The section title is “The Mormon Exclusion Law of 1921” but the article body says “passing of a law in 1922”.. Please reconcile
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
The “The Mormon Exclusion Law of 1921” section is written from the Church’s point of view, is there a non-mormon source explaining why the country did this?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“Until 1935, the translation of church materials into the Tongan language was completed by the missionaries” Use active voice. Also, what do you mean that it was completed “until 1945” (as opposed to “in 1935”)?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“Samuela Fakatou and other local leaders” => introduce Fakatou by a description, e.g. local LDS Church leader Samuela Fakatou.
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“The Tongan Mission had to create its own materials for distribution to members and investigators” => I don’t understand this part. Why is the scripture created locally? Who are the “investigators”?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“the request of Tongan mission” is “Tongan mission” a proper noun or not? The capitalization seems different throughout the article.
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
Dunn stated that the prophet was "inspired to call them back". => For those unfamiliar with the context, who is “the prophet” here?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
"a greater percentage than the Church could claim in any other nation in the world." -> You put this in quotes, so state who according to whom this is.
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“Temples” section => Explain in the article what a temple is in LDS context (e.g. how it is different from a regular place of worship)
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“it is tradition for temples in the islands to be adjacent to LDS Church schools” => what does “the islands” refer to?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
The first two paragraph of the “Temples” section was not referenced. There are a lot of numbers, those need to be cited inline.
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
@
JAGrace (BYU): Thanks for the response. Your updates look good, I've considered most of the recommendations addressed, but there are some remaining. Could you take a look on the unstruck bullet points above and act on them?
HaEr48 (
talk)
04:11, 25 March 2017 (UTC)reply
@
HaEr48: I have gone through the four remaining recommendations listed above. The first unstruck point regarding the Quorum of the 12 was something I did add to the article in my first round of edits, but it was removed by another user. Second, I have changed the usage of the "Tongan Mission" to be capitalized as a proper noun when referring to the "Tongan Mission" on its own. However, when referring to a "Tongan mission president", this title is lowercase according to the
MOS:LDS, to avoid the use of jargon regarding church leadership positions. I have edited the article's usage according to this guideline. Third, the point concerning the Golden Jubilee Celebration's time and location was also removed, but I have added the information in with a citation. Lastly, I went through the page's Mission section and added the citations that provided proper supporting evidence. I removed the information that I could not find any evidence for, despite scouring many resources. I hope that my explanation of these last edits was helpful, and please let me know if there is anything else I can do moving forward. Thank you again for your consideration!
JAGrace (BYU) (
talk)
22:16, 29 March 2017 (UTC)reply
The section title is “The Mormon Exclusion Law of 1921” but the article body says “passing of a law in 1922”.. Please reconcile
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
The “The Mormon Exclusion Law of 1921” section is written from the Church’s point of view, is there a non-mormon source explaining why the country did this?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“Until 1935, the translation of church materials into the Tongan language was completed by the missionaries” Use active voice. Also, what do you mean that it was completed “until 1945” (as opposed to “in 1935”)?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“Samuela Fakatou and other local leaders” => introduce Fakatou by a description, e.g. local LDS Church leader Samuela Fakatou.
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“The Tongan Mission had to create its own materials for distribution to members and investigators” => I don’t understand this part. Why is the scripture created locally? Who are the “investigators”?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“the request of Tongan mission” is “Tongan mission” a proper noun or not? The capitalization seems different throughout the article.
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
Dunn stated that the prophet was "inspired to call them back". => For those unfamiliar with the context, who is “the prophet” here?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
"a greater percentage than the Church could claim in any other nation in the world." -> You put this in quotes, so state who according to whom this is.
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“Temples” section => Explain in the article what a temple is in LDS context (e.g. how it is different from a regular place of worship)
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
“it is tradition for temples in the islands to be adjacent to LDS Church schools” => what does “the islands” refer to?
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
The first two paragraph of the “Temples” section was not referenced. There are a lot of numbers, those need to be cited inline.
HaEr48 (
talk)
05:34, 13 March 2017 (UTC)reply
@
JAGrace (BYU): Thanks for the response. Your updates look good, I've considered most of the recommendations addressed, but there are some remaining. Could you take a look on the unstruck bullet points above and act on them?
HaEr48 (
talk)
04:11, 25 March 2017 (UTC)reply
@
HaEr48: I have gone through the four remaining recommendations listed above. The first unstruck point regarding the Quorum of the 12 was something I did add to the article in my first round of edits, but it was removed by another user. Second, I have changed the usage of the "Tongan Mission" to be capitalized as a proper noun when referring to the "Tongan Mission" on its own. However, when referring to a "Tongan mission president", this title is lowercase according to the
MOS:LDS, to avoid the use of jargon regarding church leadership positions. I have edited the article's usage according to this guideline. Third, the point concerning the Golden Jubilee Celebration's time and location was also removed, but I have added the information in with a citation. Lastly, I went through the page's Mission section and added the citations that provided proper supporting evidence. I removed the information that I could not find any evidence for, despite scouring many resources. I hope that my explanation of these last edits was helpful, and please let me know if there is anything else I can do moving forward. Thank you again for your consideration!
JAGrace (BYU) (
talk)
22:16, 29 March 2017 (UTC)reply