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Reviewer: Kusma ( talk · contribs) 10:30, 16 January 2022 (UTC)
Will review this one over the next couple of days. — Kusma ( talk) 10:30, 16 January 2022 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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Nice article, looks like an interesting game. I haven't played Japanese RPGs much, so I'll read with naive eyes. Images look fine (cover and screenshot both make sense as fair use, and the others are free).
Lead:
a variety of character classes to utilize and strengthenwhat is that supposed to mean? Can a single character use several classes and become more proficient in them? Or does the player use characters of several classes?
Downloadable content were releasedwas
Content and gameplay:
While it makes changes to its gameplay designThe game is not making changes to its gameplay design. Better "While there were changes to its gameplay design" or even better "While Mx Gameplay Designer made changes..."
The Bakram and Galgastani divide Valeria and both oppress the Walister people.divide Valeria among themselves?
Gameplay: Perhaps the image caption of the screenshot could tell us a little bit more what we see on the screen.
pool of magic points which charge updo they start from zero or do they just recharge?
Unit turns are dictated by their speed statistic and current weight, with the level terrain and current weather along with the current character class impacting a unit's range and movement abilitiesdisentangle. Do you mean something like "How many turns a unit has is dictated by the unit's speed statistic and the weight it carries. The terrain and weather and the unit's current character class impact its range and movement abilities"? (one issue here is that "level terrain" sounds like "flat ground").
Victory in battle rewards experience points, ... skill points ... and itemsI couldn't quite parse this sentence. Options I see are "For victory in battle, the player is rewarded by" or "For victory in battle, the game awards" or "Rewards for victory in battle are".
The World system, accessed through the Warren Report databaseWhat is the Warren Report database?
Development:
Due to fan and staff demands, Hiroshi Minagawa suggested it and the project was approved-> "A remake had been demanded both by fans and staff, and [Square Enix management?] then approved the project on suggestion of Hiroshi Minagawa"? (further wordsmithing could help)
straight remake ... remake without alterationsa bit repetitive. You could tighten the whole Matsuno story a bit "Matsuno initially turned down the offer, as he did not want to work on a straight remake, but accepted after Minagawa decided to adapt the game for a modern audience". It is also not clear why Matsuno is "free from other obligations" when we have just been told he is working for Sega.
coordinate with the teamnot just "coordinate the team"?
to provide an equivalent intimate viewing experience to televisions at the time of the original's releaseequivalent to what? why would televisions want an intimate experience?
increasing the party numberincreasing the party size, or increasing the number of parties?
reworking the class system to be both more varied and strengthen independent of individual units
They includedwho?
Character recruitment was also rebalanced, although it ended up being more difficult than in the original.if "character recruitment" is important it should probably be mentioned in the Gameplay section.
It was decided to keep the graphics faithful to the original, although the team did not want to be too faithful in case the final product looked "cheap".So was this decided (by whom?) against the team's wishes?
The increased resolution and hardware specificationsof what?
preserve the style, but expand upon it using additional orchestrationhow does orchestration expand the style? Or do you just mean "preserve the style and add more complex orchestration" or something?
who had a positive association with Sakimotowhat does that mean? Did they work together successfully previously, or was this nepotism?
One of them was for Hamilton's music box. The original was fairly dark fitting with a scene where the music box featured, while the new version was written to be more believable as a love token from Hamilton's deceased wifeI guess Hamilton has been mentioned above, but why does he have a music box and what does it do in the game? The second sentence needs to be copyedited (at least tense and commas)
Release:
It was released on November 11, 2010"It" looks like it refers to "Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen".
and a fan book ... released in Julyeither "was released" or remove "released" as we had "was released as the verb of the previous part. "Release" is a transitive verb.
It released in North America on February 15, 2011Is "it" the trailer or the game? Also, "release" can't be used as an intransitive verb.
They used the Hittite civilization as a reference, but mixing accessible parts with the Byzantium influence due to a lack of general knowledge about Hittite writingEr, do you mean they wanted to use Hittite civilization as a reference, but didn't find enough about it and hence mixed what they found with things about Byzantium? Do they use Byzantium here as the pre-Constantinople city, or to mean the Byzantine empire?
character name changesare these changes between the Japanese and the English version of this game, or between different versions?
used the game's tarot card theming as a "touchstone" for the dialogue's tonewhat does that mean?
Reception:
sales of over 176,000 unitsin which period of time? first day??
principally gave praised to"gave praise to" or "praised"
bredthbreadth
its story delivery undermining some of the major story beatsI don't know what a "story beat" is, and would suggest to either drop the "undermining..." part or to explain how it undermines anything.
and Ellis found the writing style dragged despite strong narrative payoffs.I don't understand this
PlayStaiontypo
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Reviewer: Kusma ( talk · contribs) 10:30, 16 January 2022 (UTC)
Will review this one over the next couple of days. — Kusma ( talk) 10:30, 16 January 2022 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
|
Nice article, looks like an interesting game. I haven't played Japanese RPGs much, so I'll read with naive eyes. Images look fine (cover and screenshot both make sense as fair use, and the others are free).
Lead:
a variety of character classes to utilize and strengthenwhat is that supposed to mean? Can a single character use several classes and become more proficient in them? Or does the player use characters of several classes?
Downloadable content were releasedwas
Content and gameplay:
While it makes changes to its gameplay designThe game is not making changes to its gameplay design. Better "While there were changes to its gameplay design" or even better "While Mx Gameplay Designer made changes..."
The Bakram and Galgastani divide Valeria and both oppress the Walister people.divide Valeria among themselves?
Gameplay: Perhaps the image caption of the screenshot could tell us a little bit more what we see on the screen.
pool of magic points which charge updo they start from zero or do they just recharge?
Unit turns are dictated by their speed statistic and current weight, with the level terrain and current weather along with the current character class impacting a unit's range and movement abilitiesdisentangle. Do you mean something like "How many turns a unit has is dictated by the unit's speed statistic and the weight it carries. The terrain and weather and the unit's current character class impact its range and movement abilities"? (one issue here is that "level terrain" sounds like "flat ground").
Victory in battle rewards experience points, ... skill points ... and itemsI couldn't quite parse this sentence. Options I see are "For victory in battle, the player is rewarded by" or "For victory in battle, the game awards" or "Rewards for victory in battle are".
The World system, accessed through the Warren Report databaseWhat is the Warren Report database?
Development:
Due to fan and staff demands, Hiroshi Minagawa suggested it and the project was approved-> "A remake had been demanded both by fans and staff, and [Square Enix management?] then approved the project on suggestion of Hiroshi Minagawa"? (further wordsmithing could help)
straight remake ... remake without alterationsa bit repetitive. You could tighten the whole Matsuno story a bit "Matsuno initially turned down the offer, as he did not want to work on a straight remake, but accepted after Minagawa decided to adapt the game for a modern audience". It is also not clear why Matsuno is "free from other obligations" when we have just been told he is working for Sega.
coordinate with the teamnot just "coordinate the team"?
to provide an equivalent intimate viewing experience to televisions at the time of the original's releaseequivalent to what? why would televisions want an intimate experience?
increasing the party numberincreasing the party size, or increasing the number of parties?
reworking the class system to be both more varied and strengthen independent of individual units
They includedwho?
Character recruitment was also rebalanced, although it ended up being more difficult than in the original.if "character recruitment" is important it should probably be mentioned in the Gameplay section.
It was decided to keep the graphics faithful to the original, although the team did not want to be too faithful in case the final product looked "cheap".So was this decided (by whom?) against the team's wishes?
The increased resolution and hardware specificationsof what?
preserve the style, but expand upon it using additional orchestrationhow does orchestration expand the style? Or do you just mean "preserve the style and add more complex orchestration" or something?
who had a positive association with Sakimotowhat does that mean? Did they work together successfully previously, or was this nepotism?
One of them was for Hamilton's music box. The original was fairly dark fitting with a scene where the music box featured, while the new version was written to be more believable as a love token from Hamilton's deceased wifeI guess Hamilton has been mentioned above, but why does he have a music box and what does it do in the game? The second sentence needs to be copyedited (at least tense and commas)
Release:
It was released on November 11, 2010"It" looks like it refers to "Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen".
and a fan book ... released in Julyeither "was released" or remove "released" as we had "was released as the verb of the previous part. "Release" is a transitive verb.
It released in North America on February 15, 2011Is "it" the trailer or the game? Also, "release" can't be used as an intransitive verb.
They used the Hittite civilization as a reference, but mixing accessible parts with the Byzantium influence due to a lack of general knowledge about Hittite writingEr, do you mean they wanted to use Hittite civilization as a reference, but didn't find enough about it and hence mixed what they found with things about Byzantium? Do they use Byzantium here as the pre-Constantinople city, or to mean the Byzantine empire?
character name changesare these changes between the Japanese and the English version of this game, or between different versions?
used the game's tarot card theming as a "touchstone" for the dialogue's tonewhat does that mean?
Reception:
sales of over 176,000 unitsin which period of time? first day??
principally gave praised to"gave praise to" or "praised"
bredthbreadth
its story delivery undermining some of the major story beatsI don't know what a "story beat" is, and would suggest to either drop the "undermining..." part or to explain how it undermines anything.
and Ellis found the writing style dragged despite strong narrative payoffs.I don't understand this
PlayStaiontypo