Hey. I'll be doing the review for this article. I've read through it, and here are some suggestions for improvement:
- I think the lead should be built up a bit more. Per WP:LEAD, it should be about 3 or 4 full paragraphs, and the paragraphs at present are a bit skimpy. It isn't a huge deal, but I think a larger lead would be nice.
- All three of the paragraphs in the lead begin with "The". I'm picky about stuff like that. It was the first thing I noticed before I even began reading the article.
- A few of the sentences in the Background are short and choppy. Try combining smaller sentences, for more complex sentences. For example, Two of the players were Nathaniel Creswick (1826–1917) and William Prest (1832–1885). They were both born in Yorkshire. --> Two of the players were Nathaniel Creswick (1826–1917) and William Prest (1832–1885), both of whom were born in Yorkshire.
That's about it. I fixed a couple of the sentences, because in most cases, the word "however" shouldn't be at the beginning of a sentence. The sources all look good, and the pictures are all either from the commons or have an appropriate fair-use rationale. The article will be on hold for seven days for the improvements. Nikki 311 05:23, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
- Thanks for the comments and corrections. I've made improvements to the areas you suggested.
josh (
talk)
18:08, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
- Great job. The article didn't need much work at all...I think the peer review and FAC took care of most of the problems. I'm passing the article. Nikki 311 22:21, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
Hey. I'll be doing the review for this article. I've read through it, and here are some suggestions for improvement:
- I think the lead should be built up a bit more. Per WP:LEAD, it should be about 3 or 4 full paragraphs, and the paragraphs at present are a bit skimpy. It isn't a huge deal, but I think a larger lead would be nice.
- All three of the paragraphs in the lead begin with "The". I'm picky about stuff like that. It was the first thing I noticed before I even began reading the article.
- A few of the sentences in the Background are short and choppy. Try combining smaller sentences, for more complex sentences. For example, Two of the players were Nathaniel Creswick (1826–1917) and William Prest (1832–1885). They were both born in Yorkshire. --> Two of the players were Nathaniel Creswick (1826–1917) and William Prest (1832–1885), both of whom were born in Yorkshire.
That's about it. I fixed a couple of the sentences, because in most cases, the word "however" shouldn't be at the beginning of a sentence. The sources all look good, and the pictures are all either from the commons or have an appropriate fair-use rationale. The article will be on hold for seven days for the improvements. Nikki 311 05:23, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
- Thanks for the comments and corrections. I've made improvements to the areas you suggested.
josh (
talk)
18:08, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
- Great job. The article didn't need much work at all...I think the peer review and FAC took care of most of the problems. I'm passing the article. Nikki 311 22:21, 29 May 2008 (UTC)