A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
After re-reading the article again, there are some sentences that should be re-crafted.
However, having been rebuffed by them, he then turned to the Ottomans with the same appeal, which he was granted; designated by the Sultan, he came to be the Ottoman governor of Shriven.
This sentence needs to be adjusted along the lines of something like: After Beg was rebuffed by the Russians, he then appealed to the Ottomans for help (which the Sultan granted). He was subsequently named governor of Shriven.
The order, which came after grand vizier Fath-Ali Khan Daghestani's fall, was made at the instigation of the eunuch faction within the royal court who had persuaded the shah that a successful end of the campaign would do the Safavid realm more harm than good, in that it would enable Vakhtang, the Safavid wali, to form an alliance with Russia with the aim of conquering Iran.
This sentence needs to be edited into separate sentences. If it were diagrammed I can tell the subject is "The order" but there are simply too many ancillary phrases attached to the main thought.
Shearonink (
talk)
06:44, 22 February 2017 (UTC)reply
An improvement would be to find more images - if any exist - of the city in all its pre-pillaged glory and also if any archeological digs or investigations have been made - if there are any photographs of any remaining cultural artifacts of the city.
Shearonink (
talk)
06:44, 22 February 2017 (UTC)reply
There are numerous photos of Shamakhi available on Commons. I suggest that someone look through them and figure out which ones would complement the article's content.
Shearonink (
talk)
02:37, 23 February 2017 (UTC)reply
Additional images (There are plenty on Commons that would probably work.) -- just added an additional picture (one which was published just a few years after the sack, in 1729). Unfortunately no success so far in finding a pic that would match your suggestion above though. -
LouisAragon (
talk)
17:26, 25 February 2017 (UTC)reply
Sentences/prose need to be adjusted and corrected to proper grammar and more easily-understood usage. --
Regarding the prose, I've been working on it, in consultation with
LouisAragon. See recent edits to the article and
User talk:LouisAragon#Sack of Shamakhi (1721). Regarding your comments at the top of the page and just above, the sentences were all grammatically correct. They were perhaps a little long, but perfectly correct grammatically. (I make a point of not leaving ungrammatical sentences when I copyedit an article.) –
Corinne (
talk)
18:06, 25 February 2017 (UTC)reply
The previous versions of those two sentences could be said to be technically correct but they were not as well-written as they could have been. The present versions are much easier to understand.
Shearonink (
talk)
21:07, 25 February 2017 (UTC)reply
@
LouisAragon: The sentences are much improved. I did find one sentence that needs to be adjusted.
Daud Beg, a rebel mountaineer chieftain of the Lezgins and a Sunni cleric who had been imprisoned for a long time in the Safavid city of...
"for a long time" is vague - either we know how long Beg was imprisoned or we don't. This sentence has to be adjusted to either A*contain the information about how long he was jailed or B*drop the "for a long time" from the sentence.
I think that sentence might be the last area of concern. I'll do one more readthrough, but, pending finding any issues I might have missed I think I'll be able to finish up this Review once that one sentence is adjusted.
Shearonink (
talk)
07:58, 3 March 2017 (UTC)reply
Almost done but I just realized something... Many people won't know where Shamakhi is, I think that needs to be clearly delineated in the lead, that it is located in Azerbaijan. I know that the city-term is wikilinked but I think it would be useful to our readers to clearly state where the city is. I hope that makes sense.
Shearonink (
talk)
01:20, 6 March 2017 (UTC)reply
@
Shearonink:, Done. Added "(in present-day
Azerbaijan Republic"). I explicitly decided to use the official designation "Azerbaijan Republic" instead of "Azerbaijan", because before 1918 no territory in that area was named Azerbaijan, and the name solely referred to historic Azerbaijan (aka
Azerbaijan (Iran)). Hence this is more correct. -
LouisAragon (
talk)
15:13, 6 March 2017 (UTC)reply
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
After re-reading the article again, there are some sentences that should be re-crafted.
However, having been rebuffed by them, he then turned to the Ottomans with the same appeal, which he was granted; designated by the Sultan, he came to be the Ottoman governor of Shriven.
This sentence needs to be adjusted along the lines of something like: After Beg was rebuffed by the Russians, he then appealed to the Ottomans for help (which the Sultan granted). He was subsequently named governor of Shriven.
The order, which came after grand vizier Fath-Ali Khan Daghestani's fall, was made at the instigation of the eunuch faction within the royal court who had persuaded the shah that a successful end of the campaign would do the Safavid realm more harm than good, in that it would enable Vakhtang, the Safavid wali, to form an alliance with Russia with the aim of conquering Iran.
This sentence needs to be edited into separate sentences. If it were diagrammed I can tell the subject is "The order" but there are simply too many ancillary phrases attached to the main thought.
Shearonink (
talk)
06:44, 22 February 2017 (UTC)reply
An improvement would be to find more images - if any exist - of the city in all its pre-pillaged glory and also if any archeological digs or investigations have been made - if there are any photographs of any remaining cultural artifacts of the city.
Shearonink (
talk)
06:44, 22 February 2017 (UTC)reply
There are numerous photos of Shamakhi available on Commons. I suggest that someone look through them and figure out which ones would complement the article's content.
Shearonink (
talk)
02:37, 23 February 2017 (UTC)reply
Additional images (There are plenty on Commons that would probably work.) -- just added an additional picture (one which was published just a few years after the sack, in 1729). Unfortunately no success so far in finding a pic that would match your suggestion above though. -
LouisAragon (
talk)
17:26, 25 February 2017 (UTC)reply
Sentences/prose need to be adjusted and corrected to proper grammar and more easily-understood usage. --
Regarding the prose, I've been working on it, in consultation with
LouisAragon. See recent edits to the article and
User talk:LouisAragon#Sack of Shamakhi (1721). Regarding your comments at the top of the page and just above, the sentences were all grammatically correct. They were perhaps a little long, but perfectly correct grammatically. (I make a point of not leaving ungrammatical sentences when I copyedit an article.) –
Corinne (
talk)
18:06, 25 February 2017 (UTC)reply
The previous versions of those two sentences could be said to be technically correct but they were not as well-written as they could have been. The present versions are much easier to understand.
Shearonink (
talk)
21:07, 25 February 2017 (UTC)reply
@
LouisAragon: The sentences are much improved. I did find one sentence that needs to be adjusted.
Daud Beg, a rebel mountaineer chieftain of the Lezgins and a Sunni cleric who had been imprisoned for a long time in the Safavid city of...
"for a long time" is vague - either we know how long Beg was imprisoned or we don't. This sentence has to be adjusted to either A*contain the information about how long he was jailed or B*drop the "for a long time" from the sentence.
I think that sentence might be the last area of concern. I'll do one more readthrough, but, pending finding any issues I might have missed I think I'll be able to finish up this Review once that one sentence is adjusted.
Shearonink (
talk)
07:58, 3 March 2017 (UTC)reply
Almost done but I just realized something... Many people won't know where Shamakhi is, I think that needs to be clearly delineated in the lead, that it is located in Azerbaijan. I know that the city-term is wikilinked but I think it would be useful to our readers to clearly state where the city is. I hope that makes sense.
Shearonink (
talk)
01:20, 6 March 2017 (UTC)reply
@
Shearonink:, Done. Added "(in present-day
Azerbaijan Republic"). I explicitly decided to use the official designation "Azerbaijan Republic" instead of "Azerbaijan", because before 1918 no territory in that area was named Azerbaijan, and the name solely referred to historic Azerbaijan (aka
Azerbaijan (Iran)). Hence this is more correct. -
LouisAragon (
talk)
15:13, 6 March 2017 (UTC)reply