From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

Article ( | visual edit | history) · Article talk ( | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Jamesx12345 ( talk · contribs) 13:25, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply

I'll review this in the next day or so. Jamesx 12345 13:25, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply

"who was a division leader of the" - "involved" or "heavily involved" might read better.
Re-worded. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"Wilson and his Cornell colleagues constructed four electron synchrotrons." - doesn't say what these were for, quite abrupt.
It is described. Moved the sentence. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"the Fermilab" - "Fermilab"?
Doesn't read right without "the".
"but at the same time made it aesthetically pleasing" - could be omitted.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"which was at that time blossoming into the top American site for both" - "which was at that time developing into the foremost American site for both"
"(Ph.D.)" - "(PhD)" is more common
Another sign of the decline of American English. Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"He was later rehired at Luis Alvarez's urging" - "He was later rehired the urging of Luis Alvarez" - lest somebody should read it aloud or with a screenreader.
"He was later rehired the urging of Luis Alvarez" makes no sense. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Sorry - meant to say "He was later rehired at the urging of Luis Alvarez"
"but soon melted a pair of pliers during a welding job, and was again fired." - "but melted an expensive pair of pliers whilst welding, and was fired again." [1]
Done. Added an extra source for "expensive". Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"from the immensely more common" - "much more common" might be more appropriate, since U-235 makes up nearly 1% by mass.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
100-ton test could be linked.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"Wilson attempted to raise the question" - "Wilson raised the question"
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Association of Los Alamos Scientists can also be linked.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"but spent the first eight months of 1946 at Berkeley designing..." - could be clearer that it is for Harvard.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Should ref 6 not be after the colon?
It can be, but I always put the references at the end of the block of text. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
The last reference (McDaniel, Boyce D.; Silverman, Albert) links to [2], which is about Philip Morrison. Wilson's bio can be found here.
Thanks. Fixed. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"It did indeed..." - this is a bit odd - it reads as if there was originally something else there as well to provide some context.
It is in the quote. Slightly re-worded to make this more apparent. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"that remains in use today" - "today" can be omitted.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply


Just a few more points. Jamesx 12345 13:26, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply

"In 1967 he took a leave of absence from Cornell to assume directorship of the not-yet-created National Accelerator Laboratory which was to create the largest particle accelerator of its day at Batavia, Illinois." - "In 1967 he took a leave of absence from Cornell to assume directorship of the nascent National Accelerator Laboratory at Batavia, Illinois, which was to be largest particle accelerator constructed to date."
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"full-steam ahead style" - probably too colloquial, maybe "direct and involved" or something.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"renamed the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory (Fermilab for short)" - "renamed the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory or Fermilab"
Re-worded. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"famed" - Fermi is probably famous enough that this can be omitted.
"famed" is usually unnecessary. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"herd of American Bisons that started" - is the plural of Bison not just Bison?
The wiktionary says that both are used but "bison" is preferred. Dropped the "s". Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"honor" - I can't see any other words with spelling variations. As an American, it probably makes sense to keep it that way, but maybe with a template to advi
I can see more: "organize", "authorized", "labored". Added a "Use American English" template. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Federal government can be linked.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Thanks for the quick fixes. Jamesx 12345 23:38, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

Article ( | visual edit | history) · Article talk ( | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Jamesx12345 ( talk · contribs) 13:25, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply

I'll review this in the next day or so. Jamesx 12345 13:25, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply

"who was a division leader of the" - "involved" or "heavily involved" might read better.
Re-worded. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"Wilson and his Cornell colleagues constructed four electron synchrotrons." - doesn't say what these were for, quite abrupt.
It is described. Moved the sentence. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"the Fermilab" - "Fermilab"?
Doesn't read right without "the".
"but at the same time made it aesthetically pleasing" - could be omitted.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"which was at that time blossoming into the top American site for both" - "which was at that time developing into the foremost American site for both"
"(Ph.D.)" - "(PhD)" is more common
Another sign of the decline of American English. Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"He was later rehired at Luis Alvarez's urging" - "He was later rehired the urging of Luis Alvarez" - lest somebody should read it aloud or with a screenreader.
"He was later rehired the urging of Luis Alvarez" makes no sense. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Sorry - meant to say "He was later rehired at the urging of Luis Alvarez"
"but soon melted a pair of pliers during a welding job, and was again fired." - "but melted an expensive pair of pliers whilst welding, and was fired again." [1]
Done. Added an extra source for "expensive". Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"from the immensely more common" - "much more common" might be more appropriate, since U-235 makes up nearly 1% by mass.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
100-ton test could be linked.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"Wilson attempted to raise the question" - "Wilson raised the question"
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Association of Los Alamos Scientists can also be linked.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"but spent the first eight months of 1946 at Berkeley designing..." - could be clearer that it is for Harvard.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Should ref 6 not be after the colon?
It can be, but I always put the references at the end of the block of text. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
The last reference (McDaniel, Boyce D.; Silverman, Albert) links to [2], which is about Philip Morrison. Wilson's bio can be found here.
Thanks. Fixed. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"It did indeed..." - this is a bit odd - it reads as if there was originally something else there as well to provide some context.
It is in the quote. Slightly re-worded to make this more apparent. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"that remains in use today" - "today" can be omitted.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC) reply


Just a few more points. Jamesx 12345 13:26, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply

"In 1967 he took a leave of absence from Cornell to assume directorship of the not-yet-created National Accelerator Laboratory which was to create the largest particle accelerator of its day at Batavia, Illinois." - "In 1967 he took a leave of absence from Cornell to assume directorship of the nascent National Accelerator Laboratory at Batavia, Illinois, which was to be largest particle accelerator constructed to date."
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"full-steam ahead style" - probably too colloquial, maybe "direct and involved" or something.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"renamed the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory (Fermilab for short)" - "renamed the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory or Fermilab"
Re-worded. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"famed" - Fermi is probably famous enough that this can be omitted.
"famed" is usually unnecessary. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"herd of American Bisons that started" - is the plural of Bison not just Bison?
The wiktionary says that both are used but "bison" is preferred. Dropped the "s". Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
"honor" - I can't see any other words with spelling variations. As an American, it probably makes sense to keep it that way, but maybe with a template to advi
I can see more: "organize", "authorized", "labored". Added a "Use American English" template. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Federal government can be linked.
Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply
Thanks for the quick fixes. Jamesx 12345 23:38, 17 February 2014 (UTC) reply

Videos

Youtube | Vimeo | Bing

Websites

Google | Yahoo | Bing

Encyclopedia

Google | Yahoo | Bing

Facebook