“ In 1972, the University of Natal barred him from further study” : this sounds coming out-of-nowhere. Does the source say why? Perhaps because of his activism or his falling grades?
“Biko developed SASO's ideology of "Black Consciousness" in conversation with other black student leaders”: please describe what this ideology of Black Consciousness is? The phrase is used a lot of times, but it's unclear what it entails.
“The banning order prevented Biko from working officially for the BC Programs”: Why is “Programs” capitalized? Also, might be worth it to use the full form of BC since this acronym hasn’t been used for a while at this point.
The main source cited (Mangcu) capitalises these as "Black Community Programmes" so I have followed that example. I have made sure that the full form is used.
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
14:14, 16 June 2017 (UTC)reply
“from the BCM headquarters in Leopold Street”: use “Black Consciousness Movement (BCM)”, so that people know what this acronym stands for?
“Ntskiki bore Biko a second child, this time a son “: you haven’t mentioned the first child,saying “a second child, this time a son” is awkward. Maybe mention the first child in too in the preceding prose? Also, the wife name is sometimes spelled “Ntskiki” and sometimes “Ntsiki”, please clarify
“I would like to see groups such as the ANC, PAC, and Black Consciousness”: Maybe give full form and link for ANC in this first mention.
Good idea. I've actually added it not in this particular quote but in the explanation that follows in the sentence afterwards; there we are able to use "African National Congress" rather than just "ANC".
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
12:59, 14 June 2017 (UTC)reply
"One Azania, One Nation": explain/link Azania, or explain what this slogan means?
There is already a link to
Azania here. I also wonder if a brief explanation might be in order, but the sources used do not actually specify any particular connection between Biko and this term, which is a shame.
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
14:04, 16 June 2017 (UTC)reply
Yeah, I went and added the link
“ the women whom he had sexual relations with, with the latter including white women”: not sure whether “the latter” fits here?
I've reworded this sentence as "He displayed no racial prejudice when it came to the women whom he had sexual relations with, sleeping with both black and white women.".
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
12:30, 14 June 2017 (UTC)reply
Biko also came to be closely associated with Fanon: add a brief description of Fanon? E.g. “Martinique-born author Franz Fanon”
I see what you mean, but Fanon has already been mentioned several times at earlier points in the article. What I have done is introduced Fanon as "Martinique-born" at an earlier point in the article rather than at the position that you quote. Do you think that this works?
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
12:14, 14 June 2017 (UTC)reply
Overall, interesting & informative article. Generally well-written (subject to comment above), well sourced, no OR or copyvio detected, good coverage, neutral, stable. Illustrated by image and the fair use rationale for the infobox picture is valid.
HaEr48 (
talk)
02:18, 14 June 2017 (UTC)reply
@
Midnightblueowl: Thanks. I considered all the above comments addressed. I went through the article one more time and noticed that the lead says Biko used the term "blacks" in reference not just to Bantu-speaking Africans but also Coloureds and Indians. This is implied somewhat in several places in the article, but the article never explicitly describe this view. Can we add it, with source? Sorry for sneaking this comment at the end.
HaEr48 (
talk)
02:33, 21 June 2017 (UTC)reply
“ In 1972, the University of Natal barred him from further study” : this sounds coming out-of-nowhere. Does the source say why? Perhaps because of his activism or his falling grades?
“Biko developed SASO's ideology of "Black Consciousness" in conversation with other black student leaders”: please describe what this ideology of Black Consciousness is? The phrase is used a lot of times, but it's unclear what it entails.
“The banning order prevented Biko from working officially for the BC Programs”: Why is “Programs” capitalized? Also, might be worth it to use the full form of BC since this acronym hasn’t been used for a while at this point.
The main source cited (Mangcu) capitalises these as "Black Community Programmes" so I have followed that example. I have made sure that the full form is used.
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
14:14, 16 June 2017 (UTC)reply
“from the BCM headquarters in Leopold Street”: use “Black Consciousness Movement (BCM)”, so that people know what this acronym stands for?
“Ntskiki bore Biko a second child, this time a son “: you haven’t mentioned the first child,saying “a second child, this time a son” is awkward. Maybe mention the first child in too in the preceding prose? Also, the wife name is sometimes spelled “Ntskiki” and sometimes “Ntsiki”, please clarify
“I would like to see groups such as the ANC, PAC, and Black Consciousness”: Maybe give full form and link for ANC in this first mention.
Good idea. I've actually added it not in this particular quote but in the explanation that follows in the sentence afterwards; there we are able to use "African National Congress" rather than just "ANC".
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
12:59, 14 June 2017 (UTC)reply
"One Azania, One Nation": explain/link Azania, or explain what this slogan means?
There is already a link to
Azania here. I also wonder if a brief explanation might be in order, but the sources used do not actually specify any particular connection between Biko and this term, which is a shame.
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
14:04, 16 June 2017 (UTC)reply
Yeah, I went and added the link
“ the women whom he had sexual relations with, with the latter including white women”: not sure whether “the latter” fits here?
I've reworded this sentence as "He displayed no racial prejudice when it came to the women whom he had sexual relations with, sleeping with both black and white women.".
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
12:30, 14 June 2017 (UTC)reply
Biko also came to be closely associated with Fanon: add a brief description of Fanon? E.g. “Martinique-born author Franz Fanon”
I see what you mean, but Fanon has already been mentioned several times at earlier points in the article. What I have done is introduced Fanon as "Martinique-born" at an earlier point in the article rather than at the position that you quote. Do you think that this works?
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
12:14, 14 June 2017 (UTC)reply
Overall, interesting & informative article. Generally well-written (subject to comment above), well sourced, no OR or copyvio detected, good coverage, neutral, stable. Illustrated by image and the fair use rationale for the infobox picture is valid.
HaEr48 (
talk)
02:18, 14 June 2017 (UTC)reply
@
Midnightblueowl: Thanks. I considered all the above comments addressed. I went through the article one more time and noticed that the lead says Biko used the term "blacks" in reference not just to Bantu-speaking Africans but also Coloureds and Indians. This is implied somewhat in several places in the article, but the article never explicitly describe this view. Can we add it, with source? Sorry for sneaking this comment at the end.
HaEr48 (
talk)
02:33, 21 June 2017 (UTC)reply