Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and was released for Xbox on December 6, 2004 - The Xbox. You need a pronoun.
Like its predecessor, it is set in the Star Wars universe 4,000 years before the Star Wars films - Can it be more specific? Which Star Wars film?
follows the story of The Exile: a Jedi Knight who was exiled from the Jedi Order. - You should use a comma instead of a colon
which were noted to be more grey than in the original Knights of the Old Republic. - "in" is not necessary
However, the game received criticism for being too similar to the first game of the series in terms of graphics and gameplay systems - I don't think you really need to call the original Knights of the Old Republic as "the first game in the series". You can just call it "predecessor"
You can add more details about the game's development to the lead.
Body
It is a first-person game or a third-person game?
Combat and interactions with the environment and NPCs - Do not short form
non-playable characters unless it was mentioned before. You can also wikilink it
The game starts with a character creation screen with several choices to make - Can briefly describe what choices you can make
Along with the Force powers from the first game of the series, there are 30 new ones in Knights of the Old Republic II - A very brief description of what "Force powers" are will be better. Does this sentence also means that the force powers from the original return here? If that is the case, it isn't represented clearly here.
The combat has been mostly unchanged from the original game of the series to Knights of the Old Republic II. - I prefer using "predecessor" to replace "the original game of the series". It is much simpler. Something like "The combat of Knights of the Old Republic II is identical to its predecessor"
Each of them is useful for a different situation - How are they useful in different situation?
The player can use a variety of melee and ranged weapons, including guns. - What melee weapons you can use then?
A new addition to the game are "prestige classes": these are extensions of the Jedi classes which were introduced in Knights of the Old Republic. - You can break them up into two different sentences
The game takes place five years after the events of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and 4,000 years before the Star Wars films - Same problem. You need to more specific about which films
non-player character companions - "Non-playable companions" sounds a bit better
The PC then travels to four worlds to find reclusive Jedi Masters and either begs their aid or kills them in revenge over their treatment, depending on player choice. - Refer him as "The Exile" instead of "PC"
When Obsidian were preparing to present Knights of the Old Republic II at E3 - which E3?
Knights of the Old Republic II 's lead artist was Aaron Myers - You need to fill his name in the artist field of the infobox.
he noted that all minigames should have been removed - You can mentioned these mini-games briefly in the gameplay section.
and also said that the game has the best story in a video game since Planescape: Torment (1999) - Year of release is not necessary
You should actually cite the name of the reviewers instead of their organizations. But it doesn't really matter
You did not use the CVG review in the reception section. You should remove it from
Template:Video game reviews.
and reviewers also noticed other issues - Any examples?
However, there is some close paraphrasing. For example, from the GameSpot source: " The prestige classes are extensions of the three Jedi classes introduced in Knights of the Old Republic, allowing you to further specialize in lightsaber combat". Article: "A new addition to the game are "prestige classes": these are extensions of the Jedi classes which were introduced in Knights of the Old Republic. They allow the player character to specialize in lightsaber combat"
Besides that sentence, the only similarities I see between the article and sources are "Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords", "The Sith Lords", "the original", "Force powers" and "Knights of the Old Republic". These phrases can't be changed, so it should be fine.
Overall
Here is the review GA review – see
WP:WIAGA for criteria
Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "
clear and
concise", without
copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:
Great article. However, the article is not specific enough sometimes. And besides that close paraphrasing, everything is fine. I am going to put it on hold for a week. AdrianGamer (
talk)
06:36, 21 June 2015 (UTC)reply
I believe I fixed the issues you've pointed out, let me know if I missed anything. Thanks for taking the time to review this so quickly. --
Markhoris (
talk)
09:07, 21 June 2015 (UTC)reply
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and was released for Xbox on December 6, 2004 - The Xbox. You need a pronoun.
Like its predecessor, it is set in the Star Wars universe 4,000 years before the Star Wars films - Can it be more specific? Which Star Wars film?
follows the story of The Exile: a Jedi Knight who was exiled from the Jedi Order. - You should use a comma instead of a colon
which were noted to be more grey than in the original Knights of the Old Republic. - "in" is not necessary
However, the game received criticism for being too similar to the first game of the series in terms of graphics and gameplay systems - I don't think you really need to call the original Knights of the Old Republic as "the first game in the series". You can just call it "predecessor"
You can add more details about the game's development to the lead.
Body
It is a first-person game or a third-person game?
Combat and interactions with the environment and NPCs - Do not short form
non-playable characters unless it was mentioned before. You can also wikilink it
The game starts with a character creation screen with several choices to make - Can briefly describe what choices you can make
Along with the Force powers from the first game of the series, there are 30 new ones in Knights of the Old Republic II - A very brief description of what "Force powers" are will be better. Does this sentence also means that the force powers from the original return here? If that is the case, it isn't represented clearly here.
The combat has been mostly unchanged from the original game of the series to Knights of the Old Republic II. - I prefer using "predecessor" to replace "the original game of the series". It is much simpler. Something like "The combat of Knights of the Old Republic II is identical to its predecessor"
Each of them is useful for a different situation - How are they useful in different situation?
The player can use a variety of melee and ranged weapons, including guns. - What melee weapons you can use then?
A new addition to the game are "prestige classes": these are extensions of the Jedi classes which were introduced in Knights of the Old Republic. - You can break them up into two different sentences
The game takes place five years after the events of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and 4,000 years before the Star Wars films - Same problem. You need to more specific about which films
non-player character companions - "Non-playable companions" sounds a bit better
The PC then travels to four worlds to find reclusive Jedi Masters and either begs their aid or kills them in revenge over their treatment, depending on player choice. - Refer him as "The Exile" instead of "PC"
When Obsidian were preparing to present Knights of the Old Republic II at E3 - which E3?
Knights of the Old Republic II 's lead artist was Aaron Myers - You need to fill his name in the artist field of the infobox.
he noted that all minigames should have been removed - You can mentioned these mini-games briefly in the gameplay section.
and also said that the game has the best story in a video game since Planescape: Torment (1999) - Year of release is not necessary
You should actually cite the name of the reviewers instead of their organizations. But it doesn't really matter
You did not use the CVG review in the reception section. You should remove it from
Template:Video game reviews.
and reviewers also noticed other issues - Any examples?
However, there is some close paraphrasing. For example, from the GameSpot source: " The prestige classes are extensions of the three Jedi classes introduced in Knights of the Old Republic, allowing you to further specialize in lightsaber combat". Article: "A new addition to the game are "prestige classes": these are extensions of the Jedi classes which were introduced in Knights of the Old Republic. They allow the player character to specialize in lightsaber combat"
Besides that sentence, the only similarities I see between the article and sources are "Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords", "The Sith Lords", "the original", "Force powers" and "Knights of the Old Republic". These phrases can't be changed, so it should be fine.
Overall
Here is the review GA review – see
WP:WIAGA for criteria
Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "
clear and
concise", without
copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:
Great article. However, the article is not specific enough sometimes. And besides that close paraphrasing, everything is fine. I am going to put it on hold for a week. AdrianGamer (
talk)
06:36, 21 June 2015 (UTC)reply
I believe I fixed the issues you've pointed out, let me know if I missed anything. Thanks for taking the time to review this so quickly. --
Markhoris (
talk)
09:07, 21 June 2015 (UTC)reply