The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Garnet-Septagon ( talk · contribs) 14:01, 5 August 2023 (UTC)
Hi, I'm going to be reviewing this article as per the
WP:GACR.
For this section I'm looking at the revision as of 16:47 on 30 July 2023.
Passed Not a long way from meeting any of the GA criteria
Passed All images are CC licenced
Passed No cleanup tags
Passed Stable
Passed No previous GA nomination
For this section I'm looking at the revision as of 16:47 on 30 July 2023.
"Fixed" version is as of 21:08 on 5 August 2023.
Sources are all reliable - mostly well-regarded British newspapers and the BBC. My only concern at the moment is that since a lot of these are interviews, we might see a reliance on primary material, so the relevant policies will be WP:BLPRS, WP:SELFSOURCE and I'll also consider the essay WP:INTERVIEWS. Since this is a biography of a living person, I'll do a separate assessment viz the policy WP:BLP.
Spotchecks are a GA requirement; I'll pick a few citations and check to see that the source correctly supports the citation.
"Her father, Hadi Khorsandi, a satirist who was initially supportive of the revolution, had to leave when things became too dangerous after he made a joke that suggested the regime’s fanaticism had gone too far ... 'They didn’t move to England to have that for me.'"
...
"Like Lady Hamilton, Khorsandi considers herself a misfit. Part of that relates to coming from a family who fled Iran. Her memoir, A Beginner’s Guide To Acting English, describes the strangeness of arriving in England as immigrants, as well as the fear of the regime which still pursued the family, the constant checking under cars for bombs."
but not that she came out in 2017. The other source (19) supports this alone so I think this footnote can be removed.She quickly gets down to the nitty gritty, the very personal, and will talk, for instance, about coming out as bisexual and how she admires the way young people today talk about sexuality. She recalls how difficult it was to be out, particularly as bisexual, when she was young. (She recently wrote that, although she was bisexual and had marched for Pride since she was 17, she'd never come out as such.)
I'm going to pause the review here while you address these issues: it might be worth combing through all the references in the Biography section as this is where most of the issues were, and this is the part that will likely need the most careful attention given that this is a biography of a living person.
I can officially put this review "on hold" if necessary; please let me know if you'd like more than a week to address this and I'll do that.
I'm going to put a summary box here and if I have to go into more detail about any of the things I'll write further notes below it, because editing in a table is a pain.
I'll edit the statuses as I go along so things might switch between 'fail' and 'unknown' if you address things while I'm still looking. But I'm intending that things marked as 'pass' stay that way, at the very least to give us a sense of momentum.
Rate | Attribute | Review Comment |
---|---|---|
1. Well-written: | ||
![]() |
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. | |
![]() |
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. | Lead section: ![]() Layout: ![]() Words to watch: ![]() Fiction: ![]() List incorporation: ![]() |
2. Verifiable with no original research: | ||
![]() |
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. | |
![]() |
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). | |
![]() |
2c. it contains no original research. | Text-source integrity is very clear. |
![]() |
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. | |
3. Broad in its coverage: | ||
![]() |
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. | |
![]() |
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). | |
![]() |
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. | See #BLP |
![]() |
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. | |
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio: | ||
![]() |
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. | |
![]() |
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. | |
![]() |
7. Overall assessment. |
She married fellow comedian Christian Reilly in 2005, and they had a son.[12] They divorced in 2011.[13] Her daughter was born in June 2013.[13] In a 2014 interview she said "I'm doing it all on my own, I have no contact with the father. But that's fine, I'm not angry or bitter about it."[13] As of 2022, she was in a relationship with fellow comedian Mark Steel.[14] Her brother Peyvand also did stand-up comedy for a while but decided to pursue a career in journalism.[15][16] Khorsandi was raised bilingual and is fluent in Farsi.[17] Khorsandi was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder aged 47.[18] In 2017, she came out as bisexual.[19]
Firstly, it reads as a really choppy collection of short sentences instead of prose that flows. I think it needs a few conjunctions ("She married fellow comedian ... and they had a son, but divorced six years later. Her daughter was born in June 2013, and Khorsandi said in a 2014 interview ...")
Secondly, it kind of sprinkles in random facts like the sentence about her brother, being bilingual, having ADHD. If these facts are notable then I think they need a bit more - they could each be their own short paragraph if you can find sources that explain why they're relevant to the subject of the article (why did Peyvand choose journalism (does it have anything to do with Shaparak?) Does she do anything for ADHD awareness or LGBT causes?). To a lesser extent this goes for the Career section as well. I think it was wise to put a bit at the bottom "Her other television appearances have included..." because then you can strip out the stuff that isn't commented on further (e.g. with reviews). I'd like to see the reviews and significance of the shows mentioned in Career fleshed out further, which should be possible given how high-profile she is.
You may get ideas or inspiration from James Acaster, which was promoted to GA this week. I think the prose in that article is much more varied and the career section is more fleshed-out, and there are obvious similarities with the structure of this article given that they're both comedians. WP:PARAGRAPH may also help.
I'm going to go over WP:BLP as well in this section.
Writing style
Reliable sources
Presumption in favor of privacy
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Garnet-Septagon ( talk · contribs) 14:01, 5 August 2023 (UTC)
Hi, I'm going to be reviewing this article as per the
WP:GACR.
For this section I'm looking at the revision as of 16:47 on 30 July 2023.
Passed Not a long way from meeting any of the GA criteria
Passed All images are CC licenced
Passed No cleanup tags
Passed Stable
Passed No previous GA nomination
For this section I'm looking at the revision as of 16:47 on 30 July 2023.
"Fixed" version is as of 21:08 on 5 August 2023.
Sources are all reliable - mostly well-regarded British newspapers and the BBC. My only concern at the moment is that since a lot of these are interviews, we might see a reliance on primary material, so the relevant policies will be WP:BLPRS, WP:SELFSOURCE and I'll also consider the essay WP:INTERVIEWS. Since this is a biography of a living person, I'll do a separate assessment viz the policy WP:BLP.
Spotchecks are a GA requirement; I'll pick a few citations and check to see that the source correctly supports the citation.
"Her father, Hadi Khorsandi, a satirist who was initially supportive of the revolution, had to leave when things became too dangerous after he made a joke that suggested the regime’s fanaticism had gone too far ... 'They didn’t move to England to have that for me.'"
...
"Like Lady Hamilton, Khorsandi considers herself a misfit. Part of that relates to coming from a family who fled Iran. Her memoir, A Beginner’s Guide To Acting English, describes the strangeness of arriving in England as immigrants, as well as the fear of the regime which still pursued the family, the constant checking under cars for bombs."
but not that she came out in 2017. The other source (19) supports this alone so I think this footnote can be removed.She quickly gets down to the nitty gritty, the very personal, and will talk, for instance, about coming out as bisexual and how she admires the way young people today talk about sexuality. She recalls how difficult it was to be out, particularly as bisexual, when she was young. (She recently wrote that, although she was bisexual and had marched for Pride since she was 17, she'd never come out as such.)
I'm going to pause the review here while you address these issues: it might be worth combing through all the references in the Biography section as this is where most of the issues were, and this is the part that will likely need the most careful attention given that this is a biography of a living person.
I can officially put this review "on hold" if necessary; please let me know if you'd like more than a week to address this and I'll do that.
I'm going to put a summary box here and if I have to go into more detail about any of the things I'll write further notes below it, because editing in a table is a pain.
I'll edit the statuses as I go along so things might switch between 'fail' and 'unknown' if you address things while I'm still looking. But I'm intending that things marked as 'pass' stay that way, at the very least to give us a sense of momentum.
Rate | Attribute | Review Comment |
---|---|---|
1. Well-written: | ||
![]() |
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. | |
![]() |
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. | Lead section: ![]() Layout: ![]() Words to watch: ![]() Fiction: ![]() List incorporation: ![]() |
2. Verifiable with no original research: | ||
![]() |
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. | |
![]() |
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). | |
![]() |
2c. it contains no original research. | Text-source integrity is very clear. |
![]() |
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. | |
3. Broad in its coverage: | ||
![]() |
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. | |
![]() |
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). | |
![]() |
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. | See #BLP |
![]() |
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. | |
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio: | ||
![]() |
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. | |
![]() |
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. | |
![]() |
7. Overall assessment. |
She married fellow comedian Christian Reilly in 2005, and they had a son.[12] They divorced in 2011.[13] Her daughter was born in June 2013.[13] In a 2014 interview she said "I'm doing it all on my own, I have no contact with the father. But that's fine, I'm not angry or bitter about it."[13] As of 2022, she was in a relationship with fellow comedian Mark Steel.[14] Her brother Peyvand also did stand-up comedy for a while but decided to pursue a career in journalism.[15][16] Khorsandi was raised bilingual and is fluent in Farsi.[17] Khorsandi was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder aged 47.[18] In 2017, she came out as bisexual.[19]
Firstly, it reads as a really choppy collection of short sentences instead of prose that flows. I think it needs a few conjunctions ("She married fellow comedian ... and they had a son, but divorced six years later. Her daughter was born in June 2013, and Khorsandi said in a 2014 interview ...")
Secondly, it kind of sprinkles in random facts like the sentence about her brother, being bilingual, having ADHD. If these facts are notable then I think they need a bit more - they could each be their own short paragraph if you can find sources that explain why they're relevant to the subject of the article (why did Peyvand choose journalism (does it have anything to do with Shaparak?) Does she do anything for ADHD awareness or LGBT causes?). To a lesser extent this goes for the Career section as well. I think it was wise to put a bit at the bottom "Her other television appearances have included..." because then you can strip out the stuff that isn't commented on further (e.g. with reviews). I'd like to see the reviews and significance of the shows mentioned in Career fleshed out further, which should be possible given how high-profile she is.
You may get ideas or inspiration from James Acaster, which was promoted to GA this week. I think the prose in that article is much more varied and the career section is more fleshed-out, and there are obvious similarities with the structure of this article given that they're both comedians. WP:PARAGRAPH may also help.
I'm going to go over WP:BLP as well in this section.
Writing style
Reliable sources
Presumption in favor of privacy