s Le Rêve Transformé (1913) and The Song of Love (1914)’? (minor point, slightly clearer imo).
Done
Paquet – as this person has died, highlights and compares should read ‘highlighted’ and ‘compared’ respectively.
Done
I would avoid linking triumphal arch in the quote (see
MOS:LINKQUOTE).
Removed the link
Why is it significant that the objects are intact?
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Introduce Paul Delvaux (‘the Belgian artist Paul Delvaux’); Giorgio de Chirico.
Done
Severed – is synonymous with "decapitated", the person's head was "cut off". Do the sources specify this, or that it was broken off from the statue? Ditto severed in the Subject section.
Changed to "broken off", in line with Jockey 2009 ("...the break at the neck and the accidents it has suffered show that it originally belonged to a statue...")
Tam – should have a surname (here and in the Background section), as the pair were not at this point married.
Added full name and more details.
enchantment – has different meanings, which is implied here?
Not specified in the source, so I turned it into a quotation.
1 Background
at his art dealer Claude Spaak's house in Choisel outside Paris – consider amending to something like ‘with his art dealer Claude Spaak, who lived in Choisel, a small settlement southwest of Paris’, to improve the prose.
I rewrote most of the section. They didn't live with Spaak, he just owned the house, in addition to his home in Paris.
The use of says in this section seems strange, as text (i.e. not speech) follows in each case. Consider rephrasing where it occurs, e.g. Dumas says the combination of classical fragments and modern objects in The Temple is reminiscent - ‘Dumas has described the combination of classical fragments and modern objects in The Temple as being reminiscent’; He says the way Pablo Picasso - ‘He noted the way Pablo Picasso’; Delvaux said they were part - ‘Delvaux described them as being part’; Philippe Jockey says - ‘ Philippe Jockey has observed that’; and says the painting - ‘and has written that the painting’; She says it uses – ‘According to Devillers it uses’.
Changed, hopefully I didn't miss anything.
Le Rêve Transformé (1913) and The Song of Love (1914) by Chirico – ‘Chirico’s Le Rêve Transformé (1913) and The Song of Love (1914)’? (minor point, slightly clearer imo).
Done
Paquet – as this person has died, highlights and compares should read ‘highlighted’ and ‘compared’ respectively.
Done
I would avoid linking triumphal arch in the quote (see
MOS:LINKQUOTE).
Removed the link
Why is it significant that the objects are intact?
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.