From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer:
The Rambling Man (
talk ·
contribs)
10:12, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
reply
Comments
- It would be far more useful to link "freighter" than "American".
- " on October 29, 1887 near Two Rivers, Wisconsin with" commas after 1887 and Wisconsin.
- I'm surprised by the order of the lead. I would imagine I'd learn a bit about its service before I learnt about its demise.
- " of Detroit, Michigan. She was sold to Pridgeon as compensation" -> " of Detroit, Michigan, to whom she was sold as compensation"
- Consider linking barge.
- And "charter".
- Probably only needs three paras in the lead for an article of this size, maximum.
- "Official number 161557" what is that?
- "spared no expense" not enyclopedic.
- " lounge. She cost" looks like these two sentences need to be merged.
- I would add inflation to that figure too so we know what it means in the context of 2021.
- What's a "draft" in this context?
- "when compared narrow beam," I literally don't understand this.
- " August 29, 1886 near " comma after year.
- "in the Duluth - Port Arthur, Ontario" I'd expect an unspaced en-dash here.
- What are " scow barges "?
- " to Pridgeon on July 22, 1887, as Pridgeon " repetitive.
- "; she was" -> "and was"
- "Chicago, Illinois for Cheboygan, Michigan on" commas after the states.
- "October 20, 1887 under" comma aftere 1887.
3:00 AM
--> 3:00 a.m.
etc.
- " Leeland, Michigan at" comma after Michigan.
- "Vernon proceeded to leave Frankfort," -> "Vernon left Frankfort,"
- Don't think you need to link common words like "potato".
- " and general merchandise"->" and other general merchandise"
- "she stopped at"->"where she stopped".
- "The high death toll" no need for "high", that's self-evident.
- "November 7" year?
- In "Vernon today" section, Milwaukee and Two Rivers overlinked (twice).
- Ref 10 should be pp. 7–8
- Ref 23 should be pp. 10–11
- Spaced hyphens in the sources should be spaced en-dashes per MOS.
That's it on a first review, so it's on hold.
The Rambling Man (
Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!)
13:28, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
reply
-
-
-