GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
A good article is—
Criteria | Notes | Result |
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(a) (prose) | Most of the prose is pretty good, but unfortunately the article is so large that a lot needs additional work before it meets GA criteria. The prose is generally clear and usually concise with some notable exceptions.
Clarity is sometimes an issue when editors are trying to write too concisely. There are a few instances of this problem in the article. An early one is found in the "Plot" section. In season 3, are Seth and Summer vying for the same spot at Brown, or two different spots? In "Cast and Characters", Marissa does not leave "the series at the end of season three when her character was subsequently written off by being killed in a car accident". This sentence is impossible. It implies that Marissa leaves the series before her character was killed. Being written off is an extraneous detail, and is implied because the events happen in the show's diegetic world. It should read something like "Barton left the show at the end of season three when her character was killed in a car accident". Some editors seem to be using words because they like the way they sound without knowing quite what they mean. In the second season synopsis, Marissa's relationships are described as "tumultuous", but are they? The literal meaning of this word is close to excited, confused, or disorderly. The writer seems to mean something closer to "dysfunctional". Under "Cast and Characters" Ryan forms "fast bonds" with other characters. Is this supposed to mean he forms bonds quickly (implied) or that he forms strong bonds (as written)? Watch out for this stuff. Just because it sounds good doesn't mean it's right, or clear, or improves the article. The article is unnecessarily wordy at times. In the synopsis of season three, Sandy's "moral compass becomes imperilled" and Ryan "attempts to resolve his individual relationships". The first sentence means that Sandy's (metaphorical) moral compass is in danger, while the second throws an "individual" in there for the hell of it. In plain english, Sandy's morals are challenged, while Ryan sorts out his personal life (demons?). Seth is described as "the awkward adolescent son of Sandy and Kirsten". The adjective "adolescent" is redundant. Seth is the same age as Ryan, Summer, or Marissa. Seth should be "Sandy's and Kirsten's awkward son". There seems to be a lot of confusion in the article about how possessives work. Possessives help us escape the "the / of" construction. Instead of "the husband of Kirsten" or "the wife of Sandy", concision demands "Kirsten's husband" and "Sandy's wife". Four words become two. Again, just because it sounds more formal doesn't mean it's better writing. Unfortunately, I don't have time to list every problem. Be assured there are quite a few, and most take the general forms listed above. Don't assume I've found everything. After my fourth reading, I was still finding new issues. |
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(b) (MoS) | The lead is well written and concise, but incomplete. All it needs is mention of the show's role as musical tastemaker.
Layout is a problem. "Themes and other characteristics" is a generic section and acts as a dumping ground whenever an editor thinks something merits inclusion but doesn't know where else to put it. It needs to be split into "Themes", and probably a second section like "Cultural impact" which should include thinks like Chrismukkah, Music, discussion of fandom, spinoffs, books, and maybe even critical reception (as a sub section). Even the title of this section sticks out like a sore thumb. Also, how is the character list organized? Either list by first appearance or alphabetically by actor, or character name. Trying to rate minor characters is too finicky and prone to bias. Get past it by splitting the list into core cast and recurring minor characters, or by following a rigid organizational scheme. Most of the content of "Complementary media" is so minor in importance I question whether it merits inclusion on the encyclopedia, and should maybe be reduced to a list at the bottom of the article. Due to many, many missing citations, the article has a major problem with words to watch. Any time a word like (but not limited to) "frequently", "often", "many" or "widely" is used, be prepared to back it up with citation. On their own, these are weasel words and under no circumstances should they be used they way they are in this article. For instance, if a sentence starts "She is often characterized" (Julie Cooper, "Cast and Characters"), that claim needs to be backed by three or more citations, or removed immediately. This happens a lot in the article; again, there are too many instances to list, and I kept noticing more. |
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Please add any related discussion here.
Reviewer: Rawlangs ( talk · contribs) 22:58, 22 April 2012 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
A good article is—
Criteria | Notes | Result |
---|---|---|
(a) (prose) | Most of the prose is pretty good, but unfortunately the article is so large that a lot needs additional work before it meets GA criteria. The prose is generally clear and usually concise with some notable exceptions.
Clarity is sometimes an issue when editors are trying to write too concisely. There are a few instances of this problem in the article. An early one is found in the "Plot" section. In season 3, are Seth and Summer vying for the same spot at Brown, or two different spots? In "Cast and Characters", Marissa does not leave "the series at the end of season three when her character was subsequently written off by being killed in a car accident". This sentence is impossible. It implies that Marissa leaves the series before her character was killed. Being written off is an extraneous detail, and is implied because the events happen in the show's diegetic world. It should read something like "Barton left the show at the end of season three when her character was killed in a car accident". Some editors seem to be using words because they like the way they sound without knowing quite what they mean. In the second season synopsis, Marissa's relationships are described as "tumultuous", but are they? The literal meaning of this word is close to excited, confused, or disorderly. The writer seems to mean something closer to "dysfunctional". Under "Cast and Characters" Ryan forms "fast bonds" with other characters. Is this supposed to mean he forms bonds quickly (implied) or that he forms strong bonds (as written)? Watch out for this stuff. Just because it sounds good doesn't mean it's right, or clear, or improves the article. The article is unnecessarily wordy at times. In the synopsis of season three, Sandy's "moral compass becomes imperilled" and Ryan "attempts to resolve his individual relationships". The first sentence means that Sandy's (metaphorical) moral compass is in danger, while the second throws an "individual" in there for the hell of it. In plain english, Sandy's morals are challenged, while Ryan sorts out his personal life (demons?). Seth is described as "the awkward adolescent son of Sandy and Kirsten". The adjective "adolescent" is redundant. Seth is the same age as Ryan, Summer, or Marissa. Seth should be "Sandy's and Kirsten's awkward son". There seems to be a lot of confusion in the article about how possessives work. Possessives help us escape the "the / of" construction. Instead of "the husband of Kirsten" or "the wife of Sandy", concision demands "Kirsten's husband" and "Sandy's wife". Four words become two. Again, just because it sounds more formal doesn't mean it's better writing. Unfortunately, I don't have time to list every problem. Be assured there are quite a few, and most take the general forms listed above. Don't assume I've found everything. After my fourth reading, I was still finding new issues. |
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(b) (MoS) | The lead is well written and concise, but incomplete. All it needs is mention of the show's role as musical tastemaker.
Layout is a problem. "Themes and other characteristics" is a generic section and acts as a dumping ground whenever an editor thinks something merits inclusion but doesn't know where else to put it. It needs to be split into "Themes", and probably a second section like "Cultural impact" which should include thinks like Chrismukkah, Music, discussion of fandom, spinoffs, books, and maybe even critical reception (as a sub section). Even the title of this section sticks out like a sore thumb. Also, how is the character list organized? Either list by first appearance or alphabetically by actor, or character name. Trying to rate minor characters is too finicky and prone to bias. Get past it by splitting the list into core cast and recurring minor characters, or by following a rigid organizational scheme. Most of the content of "Complementary media" is so minor in importance I question whether it merits inclusion on the encyclopedia, and should maybe be reduced to a list at the bottom of the article. Due to many, many missing citations, the article has a major problem with words to watch. Any time a word like (but not limited to) "frequently", "often", "many" or "widely" is used, be prepared to back it up with citation. On their own, these are weasel words and under no circumstances should they be used they way they are in this article. For instance, if a sentence starts "She is often characterized" (Julie Cooper, "Cast and Characters"), that claim needs to be backed by three or more citations, or removed immediately. This happens a lot in the article; again, there are too many instances to list, and I kept noticing more. |
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Please add any related discussion here.
Reviewer: Rawlangs ( talk · contribs) 22:58, 22 April 2012 (UTC)