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Comment: There may be other hooks in there. I avoided the claim of first or only orthodox Jewish football player in NCAA Division I because of verifiability.
Moved to mainspace by
Bruxton (
talk).
Number of QPQs required: 1. Nominator has 152 past nominations.
This is only a preliminary review for now as the article needs a copyedit when it comes to wording and missing punctuation. However, the article does seem long enough and is adequately sourced and a QPQ has been done. My preferred hook is ALT1, but it doesn't exactly match the article or the source so it might fail at WT:DYK or ERRORS. ALT0 could probably be modified to say he never played organized football before signing up as the current wording might be too vague. ALT2 might need additional context especially for readers from countries where Judaism is not a common religion: my suggestion would be to propose a new hook that explains his 39 jersey and how it related to the Sabbath.
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
13:37, 28 June 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Narutolovehinata5: Thank you for checking out this nomination.. I did some copyediting but it is hard for me to find my own errors so I would appreciate you calling them out. For hook ideas I prefer that someone click the article to discover rather than getting in the weeds with specificity in the hook. For fifth and sixth hook ideas:
ALT4 sounds good to me. The article is improved but the wording still seems a bit weird (for example, "As a young boy Salz never watched college football because it is played on the Shabbat and he is an observant orthodox Jew." and "He was not invited to join the football team so he practiced by himself within sight of the football team and eventually earned a roster spot.") I don't have access to the NYT source; is 2003 mentioned in that article?
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
23:18, 28 June 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Narutolovehinata5: Excellent. You can archive a link to read text it by putting the url in archive.ph. Here is a
link to the NYT article. I got 2003 from "Salz, 21, became obsessed with playing college football at a young age, for reasons he can’t exactly pinpoint." It is a 2024 article and 2024-21 is
c. 2003. Regarding the two sentences, I do not see the weirdness to their structurel; if you do please edit them.
Bruxton (
talk)
23:47, 28 June 2024 (UTC)reply
Maybe it's just me not being a native speaker but something feels off about the first sentence to me, but it could just be that it's correct to a native speaker but sounds weird to a non-native one. The second one could probably be rewritten to something like "As he was not invited to join the football team, he practiced by himself within sight of them. He eventually earned a roster spot." Maybe something like that?
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
09:03, 30 June 2024 (UTC)reply
Now that I think about it, ALT4a is quite long. Would it be okay if it got shortened to ALT4a ... that a Texas A&M Aggies football wide receiver wears number 39 to symbolize the tasks or items which Jews should avoid during the Sabbath? "Football" could even be dropped if possible, but given American football's relatively niche popularity outside of North America, just "wide receiver" without context might not make much sense, hence the addition of "football" (or even "college football" if really needed).
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
00:31, 5 July 2024 (UTC)reply
Apologies for the delay in reviewing. The article meets requirements for newness and length, and I did not find any close paraphrasing. QPQ has been done and verified. All major statements in the article match the sources, and all hooks are mentioned in the article and verified in the sources. There is one statement in the article, however: the "thought to be the only orthodox Jewish football player in NCAA Division I" fact might change in the future, so the mention in the article may need a qualifier. I also note that one of the sources says he's the first known orthodox Jewish college football player, but given the recent brouhaha over "first" hooks it might be the safest option not to go with that. Some variation of ALT4 (I will leave the exact wording to the promoter) is probably the best option here as the most unusual or interesting; my original preference (ALT1) is unsuitable due to not being directly mentioned in the article, as well as not meeting the "unlikely to change" criterion.
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
10:35, 11 July 2024 (UTC)reply
This article must adhere to the biographies of living persons (BLP) policy, even if it is not a biography, because it contains material about living persons. Contentious material about living persons that is unsourced or
poorly sourcedmust be removed immediately from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially
libellous. If such material is repeatedly inserted, or if you have other concerns, please report the issue to
this noticeboard.If you are a subject of this article, or acting on behalf of one, and you need help, please see this help page.
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to
join the project and
contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Judaism, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Judaism-related articles on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.JudaismWikipedia:WikiProject JudaismTemplate:WikiProject JudaismJudaism articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject American football, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
American football on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.American footballWikipedia:WikiProject American footballTemplate:WikiProject American footballAmerican football articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject College football, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
college football on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.College footballWikipedia:WikiProject College footballTemplate:WikiProject College footballcollege football articles
Comment: There may be other hooks in there. I avoided the claim of first or only orthodox Jewish football player in NCAA Division I because of verifiability.
Moved to mainspace by
Bruxton (
talk).
Number of QPQs required: 1. Nominator has 152 past nominations.
This is only a preliminary review for now as the article needs a copyedit when it comes to wording and missing punctuation. However, the article does seem long enough and is adequately sourced and a QPQ has been done. My preferred hook is ALT1, but it doesn't exactly match the article or the source so it might fail at WT:DYK or ERRORS. ALT0 could probably be modified to say he never played organized football before signing up as the current wording might be too vague. ALT2 might need additional context especially for readers from countries where Judaism is not a common religion: my suggestion would be to propose a new hook that explains his 39 jersey and how it related to the Sabbath.
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
13:37, 28 June 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Narutolovehinata5: Thank you for checking out this nomination.. I did some copyediting but it is hard for me to find my own errors so I would appreciate you calling them out. For hook ideas I prefer that someone click the article to discover rather than getting in the weeds with specificity in the hook. For fifth and sixth hook ideas:
ALT4 sounds good to me. The article is improved but the wording still seems a bit weird (for example, "As a young boy Salz never watched college football because it is played on the Shabbat and he is an observant orthodox Jew." and "He was not invited to join the football team so he practiced by himself within sight of the football team and eventually earned a roster spot.") I don't have access to the NYT source; is 2003 mentioned in that article?
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
23:18, 28 June 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Narutolovehinata5: Excellent. You can archive a link to read text it by putting the url in archive.ph. Here is a
link to the NYT article. I got 2003 from "Salz, 21, became obsessed with playing college football at a young age, for reasons he can’t exactly pinpoint." It is a 2024 article and 2024-21 is
c. 2003. Regarding the two sentences, I do not see the weirdness to their structurel; if you do please edit them.
Bruxton (
talk)
23:47, 28 June 2024 (UTC)reply
Maybe it's just me not being a native speaker but something feels off about the first sentence to me, but it could just be that it's correct to a native speaker but sounds weird to a non-native one. The second one could probably be rewritten to something like "As he was not invited to join the football team, he practiced by himself within sight of them. He eventually earned a roster spot." Maybe something like that?
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
09:03, 30 June 2024 (UTC)reply
Now that I think about it, ALT4a is quite long. Would it be okay if it got shortened to ALT4a ... that a Texas A&M Aggies football wide receiver wears number 39 to symbolize the tasks or items which Jews should avoid during the Sabbath? "Football" could even be dropped if possible, but given American football's relatively niche popularity outside of North America, just "wide receiver" without context might not make much sense, hence the addition of "football" (or even "college football" if really needed).
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
00:31, 5 July 2024 (UTC)reply
Apologies for the delay in reviewing. The article meets requirements for newness and length, and I did not find any close paraphrasing. QPQ has been done and verified. All major statements in the article match the sources, and all hooks are mentioned in the article and verified in the sources. There is one statement in the article, however: the "thought to be the only orthodox Jewish football player in NCAA Division I" fact might change in the future, so the mention in the article may need a qualifier. I also note that one of the sources says he's the first known orthodox Jewish college football player, but given the recent brouhaha over "first" hooks it might be the safest option not to go with that. Some variation of ALT4 (I will leave the exact wording to the promoter) is probably the best option here as the most unusual or interesting; my original preference (ALT1) is unsuitable due to not being directly mentioned in the article, as well as not meeting the "unlikely to change" criterion.
Narutolovehinata5 (
talk ·
contributions)
10:35, 11 July 2024 (UTC)reply