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Reviewer: Cavie78 ( talk · contribs) 20:06, 25 April 2020 (UTC)
I'll take this one
Cavie78 (
talk)
20:06, 25 April 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks Cavie78! — Hunter Kahn 16:42, 26 April 2020 (UTC)
Lead
- Think it might be worth stating that he first appears in The Mandalorian in the lead
- Do you mean the fact that his first appearance is the episode "The Mandalorian"? If you feel strongly I'll add it, but my preference would be not to do so. The first appearance is already covered in the infobox so I think it would be a bit redundant. Also, since he is only in a handful of episodes as it is, I don't know if we need to call the one out by name. (And if we do so, do we then have to mention his last one as well?) Also, leaving it out would be more consistent with how the other Mandalorian character articles are already written. But let me know what you think... — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Appearances
- "informs the bounty hunter than the target" -> "informs the bounty hunter that the target"
- Changed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- "in which the Mandalorian returns with the captured Child" Suggest rewording to "in which the Mandalorian brings him the captured Child"
- Yes, that is better. Changed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- "They devise a new plan in which Greef and his ally Cara Dune bring the Mandalorian to the Client as if he is a prisoner, after which they would assassinate him" Think it could be made clearer here that Greef and Mando intend to assassinate the client (it could be read as though Greef and Cara Dune plan to assassinate Mando)
- I actually just removed the reference to Cara Dune altogether, as it really isn't necessary anyway. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- "bringing along a transport" think it could be made clearer that this a cot-like transport rather than a ship
- Changed to "compartment", though let me know if you have thoughts on a better word (or feel free to just replace it yourself if you have one). — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Characterization
- "nor had he ever before seen any Star Wars films" -> "nor had he seen any Star Wars films"
- Changed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Filming
- "Favreau and executive producer Dave Filoni shot scenes for the character both with and without the puppet, so they could replace the character with a CGI effect in post-production if the puppet did not look satisfactory." Replace one instance of "the character" with "the Child"
- Done. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- "After Herzog filming a scene with the Child" -> "After Herzog filmed a scene with the Child"
- Oops, lol. Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Reception
- "and has a "unique cadence and screen presence" made him a good fit" -> "and has a "unique cadence and screen presence" which made him a good fit"
- Changed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Merchandise
- Ok
Images
- Look good with appropriate licences
Sources
- All look good
- There's a brief mention of Herzog's performance on the BBC website which you may, or may not, wish to include. It states that "It's a hoot to see [The Mandalorian] leaning into a chilly, German-accented character who wears the insignia of the Empire. The Mandalorian doesn't care; he's a mercenary." :
http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20191112-star-wars-show-the-mandalorian-is-difficult-to-care-about
- Thanks for finding this. I'm not sure it quite fits anywhere; the closest might be adding the "hoot" line to the Reception section, though it's less a statement about the character and more about Mando's interaction with him, and I'm not sure it adds much in any event, so I've left it out for now. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Great article - my concerns are only minor. Placing on hold for now Cavie78 ( talk) 10:31, 27 April 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks for doing the review, Cavie78! — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks Hunter Kahn My point regarding the lead was simply to say "who first appears in the Disney+ television series The Mandalorian", but I take your point. Thanks for writing such an interesting article, happy to promote
| GA toolbox |
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| Reviewing |
Article (
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visual edit |
history) ·
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history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Cavie78 ( talk · contribs) 20:06, 25 April 2020 (UTC)
I'll take this one
Cavie78 (
talk)
20:06, 25 April 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks Cavie78! — Hunter Kahn 16:42, 26 April 2020 (UTC)
Lead
- Think it might be worth stating that he first appears in The Mandalorian in the lead
- Do you mean the fact that his first appearance is the episode "The Mandalorian"? If you feel strongly I'll add it, but my preference would be not to do so. The first appearance is already covered in the infobox so I think it would be a bit redundant. Also, since he is only in a handful of episodes as it is, I don't know if we need to call the one out by name. (And if we do so, do we then have to mention his last one as well?) Also, leaving it out would be more consistent with how the other Mandalorian character articles are already written. But let me know what you think... — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Appearances
- "informs the bounty hunter than the target" -> "informs the bounty hunter that the target"
- Changed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- "in which the Mandalorian returns with the captured Child" Suggest rewording to "in which the Mandalorian brings him the captured Child"
- Yes, that is better. Changed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- "They devise a new plan in which Greef and his ally Cara Dune bring the Mandalorian to the Client as if he is a prisoner, after which they would assassinate him" Think it could be made clearer here that Greef and Mando intend to assassinate the client (it could be read as though Greef and Cara Dune plan to assassinate Mando)
- I actually just removed the reference to Cara Dune altogether, as it really isn't necessary anyway. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- "bringing along a transport" think it could be made clearer that this a cot-like transport rather than a ship
- Changed to "compartment", though let me know if you have thoughts on a better word (or feel free to just replace it yourself if you have one). — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Characterization
- "nor had he ever before seen any Star Wars films" -> "nor had he seen any Star Wars films"
- Changed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Filming
- "Favreau and executive producer Dave Filoni shot scenes for the character both with and without the puppet, so they could replace the character with a CGI effect in post-production if the puppet did not look satisfactory." Replace one instance of "the character" with "the Child"
- Done. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- "After Herzog filming a scene with the Child" -> "After Herzog filmed a scene with the Child"
- Oops, lol. Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Reception
- "and has a "unique cadence and screen presence" made him a good fit" -> "and has a "unique cadence and screen presence" which made him a good fit"
- Changed. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Merchandise
- Ok
Images
- Look good with appropriate licences
Sources
- All look good
- There's a brief mention of Herzog's performance on the BBC website which you may, or may not, wish to include. It states that "It's a hoot to see [The Mandalorian] leaning into a chilly, German-accented character who wears the insignia of the Empire. The Mandalorian doesn't care; he's a mercenary." :
http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20191112-star-wars-show-the-mandalorian-is-difficult-to-care-about
- Thanks for finding this. I'm not sure it quite fits anywhere; the closest might be adding the "hoot" line to the Reception section, though it's less a statement about the character and more about Mando's interaction with him, and I'm not sure it adds much in any event, so I've left it out for now. — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
Great article - my concerns are only minor. Placing on hold for now Cavie78 ( talk) 10:31, 27 April 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks for doing the review, Cavie78! — Hunter Kahn 05:10, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks Hunter Kahn My point regarding the lead was simply to say "who first appears in the Disney+ television series The Mandalorian", but I take your point. Thanks for writing such an interesting article, happy to promote