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This article has apparently been translated from a non-English source and desperately needs a rewrite. It should be merged with Scaraboid seal as well. — Whynowagain ( talk) 16:34, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
Grammar and clarity of sentences need work! The information itself is interesting and organised and the writing should be worthy of the subject. If only the sentences were taken care of, so that they express the facts in a clear and lively manner! A few examples: "a type of these" ( a number mismatch; you wouldn't say "these type") is evidently meant to refer to "commemorative scarabs:" why not say "a type of commemorative scarab..." -- grammatically correct and clear as the original sentence is not. The original sends us hunting backward for "a type of what?" and interrupts the flow of meaning. "Modeled upon the Scarabaeidae family dung beetle" is unclear and awkward; for starters, Scarabaeidae is a noun modifying a noun and there are two perfectly good adjectives, but something like "The amulets were modeled upon dung beetles of the family Scarabaeidae(.)" would be more clear than a clutter of adjectives. This could then be followed by a brief description of the living Scarab beetle's lifestyle in a separate sentence. This in itself could use some expansion and clarification. Not all dung beetles roll dung into a ball to use as a larder for themselves and a brood chamber for their offspring -- from my biologist's point of view, it would be good to try to verify that the "roller" type of dung beetle was the basis for the scarab amulets and other depictions before making a blanket statement. The life history account is a bit muddled in itself. Separating it into its own sentence or two would make it easier to organise a clear subject, verb,and predicate. These are just samples -- there is much more that could be done to make the writing worthy of the subject. Towson University Online Writing Support is a good place to go when meaning gets muddled. (Repeating Garrison Keillor's "Remember... the pronoun is not your friend" as a mantra once a page or so helps too.)
Again, I found the subject immensely interesting and entertaining, and I'd love to see the writing do it justice. Equisetum ( talk) 19:53, 19 October 2011 (UTC)
I have been trying to verify a part of this article. Under the section "Funerary Scarabs" in the last paragraph, it cites John Ward's book The Sacred Beetle: A Popular Treatise on Egyptian Scarabs in Art and History. Unfortunately, I cannot find this information anywhere in that book. Can anyone verify this? I've been told that the person who wrote this paragraph has been absent since November.
EriktheFriendlyOperaGhost ( talk) 17:25, 14 May 2022 (UTC)EriktheFriendlyOperaGhost
This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 4 January 2023 and 17 March 2023. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): 5734hls ( article contribs). Peer reviewers: Skibbitybop, Itsnotironic.
— Assignment last updated by Johnstoncl ( talk) 19:25, 26 February 2023 (UTC)
This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 9 January 2024 and 22 March 2024. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Hazelsvest ( article contribs). Peer reviewers: EdieJones71, Nilenonsense.
— Assignment last updated by Johnstoncl ( talk) 18:22, 2 March 2024 (UTC)
This article is rated Start-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
This article has apparently been translated from a non-English source and desperately needs a rewrite. It should be merged with Scaraboid seal as well. — Whynowagain ( talk) 16:34, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
Grammar and clarity of sentences need work! The information itself is interesting and organised and the writing should be worthy of the subject. If only the sentences were taken care of, so that they express the facts in a clear and lively manner! A few examples: "a type of these" ( a number mismatch; you wouldn't say "these type") is evidently meant to refer to "commemorative scarabs:" why not say "a type of commemorative scarab..." -- grammatically correct and clear as the original sentence is not. The original sends us hunting backward for "a type of what?" and interrupts the flow of meaning. "Modeled upon the Scarabaeidae family dung beetle" is unclear and awkward; for starters, Scarabaeidae is a noun modifying a noun and there are two perfectly good adjectives, but something like "The amulets were modeled upon dung beetles of the family Scarabaeidae(.)" would be more clear than a clutter of adjectives. This could then be followed by a brief description of the living Scarab beetle's lifestyle in a separate sentence. This in itself could use some expansion and clarification. Not all dung beetles roll dung into a ball to use as a larder for themselves and a brood chamber for their offspring -- from my biologist's point of view, it would be good to try to verify that the "roller" type of dung beetle was the basis for the scarab amulets and other depictions before making a blanket statement. The life history account is a bit muddled in itself. Separating it into its own sentence or two would make it easier to organise a clear subject, verb,and predicate. These are just samples -- there is much more that could be done to make the writing worthy of the subject. Towson University Online Writing Support is a good place to go when meaning gets muddled. (Repeating Garrison Keillor's "Remember... the pronoun is not your friend" as a mantra once a page or so helps too.)
Again, I found the subject immensely interesting and entertaining, and I'd love to see the writing do it justice. Equisetum ( talk) 19:53, 19 October 2011 (UTC)
I have been trying to verify a part of this article. Under the section "Funerary Scarabs" in the last paragraph, it cites John Ward's book The Sacred Beetle: A Popular Treatise on Egyptian Scarabs in Art and History. Unfortunately, I cannot find this information anywhere in that book. Can anyone verify this? I've been told that the person who wrote this paragraph has been absent since November.
EriktheFriendlyOperaGhost ( talk) 17:25, 14 May 2022 (UTC)EriktheFriendlyOperaGhost
This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 4 January 2023 and 17 March 2023. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): 5734hls ( article contribs). Peer reviewers: Skibbitybop, Itsnotironic.
— Assignment last updated by Johnstoncl ( talk) 19:25, 26 February 2023 (UTC)
This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 9 January 2024 and 22 March 2024. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Hazelsvest ( article contribs). Peer reviewers: EdieJones71, Nilenonsense.
— Assignment last updated by Johnstoncl ( talk) 18:22, 2 March 2024 (UTC)