The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Ghosts of Europa ( talk · contribs) Hello! I'm looking forward to reviewing this. 06:31, 3 March 2024 (UTC)
Hi Andrzejbanas! Most of these criteria look good:
Unfortunately, despite meeting most of the criteria, I don't think I can pass this in its current state. The article needs a thorough copy-edit, and I think the Gameplay section in particular needs a substantial rewrite. For example:
Following the new re-arrangements with management with Atari- This implies that I should know what "the new re-arrangements" were, but they haven't been mentioned yet.
Solaris was re-released various versions compilations formats- "in various versions, compilations, and formats"?
the player must destroy the Zylon ships until they all of them are defeated- "they" is out of place, and this seems redundant. Why not "destroy all the Zylon ships"?
Solaris was made with 16K of bank-switching RAM and 256 bytes of RAM- Shouldn't this be 16K of ROM, per the Gamasutra source?
To do this, they must navigate the galactic scanner to explore quadrants in space which leads to either battling enemy Zylon ships in both space or on their occupied planets and visit federation planets to refuel.- I can't parse this sentence. Is this trying to say there are two activities: (Battling Zylon ships in (space or occupied planets)) and (visiting planets to refuel)?
the player controls the surface of the planet shooting aliens and rescuing humans and docking at refueling stations- I don't understand what the player is controlling here. Does the surface of the planet dock at refueling stations?
Federation planets appear with docking stations to refuel the spaceship. If they are invaded by Zylons, the player must shoot all the Zylons on the planet to rescue it. If they miss any of them, they will have to retry.- Is "it" the spaceship, or the planet? Are "they" the planets, or multiple docking stations on a single planet? Does "they miss any of them" mean the player misses the Zylons, or the Zylons miss the docking stations (or the planets)?
They also feature corridors protected by guardians. Once inside, the player must fly over a key to ensure safe passage through it, leading for the Zylon planet to explode- Is "it" the corridor, or the key? Is the player ensuring safe passage for others (e.g. the guardians), or for themselves?
I recommend reading the article out loud, asking someone else to read it, reading the sentences backwards, or otherwise breaking yourself out of the autopilot where your brain already "knows" what the article's trying to say. This article has a solid foundation, but right now it's too difficult to read and understand.
Sorry if this is a disappointing review. Let me know once you've had a chance to clean up the prose, and I'll be happy to take another look! Ghosts of Europa ( talk) 08:27, 3 March 2024 (UTC)
@ Ghosts of Europa:, I've gone through with @ Dcdiehardfan: and did some copy-editing. I can't speak for DC, but I feel the article is in much better shape now. Unless DC says otherwise, I think it could use your reviewer eyes to see what else is needed (if anything) for your review. Andrzejbanas ( talk) 13:56, 9 March 2024 (UTC)
This is in much better shape now. Thanks to both of you for your work on this! Ghosts of Europa ( talk) 05:24, 11 March 2024 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Ghosts of Europa ( talk · contribs) Hello! I'm looking forward to reviewing this. 06:31, 3 March 2024 (UTC)
Hi Andrzejbanas! Most of these criteria look good:
Unfortunately, despite meeting most of the criteria, I don't think I can pass this in its current state. The article needs a thorough copy-edit, and I think the Gameplay section in particular needs a substantial rewrite. For example:
Following the new re-arrangements with management with Atari- This implies that I should know what "the new re-arrangements" were, but they haven't been mentioned yet.
Solaris was re-released various versions compilations formats- "in various versions, compilations, and formats"?
the player must destroy the Zylon ships until they all of them are defeated- "they" is out of place, and this seems redundant. Why not "destroy all the Zylon ships"?
Solaris was made with 16K of bank-switching RAM and 256 bytes of RAM- Shouldn't this be 16K of ROM, per the Gamasutra source?
To do this, they must navigate the galactic scanner to explore quadrants in space which leads to either battling enemy Zylon ships in both space or on their occupied planets and visit federation planets to refuel.- I can't parse this sentence. Is this trying to say there are two activities: (Battling Zylon ships in (space or occupied planets)) and (visiting planets to refuel)?
the player controls the surface of the planet shooting aliens and rescuing humans and docking at refueling stations- I don't understand what the player is controlling here. Does the surface of the planet dock at refueling stations?
Federation planets appear with docking stations to refuel the spaceship. If they are invaded by Zylons, the player must shoot all the Zylons on the planet to rescue it. If they miss any of them, they will have to retry.- Is "it" the spaceship, or the planet? Are "they" the planets, or multiple docking stations on a single planet? Does "they miss any of them" mean the player misses the Zylons, or the Zylons miss the docking stations (or the planets)?
They also feature corridors protected by guardians. Once inside, the player must fly over a key to ensure safe passage through it, leading for the Zylon planet to explode- Is "it" the corridor, or the key? Is the player ensuring safe passage for others (e.g. the guardians), or for themselves?
I recommend reading the article out loud, asking someone else to read it, reading the sentences backwards, or otherwise breaking yourself out of the autopilot where your brain already "knows" what the article's trying to say. This article has a solid foundation, but right now it's too difficult to read and understand.
Sorry if this is a disappointing review. Let me know once you've had a chance to clean up the prose, and I'll be happy to take another look! Ghosts of Europa ( talk) 08:27, 3 March 2024 (UTC)
@ Ghosts of Europa:, I've gone through with @ Dcdiehardfan: and did some copy-editing. I can't speak for DC, but I feel the article is in much better shape now. Unless DC says otherwise, I think it could use your reviewer eyes to see what else is needed (if anything) for your review. Andrzejbanas ( talk) 13:56, 9 March 2024 (UTC)
This is in much better shape now. Thanks to both of you for your work on this! Ghosts of Europa ( talk) 05:24, 11 March 2024 (UTC)