The article meets all GA criterias. Below are a few suggestions / issues needed to be addressed before passing the article. Great job!
MX (
✉ •
✎)
23:46, 14 October 2018 (UTC)reply
Lead paragraph
Rosalie Compton Kahipuleokalaniahumanu Davison, known as Rose C. Davison, – This is found here and in the infobox, but not cited anywhere. Anything in the lead/infobox needed to be mentioned and cited elsewhere in the body paragraphs, per
WP:LEADCITE and
WP:INFOBOXCITE. I would recommend adding the full name somewhere in the first paragraph of the Life and education section, and then introduce the fact that she went as Rose C. Davison.
was a part Native Hawaiian – Does the "part Native Hawaiian" claim come from the fact that her father was American and her mother was British-Hawaiian? If she was born in the Kingdom of Hawaii, she shouldn't be called part Native Hawaiian. She's full Hawaiian. Maybe I have it wrong, though, so please correct me. There is no mention of this in the body paragraphs (aside from her advisors being "part-Hawaiian", but that doesn't mean she was one, too).
Native Hawaiian and being born in Hawaii are not the same. Her mother was ethnically part Native Hawaiian so she was part Native Hawaiian.
KAVEBEAR (
talk)
23:58, 14 October 2018 (UTC)reply
Life and education
Life and education – This is a comment in regards to the name of the section. First, this is a biography, so we know this is article is about her "life". "Life" doesn't tell us much. You might want to break down this section into multiple sections, like "Early life and education" and "Career", etc.
She was initially educated at St. Andrew's Priory School and Fort Street School ... During the 1900 United States Census, she assisted Atkinson who was serving as census superintendent.[3][4][5] – More of a strong suggestion here, but I don't think it is very useful to have three citations at the end of a large paragraph when we can probably spread them out appropriately. It is hard for readers to know which of the three sources backs up each sentence. Per
WP:PAIC, "The ref tags should immediately follow the text to which the footnote applies".
appointment in 1907 (or 1909) as humane officer – What's the discrepancy with the dates? Have you considered adding a footnote to explain why it is either 1907 or 1909, or what sources use the different dates?
Found
this source you might find useful. She was a descendent of
Liloa.
Two possible suggestions here. Either
Women philanthropists or
Kingdom of Hawaii philantrophist, though I think that by the time she became involved in philantrophy, it was already Territory of Hawaii. Please add whichever you think is correct.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The article meets all GA criterias. Below are a few suggestions / issues needed to be addressed before passing the article. Great job!
MX (
✉ •
✎)
23:46, 14 October 2018 (UTC)reply
Lead paragraph
Rosalie Compton Kahipuleokalaniahumanu Davison, known as Rose C. Davison, – This is found here and in the infobox, but not cited anywhere. Anything in the lead/infobox needed to be mentioned and cited elsewhere in the body paragraphs, per
WP:LEADCITE and
WP:INFOBOXCITE. I would recommend adding the full name somewhere in the first paragraph of the Life and education section, and then introduce the fact that she went as Rose C. Davison.
was a part Native Hawaiian – Does the "part Native Hawaiian" claim come from the fact that her father was American and her mother was British-Hawaiian? If she was born in the Kingdom of Hawaii, she shouldn't be called part Native Hawaiian. She's full Hawaiian. Maybe I have it wrong, though, so please correct me. There is no mention of this in the body paragraphs (aside from her advisors being "part-Hawaiian", but that doesn't mean she was one, too).
Native Hawaiian and being born in Hawaii are not the same. Her mother was ethnically part Native Hawaiian so she was part Native Hawaiian.
KAVEBEAR (
talk)
23:58, 14 October 2018 (UTC)reply
Life and education
Life and education – This is a comment in regards to the name of the section. First, this is a biography, so we know this is article is about her "life". "Life" doesn't tell us much. You might want to break down this section into multiple sections, like "Early life and education" and "Career", etc.
She was initially educated at St. Andrew's Priory School and Fort Street School ... During the 1900 United States Census, she assisted Atkinson who was serving as census superintendent.[3][4][5] – More of a strong suggestion here, but I don't think it is very useful to have three citations at the end of a large paragraph when we can probably spread them out appropriately. It is hard for readers to know which of the three sources backs up each sentence. Per
WP:PAIC, "The ref tags should immediately follow the text to which the footnote applies".
appointment in 1907 (or 1909) as humane officer – What's the discrepancy with the dates? Have you considered adding a footnote to explain why it is either 1907 or 1909, or what sources use the different dates?
Found
this source you might find useful. She was a descendent of
Liloa.
Two possible suggestions here. Either
Women philanthropists or
Kingdom of Hawaii philantrophist, though I think that by the time she became involved in philantrophy, it was already Territory of Hawaii. Please add whichever you think is correct.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.