This has been in the GA queue for almost half a year, so it really is high time somebody reviewed it. It's an interesting article that from a superficial look seems to be very well written and researched.
Lead
I'm not sure the term "leftist" is suitable for a GA, it could be interpreted as being disparaging. Perhaps saying "being involved in
left-wing politics" would be better, but even then, I can't help thinking even that is just a euphemism for "being involved in
communism", which is a far more obvious reason to deny someone access to the US in 1951.
While I can see the event was widely publicised at the time, have there been any retrospective views, most obviously anything post cold-war that would re-evaluate the situation?
Hi, thanks for starting the review. As a co-creator of the page, I will try to answer your questions. I changed the lead per your suggestion. I'm not sure if we can find any retrospective views that aren't already sourced in the article; the incident of the Symphony Six is recorded in books or mentioned in "50th anniversary reviews" as a historical occurrence.
Yoninah (
talk)
18:44, 1 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"In 1951-52 it received only CA$56,000 in donations and grants" - do we know what a typical figure for donations and grants was at this time? A comparison of figures might be stronger than saying "only"
"a few of them even left the orchestra to work for the CBC" - I think "even" is redundant here. I'm also unsure about the wikilink to
Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, presumably the musicians were leaving to join the CBC Orchestra, not the television station itself. If that's the case, I'd take the wikilink out - "CBC" by itself is okay
The caption on the image of the
Detroit Masonic Temple should be expanded to explain the picture's relevance to the article (ie: it's the venue the Symphony Six were supposed to be playing at)
"The six musicians had ostensibly" - rather than "ostensibly", I think it would be better to attribute the allegations to a specific body. ie: "The US government reported that the six musicians had etc" This would then lead to "but denied the charges of political involvement" changing to "but the musicians denied the charges of political involvement"
I reworded it as a statement, not as an attribution. I searched a lot but couldn't find a statement from the US immigration department.
Yoninah (
talk)
00:34, 2 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"Keetbaas could not recall any association with left-wing groups" - I can't find this claim in the source given
"Many people wrote letters to the orchestra and some subscribers" - not sure what "subscribers" means in this context
Orchestras sell subscriptions for the season and for concert series, much like baseball teams sell season tickets. I added a link for
subscriptions and removed the word "subscribers".
Yoninah (
talk)
00:34, 2 January 2015 (UTC)reply
The paragraph relating to the
United Church of Canada and might flow better if merged with another one
"His [Sir Ernest MacMillan] correspondence, however, indicates that he supported the board's decision not to rehire the six musicians" - this sounds like an interpretation by a third party. I think would be better to qualify exactly who said this (ie: Toronto Symphony historian Richard S. Warren)
"Orchestra members publicly shunned them" - however, in the source given,
Ruth Budd said "a few players were genuinely supportive". That would be worth adding to address the balance and ensure we're reporting from a neutral POV.
I've read through the article now. It is well written, properly sourced and covers the event in good detail. There is very little preventing it from meeting the GA criteria as it stands. Most of my comments are more discussion points than anything else. I'll put the review on hold now pending resolution of the above issues.
Ritchie333(talk)(cont)18:53, 1 January 2015 (UTC)reply
Thank you. I also put in the abbreviation, TSO, as calling it the Toronto Symphony Orchestra over and over was getting unwieldy.
Yoninah (
talk)
00:34, 2 January 2015 (UTC)reply
This has been in the GA queue for almost half a year, so it really is high time somebody reviewed it. It's an interesting article that from a superficial look seems to be very well written and researched.
Lead
I'm not sure the term "leftist" is suitable for a GA, it could be interpreted as being disparaging. Perhaps saying "being involved in
left-wing politics" would be better, but even then, I can't help thinking even that is just a euphemism for "being involved in
communism", which is a far more obvious reason to deny someone access to the US in 1951.
While I can see the event was widely publicised at the time, have there been any retrospective views, most obviously anything post cold-war that would re-evaluate the situation?
Hi, thanks for starting the review. As a co-creator of the page, I will try to answer your questions. I changed the lead per your suggestion. I'm not sure if we can find any retrospective views that aren't already sourced in the article; the incident of the Symphony Six is recorded in books or mentioned in "50th anniversary reviews" as a historical occurrence.
Yoninah (
talk)
18:44, 1 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"In 1951-52 it received only CA$56,000 in donations and grants" - do we know what a typical figure for donations and grants was at this time? A comparison of figures might be stronger than saying "only"
"a few of them even left the orchestra to work for the CBC" - I think "even" is redundant here. I'm also unsure about the wikilink to
Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, presumably the musicians were leaving to join the CBC Orchestra, not the television station itself. If that's the case, I'd take the wikilink out - "CBC" by itself is okay
The caption on the image of the
Detroit Masonic Temple should be expanded to explain the picture's relevance to the article (ie: it's the venue the Symphony Six were supposed to be playing at)
"The six musicians had ostensibly" - rather than "ostensibly", I think it would be better to attribute the allegations to a specific body. ie: "The US government reported that the six musicians had etc" This would then lead to "but denied the charges of political involvement" changing to "but the musicians denied the charges of political involvement"
I reworded it as a statement, not as an attribution. I searched a lot but couldn't find a statement from the US immigration department.
Yoninah (
talk)
00:34, 2 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"Keetbaas could not recall any association with left-wing groups" - I can't find this claim in the source given
"Many people wrote letters to the orchestra and some subscribers" - not sure what "subscribers" means in this context
Orchestras sell subscriptions for the season and for concert series, much like baseball teams sell season tickets. I added a link for
subscriptions and removed the word "subscribers".
Yoninah (
talk)
00:34, 2 January 2015 (UTC)reply
The paragraph relating to the
United Church of Canada and might flow better if merged with another one
"His [Sir Ernest MacMillan] correspondence, however, indicates that he supported the board's decision not to rehire the six musicians" - this sounds like an interpretation by a third party. I think would be better to qualify exactly who said this (ie: Toronto Symphony historian Richard S. Warren)
"Orchestra members publicly shunned them" - however, in the source given,
Ruth Budd said "a few players were genuinely supportive". That would be worth adding to address the balance and ensure we're reporting from a neutral POV.
I've read through the article now. It is well written, properly sourced and covers the event in good detail. There is very little preventing it from meeting the GA criteria as it stands. Most of my comments are more discussion points than anything else. I'll put the review on hold now pending resolution of the above issues.
Ritchie333(talk)(cont)18:53, 1 January 2015 (UTC)reply
Thank you. I also put in the abbreviation, TSO, as calling it the Toronto Symphony Orchestra over and over was getting unwieldy.
Yoninah (
talk)
00:34, 2 January 2015 (UTC)reply