"On one occasion at a particular local meet that she was confident of winning, she had her parents attend. However, she lost and was so upset and worried about "losing face" that she asked her parents not to come for future competitions. While she has now overcome that fear, her parents still keep to the "tradition" of not attending her meets in order not to distract her." Needs a reference.
Comment: Footnote 5, which is at the end of the next sentence. Is it necessary to have it at the end of this sentence as well? —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
"It was difficult for her parents to decide to send her to Singapore, and her father was initially against the idea." Why did she go to Singapore? Why was her father against the idea?
Comment: As the article states, she "[reached] the finals of the 50 metres, 100 metres and 200 metres butterfly". I didn't think it was also necessary to say that she didn't win any medals. —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
"She also won a bronze medal at the 100 metres butterfly earlier in the tournament, making a national and Asian mark of 58.96 seconds." Making doesn't sound right. It should be recording.
"bemedalled" Is this a word? I can't see it in the dictionary.
Fixed: This was in the article before I started working on it. I've checked the OED and confirmed that you're right. I've changed this to medalled, as this does appear in the Dictionary. —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Did she pay the taxes or not? It's not clear what the outcome of the controversy was.
Comment: The news reports don't say. I assume she had to because there were no other reports about the Singapore Swimming Association changing their line on this.
Other awards / personal life
Both very stubby, I would merge in with other areas until they can be expanded.
"She is a fan of singer Stefanie Sun." Is this notable? Unless it can be detailed why, I very much don't think so.
Comment: This was also in the article before I started working on it. Will move it to the talk page for the time being. —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
General
Numerals and units, e.g. 50 metres, 57.74 seconds, should be split by non-breaking spaces, e.g. 50 metres. See
WP:MOSNUM.
Comment: Not at the moment. I saw two on Flickr and left messages for the uploaders. One responded to say the copyright in the photograph was held by his employers, a daily newspaper in Singapore. Other Singaporean Wikipedians have made inquiries about the use of the newspaper's photographs on Wikipedia, but (unsurprisingly) their policy is that a fee is payable and there are all sorts of restrictions such as no commercial reuse. So no go there. No response yet from the other uploader. —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Is she still competing in the Olympics, or have her games finished?
A bit to do, but nothing substantial. If you can, the prose may also generally need cleaning up, but it's not going to affect a GA pass / fail, and instead I would suggest a copy edit after the final decision.
Peanut4 (
talk)
20:32, 13 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I'm happy with your responses, and the improvements you've made to the article, so I'm going to pass it. I often make suggestions with GA reviews on how to further improve the article. My main suggestions in this case would be to try and find the answers to those you're currently not sure of as above. Also, while I won't deem it pass / failable action, I also think the 2006 Commonwealth Games should add she didn't win any medals. My own personal feeling is it looks either biased or incomplete not to say.
Also you will obviously need images for further improvements. Well done and best of luck with improving the article.
"On one occasion at a particular local meet that she was confident of winning, she had her parents attend. However, she lost and was so upset and worried about "losing face" that she asked her parents not to come for future competitions. While she has now overcome that fear, her parents still keep to the "tradition" of not attending her meets in order not to distract her." Needs a reference.
Comment: Footnote 5, which is at the end of the next sentence. Is it necessary to have it at the end of this sentence as well? —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
"It was difficult for her parents to decide to send her to Singapore, and her father was initially against the idea." Why did she go to Singapore? Why was her father against the idea?
Comment: As the article states, she "[reached] the finals of the 50 metres, 100 metres and 200 metres butterfly". I didn't think it was also necessary to say that she didn't win any medals. —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
"She also won a bronze medal at the 100 metres butterfly earlier in the tournament, making a national and Asian mark of 58.96 seconds." Making doesn't sound right. It should be recording.
"bemedalled" Is this a word? I can't see it in the dictionary.
Fixed: This was in the article before I started working on it. I've checked the OED and confirmed that you're right. I've changed this to medalled, as this does appear in the Dictionary. —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Did she pay the taxes or not? It's not clear what the outcome of the controversy was.
Comment: The news reports don't say. I assume she had to because there were no other reports about the Singapore Swimming Association changing their line on this.
Other awards / personal life
Both very stubby, I would merge in with other areas until they can be expanded.
"She is a fan of singer Stefanie Sun." Is this notable? Unless it can be detailed why, I very much don't think so.
Comment: This was also in the article before I started working on it. Will move it to the talk page for the time being. —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
General
Numerals and units, e.g. 50 metres, 57.74 seconds, should be split by non-breaking spaces, e.g. 50 metres. See
WP:MOSNUM.
Comment: Not at the moment. I saw two on Flickr and left messages for the uploaders. One responded to say the copyright in the photograph was held by his employers, a daily newspaper in Singapore. Other Singaporean Wikipedians have made inquiries about the use of the newspaper's photographs on Wikipedia, but (unsurprisingly) their policy is that a fee is payable and there are all sorts of restrictions such as no commercial reuse. So no go there. No response yet from the other uploader. —
JackLee10:54, 14 August 2008 (UTC)reply
Is she still competing in the Olympics, or have her games finished?
A bit to do, but nothing substantial. If you can, the prose may also generally need cleaning up, but it's not going to affect a GA pass / fail, and instead I would suggest a copy edit after the final decision.
Peanut4 (
talk)
20:32, 13 August 2008 (UTC)reply
I'm happy with your responses, and the improvements you've made to the article, so I'm going to pass it. I often make suggestions with GA reviews on how to further improve the article. My main suggestions in this case would be to try and find the answers to those you're currently not sure of as above. Also, while I won't deem it pass / failable action, I also think the 2006 Commonwealth Games should add she didn't win any medals. My own personal feeling is it looks either biased or incomplete not to say.
Also you will obviously need images for further improvements. Well done and best of luck with improving the article.