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The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that Major-General Richard Hutton Davies, the first
New Zealand officer to command a division in
World War I, committed suicide in 1918?
That looks almost certain to be it - I've redirected the page and added the appropriate former-pupil catetegory. There's a few other examples of this shift with schools (Name College, Place turning into Place College), so I should have thought to look! Thanks.
Shimgray |
talk |
13:41, 23 December 2008 (UTC)reply
"On 3 October 1899 he" - "On 3 October 1899 Davies"
"but was shortly thereafter seconded to" - ". Shortly thereafter, he was seconded to..."
Generally, too much use of "He" and not enough of "Davies"; it's nice to break it up.
"returned home to command the Auckland Military District, but returned to South Africa " - "returned" twice, capitalise the succeeding "colonel" and link brevet for those unaware of military terminology.
Ranks consistified - all now lowercase unless used as part of a name.
"mentioned in despatches" - linked twice.
You might want to mention his lectures; "Universal military training to protect New Zealand", written as part of the Public Sub-Committee for Universal Military Training, for example.
Ironholds (
talk)
19:16, 20 June 2010 (UTC)reply
All done (pretty much) as requested. I'll have a look at expanding his involvement with the military training movement (etc). Need to find some decent sources on early NZ military history, though.
Shimgray |
talk |
22:32, 28 June 2010 (UTC)reply
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to
join the project and
contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject New Zealand, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
New Zealand and
New Zealand-related topics on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.New ZealandWikipedia:WikiProject New ZealandTemplate:WikiProject New ZealandNew Zealand articles
This article is within the scope of the Military history WikiProject. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the project and see a
list of open tasks. To use this banner, please see the
full instructions.Military historyWikipedia:WikiProject Military historyTemplate:WikiProject Military historymilitary history articles
The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that Major-General Richard Hutton Davies, the first
New Zealand officer to command a division in
World War I, committed suicide in 1918?
That looks almost certain to be it - I've redirected the page and added the appropriate former-pupil catetegory. There's a few other examples of this shift with schools (Name College, Place turning into Place College), so I should have thought to look! Thanks.
Shimgray |
talk |
13:41, 23 December 2008 (UTC)reply
"On 3 October 1899 he" - "On 3 October 1899 Davies"
"but was shortly thereafter seconded to" - ". Shortly thereafter, he was seconded to..."
Generally, too much use of "He" and not enough of "Davies"; it's nice to break it up.
"returned home to command the Auckland Military District, but returned to South Africa " - "returned" twice, capitalise the succeeding "colonel" and link brevet for those unaware of military terminology.
Ranks consistified - all now lowercase unless used as part of a name.
"mentioned in despatches" - linked twice.
You might want to mention his lectures; "Universal military training to protect New Zealand", written as part of the Public Sub-Committee for Universal Military Training, for example.
Ironholds (
talk)
19:16, 20 June 2010 (UTC)reply
All done (pretty much) as requested. I'll have a look at expanding his involvement with the military training movement (etc). Need to find some decent sources on early NZ military history, though.
Shimgray |
talk |
22:32, 28 June 2010 (UTC)reply